[Gemani]

So my wife and I have been married for 4 years now and have a son together.. In feb I decided that where we were financially was not going to be able to work so I started looking for new opertunities.. I eventually came accross a buisness that was a dream come true. We both decided to take on this buisness and I would move to the country it is based in. Which I did and the plan was for my wife to join me later.. But since this has happened she has become very happy with herself and her job.. At first we spoke all the time when I went home she was delighted to see me.. Sexually too. Then in may I went to see her again and things were different.. We discussed the issue and she said that she didn't know what was going on but she is no longer sexually attracted to me.. And that she needed time to figure this out. Which is what I have her 6 weeks until I saw her again hoping for some answers.. But now it's even worse.. She would cuddle me when we were sleeping, she wouldn't even get dressed in front of me.. Although I did notice that she had shaved her pubic area who's his not normal as she didn't like it.. I keep thinking there is someone else and when I asked her she said no.. So again I left for work and whilst chatting all the conversations are about my son and not is.. She sent me pics of his birthday and I noticed that she is not wearing her wedding rings.

I will do anything for us to be happy but she says she doesn't know what she wants anymore and doesn't know what is going on in her life..

How do I fix this?

[kaliope]

hi gemani
maybe you could try marriage counseling next time you are back. it sounds like she has made many changes since you have been gone and from what you are saying is unwilling to move forward in this relationship. welcome to psych central. you will find we have several forums where you can post about your concerns and receive feedback from other members. you will get a lot of support here. again, welcome

[healingme4me]

Did you ask her why, the bands were off?

You deserve a better explanation, than the one she's giving.

And the right, to move on, if she's done a complete turn around, on your planned future.

[Mike_J]

Her shaving "down there" being a new thing is a big red flag that she is seeing someone else. Also not wearing her wedding ring. You deserve explanations for all her actions.

[Perna]

I do not know if you can fix it. You are not there and she is fine that you are not there, even prefers it. If she likes that she is on her own, I do not know that you can fix anything as her feelings have changed. If you can move back, that could help or maybe not.

[jimmy rich]

hello gemani:

If that was my problem, I'd find a marriage counselor to help me figure out what to do FOR THE SAKE of my SON. I would do my best to get honest and useful answers to questions that I would have about MY SON'S future! I would focus on the needs of my son to guide me in my decisions from now until he is at least 18 years old since his needs are the most important issue for me - not my wife or myself.
good luck,
jim

[eskielover]

Sometimes when we end up separating, we are able to see our life more clearly & realize that the life we were living isn't what we want for ourselves. She has pretty much given you her answer by telling you that she has changed how she feels.....or she may not have really felt anything in the first place.....hard to really tell even if they say they do.

I know that I was the one that left my H after 33 years of a bad marriage & the longer I was away, the more peaceful I felt & the more I knew that there was no way I was ever going to go back or have anything to do with him any longer. The longer we are away the more clearly we do see our own lives. I never had nor do I have anyone during these 7 years....so my leaving was to be alone, not to go to someone else.....& I totally prefer being alone to the marriage I had.....but it sounds like there may be someone else in her life that she is not willing to bring into the picture right now......whether that was the cause of her actions toward you or whether she really decided that the marriage with you wasn't what she wanted......one thing for sure....your move long distance to another country didn't do your marriage any good.....but at this point even if you were to move back....I wouldn't count on it making any difference....but that might be worth a try for your son....at least you could live closer & be able to see him more often even if it ends up in divorce.