[EmeraldTurtle]

Hello there...I am brand new here and am hoping that someone, anyone might have been where I am and might have some advice or input to offer.

I have been married for 12 years. When we were first together, my husband was wonderful, funny and kind. When I became pregnant with our first child, he changed. He started fighting with me, becoming argumentative and mean, yelling at me. One time our upstairs neighbor actually came down and made sure I was okay, and told my husband he shouldn't treat me like that. I was six months along. After our so. Was born, his behavior only got worse, he started calling me crazy when I was depressed postpartum. After a while things got better, and I thought okay, he just needed to grow up. Things were good until after the birth of our daughter...then I started catching my husband in lies.

Big, small, medium...lying about stupid things. When I would catch him and call him on his lies, I got a variety of responses, from "I'm not lying" to "You misunderstood me" to "It's not my fault, I was possessed by a demon" (I'm not joking, he said that) to his most recent, "Lying is what you've driven me to."

I have no job, I've been a homemaker raising my kids for over a decade; I have two children who I only want the best for; one child has Asperger's, the other has ADD and dyslexia; I don't know what I could do, but I feel like separation or divorce is the only answer I have right now. I don't trust my husband to be truthful, responsible, or to do right by my kids. Has anyone here been in a similar situation?

[CANDC]

Welcome to PC. You do have some challenges before you. Just the relationship alone would be challenging, but the needs of your children makes things worse. I would consult a professional counselor that specializes in these areas.
You might want to check the abuse forumSurvivors of Abuse - Forums at Psych Central
The challenge is to determine if the relationship is manageable for the sake of reaching a stable place for the children. If not designing a safety net might require a social worker to help define and establish the resources so you could continue to support your children.

[kaliope]

hi emeraldturtle
you could give him a choice, marriage counseling or separating. since you have been a stay at home mom, he would be responsible for alimony as well as child support. you would still probably have to get a job. look to family for assistance. there are also resouces in the community that help low income mothers with things such as child care and you would probably qualify for food stamps as well. yu would find a way to survive. welcome to psych central. you will find we have several forums where you can post about your concerns and receive feedback from other members. you will get a lot of support here. again, welcome

[kala83]

if I was in your shoes I would think seperation would be for the best as well.

he does not truly seem to care that he is hurting you emotionally and that is abuse. And you need an escape.

if you can try to talk it out with him see if you all can work things out. But if he refuses to work with you...
just remember you do have options

[eskielover]

Make sure it's a legal separation...not just moving out...because if he's lying & if he's not financially responsible....you will be responsible also for whatever he does financially during the separation even if you don't have money or a job.....divorce is 50/50....but all debt is 50/50 also even if it's debt they have taken on if. Just watch out & take care of yourself above all else