[lark265]

I am telling myself I am weak/no backbone (and I may be right)....because I haven't acted yet on my relationship with my wife......we have been separated for about 4 years now.......it's kind of come to the time where I need to "fish or cut bait"......being in this limbo is too much, just too much......funny though, she seems to be just fine with it.....she is not upset, like I am, about the unsuredness........but it must be wearing on her too.........I mean, this should not be such a tough decision to make - the choices are work on getting back together or starting divorce process........I don't think deep down in my heart that I really want to move back in with her.....but, the thing is, I was over ther tonight and playing with my 7 to daughter and my 4 yo son........my daughter could probably handle a divorce but not my son......he is so young, so vulnerable.....so sweet.....he would not "get it".....I think he would see it like, "Daddy is leaving us".......the reality is I think I would be more free to be with them (my kids).....but my son just is too little to get it.......God it hurts......I know there is such a thing as "staying together for the kids" and I agree that it's not a great idea - but now that it's me it's different.........I think maybe I'm doing something wrong......what to do, what to do.........if this keeps going on much more I feel like I will implode....

[gma45]

Sorry to hear you are having problems with this, it is hard when kids are involved. Unless you plan on getting remarried soon why worry about it, it's just a piece of paper. Do you think it would be much different than it is? It is just a legality. Anyways that is just my take on it at the moment ,of course I don't know the whole story. And you might be surprised at who would handle it better. My divorce my son was 7 and it was hard on him. At four you just grow up as that is the way it always has been, 7 is different. I wish you the best.

[healingme4me]

Why aren't you having visitations in your own place ?

[lark265]

Originally Posted by gma45

Sorry to hear you are having problems with this, it is hard when kids are involved. Unless you plan on getting remarried soon why worry about it, it's just a piece of paper. Do you think it would be much different than it is? It is just a legality. Anyways that is just my take on it at the moment ,of course I don't know the whole story. And you might be surprised at who would handle it better. My divorce my son was 7 and it was hard on him. At four you just grow up as that is the way it always has been, 7 is different. I wish you the best.

wow, thanks so much for your insights

[jimmy rich]

Originally Posted by lark265

I am telling myself I am weak/no backbone (and I may be right)....because I haven't acted yet on my relationship with my wife......we have been separated for about 4 years now.......it's kind of come to the time where I need to "fish or cut bait"......being in this limbo is too much, just too much......funny though, she seems to be just fine with it.....she is not upset, like I am, about the unsuredness........but it must be wearing on her too.........I mean, this should not be such a tough decision to make - the choices are work on getting back together or starting divorce process........I don't think deep down in my heart that I really want to move back in with her.....but, the thing is, I was over ther tonight and playing with my 7 to daughter and my 4 yo son........my daughter could probably handle a divorce but not my son......he is so young, so vulnerable.....so sweet.....he would not "get it".....I think he would see it like, "Daddy is leaving us".......the reality is I think I would be more free to be with them (my kids).....but my son just is too little to get it.......God it hurts......I know there is such a thing as "staying together for the kids" and I agree that it's not a great idea - but now that it's me it's different.........I think maybe I'm doing something wrong......what to do, what to do.........if this keeps going on much more I feel like I will implode....

If this was my problem, I would first figure out what good or bad is happening to my kids due to my relationship with their mother. Then, depending on how good or bad things would be for the kids, I'd go from there.
IMO and experience, a troubled relationship between the parents usually has a bad effect on the kids - it did in our family! Dad got fed up with all of us ungrateful a**holes, packed up his stuff and WALKED OUT! My brother and I were in our teens and I was glad to see him go but I believe it hurt our little sister, his favorite. Oddly, as soon as he was gone ALL OF US began to blossom and the smiles quickly returned to our distressed faces. Dad was a very abusive, frightening and disturbed alcoholic and I am ever so grateful that our parents DID NOT decide to "stay together for us kids" - it would have been a DISASTER!
If I were you, I would not "hang around" year after year but I'd go off and begin living the life I truly want and allow my wife and kids to follow their own path or star.
good luck,
jim