[hopingforpeace]

I finally said it...the word divorce to my husband of only 2 years. After being lied to indiscriminately about little things and big things. It's finally come to "debt do us part". Please read on, I appreciate any help or perspective you can provide. My husband lies to me, in disputes he's said "you can't prove it" which to me is all the confirmation I need. Most recently, we had some emergency repair done to the house (his before marriage) to the tune of $8,000. We keep our finances separate. I give him money toward household expenses and do the food shopping. I would have hoped he had some money saved from what I give him but he says he doesn't have any and he had to put it on his credit card and will be taking a home equity loan to pay for it. I had to be at the closing to sign a form as a non-vested spouse. At the bank, it turned out the loan was for $11,000 to pay off credit card debt and I ended up basically co-signing the loan on almost every page. When we got home, I asked him to show me the credit card statements that add up to $11,000 and he wouldn't. He got very defensive, I ended up exercising my right to cancel because all weekend passed an he wouldn't fess up. I told him I can make payments to the bank for the emergency repair of the house, if he shows me the charge on the credit statement but that I wouldn't be giving him anymore cash, since he spends it all. This is just a snapshot, there have been many similar disagreements, he wouldn't discuss finances before marriage and after the honeymoon I had to give him $1,000 to pay off his credit card plus all the wedding gift money went to his bank account and i paid for the honeymoon. He did put me on his account so we could deposit the wedding money but the only time I purchased something, he put on a huge show disputing the charge with the credit card company when I had given him the cash in advance for a dance class we were going to take that was cancelled.

[jelly-bean]

Goodness! Your marriage has a couple of MAJOR problems. He can put you in such a deep hole! I think you are doing the right thing even though it is really painful for you. I wish you the best during what is a difficult time.

[CANDC]

Welcome to PC Hoping. Sorry you are having such an unexpected result. It sounds like you are shocked by this situation. Is it worth talking about therapy to repair the damage or is trust completely lost?

If you are feeling like you can't live together, do you have parents you could move in with? Sounds like things are getting very difficult where you are. It sounds like a violation of trust that makes relationships very difficult to maintain.

Money disputes can make relationships very difficult. Some people need to see a divorce lawyer or some kind of lawyer with good online recommendations or a personal referral, to protect them from what could be a kind of scam or fraud that sounds like may have been played on you.

Be very careful if you leave the house to formally give notice to the landlord or any other financial entities that you assume responsibility for expenses, otherwise you could be liable for ongoing bills that keep mounting up. A lawyer might be necessary to free you of your legal obligations. Discuss all financial involvement by a written list to help clear up the tangles depending on how simple or complex it is.

If abuse occurs, get to a safe place as soon as possible and get an advocate. I would hope things do not deteriorate to that point, but keep your own safety as a primary concern in this process.

Feel free to private message me (upper right corner under your name) or any community liason.

[hopingforpeace]

Originally Posted by CANDC

Welcome to PC Hoping. Sorry you are having such an unexpected result. It sounds like you are shocked by this situation. Is it worth talking about therapy to repair the damage or is trust completely lost?

If you are feeling like you can't live together, do you have parents you could move in with? Sounds like things are getting very difficult where you are. It sounds like a violation of trust that makes relationships very difficult to maintain.

Money disputes can make relationships very difficult. Some people need to see a divorce lawyer or some kind of lawyer with good online recommendations or a personal referral, to protect them from what could be a kind of scam or fraud that sounds like may have been played on you.

Be very careful if you leave the house to formally give notice to the landlord or any other financial entities that you assume responsibility for expenses, otherwise you could be liable for ongoing bills that keep mounting up. A lawyer might be necessary to free you of your legal obligations. Discuss all financial involvement by a written list to help clear up the tangles depending on how simple or complex it is.

If abuse occurs, get to a safe place as soon as possible and get an advocate. I would hope things do not deteriorate to that point, but keep your own safety as a primary concern in this process.

Feel free to private message me (upper right corner under your name) or any community liason.

Thank you for reading my post. I just found it, I couldnt remember where I posted this.