trapped

ohhh poor me.....so hard to let go. My wife and two kids. I think I must have OCD since this issue keeps running and running around in my head without resolution. So hard to let go.....please - anyone else have this issue? How to separate myself from my wife emotionally yet still be a Dad??!! It's so hard that sometimes I wish I had never been married and had kids, though it's something I've dreamed of since I was a teenager. I COULD, of course, move back in (we have been separated for about 4 years now, and she would be OK with my moving back in)........why would I want to do that? TO BE WITH MY KIDS DAY IN AND DAY OUT......that is something I don't have right now. I "visit" with them 3-4 times a week at my wife's house (my place is too small to have kids overnight). Deep down, I feel like I BELONG there with them. But my wife is very very hard to live with. Not fun. She can go from zero to sixty and be in a rage in 10 seconds. The rages are always directed at me......usually for no good reason - like for example if I mistakenly make a negative comment about her parenting or housekeeping skills. I am not a ****....I don't look for words to make her rage once again, always in front of the kids. The kids (now ages 7 and 5) are acclimated to these rages by now. But they are so demeaning........in front of the kids......"you are a f****** loser!! You don't ever contribute!! You pretend to be a good Dad but you're not......." etc etc.......I know her mind isn't quite right.....she holds a great job, is pretty good socially......but the rages are at me.......so I try my best NOT to instigate when I am there. This is a stressful job. But when she is rational, things are pretty good. Again, God, tell my please.....why do I want to move back in? Please God, just please let me know what to do......I am sssooo tired of this. And so are my poor kids. All I care about is them. "Divorce" is a stigma, a mental blow that kids never get over. So I should move back in? For that reason? No, I know that isn't right. I would be miserable. My misery would permeate the household. Year after year. But this living apart is murder. I am so tired of being a "visitor" to my flesh and blood. If I was dead, no more problems. I am not advocating suicide...I would never do that........just expressing........I know what that would do to my kids. They would think I killed myself because of them somehow. God, what to do.......thank you

I am so sorry to hear about your plight. What a struggle you must be going through. If I understand you correctly, you dont know wether to go back or to stay away. You must miss your children very much in this situation. I have no advice, but I feel for you. But I believe there will be a way. Just try to take good care of yourself and try to be there for your children anyway you can, even if it is in a limited capacity right now.

It sounds like your wife in not good for you! You moved out for a reason, and it sounds like the reason hasn't changed. Your wife raging at you is not good for you or your kids. When I was a kid and my parents fought all the time, I wished they would divorce! Are you seeing a therapist to help you work out your feelings?

Going through separation is the pits, but so is in-home separation. Would that be how it is if you moved back in, or would you resume the relationship with your wife?
If she only has rages at you, I wouldn't go back even though you must be missing your rug rats fiercely its no good for them to witness. Maybe save for a bigger place so you can have your kids stay with you?

It sounds like your relationship with your wife is over and for good reasons. Moving back in sounds like a bad idea, your kids deserve to see that you respect yourself and that you don't let other people treat you badly and compromise your dignity. I would suggest focusing on the time you do spend with your children and on improving yourself and your happiness.

Good luck!