[Whisper888]

This is my first time posting here. After I had my youngest child, I realized that my husband and I are 2 completely different people. I considered leaving. But decided that I wasn't willing to work full time and sacrifice my time with my kids when they were so young. So I made a choice...I decided that I would stay with my husband for the sake of my kids. I killed myself for the last 8 years trying to make my marriage and my family work. The problem is...I'm exhausted and lonely because I'm the only one that puts the effort in. About 6 months ago I decided to grow a back bone and start getting my affairs in order so I can take my kids and leave. I want to make this as easy on my kids as possible so I think I will be ready in 4 more months. But in the meantime...I'm heartbroken. I have no one to talk to. Some days I just count down the hours until bed...so I can have a cry. I'm not sure what to do to get through the next few months. I know in my heart that I need to leave, and that it's best. I just feel so alone right now. Any thoughts on how to cope with the stress and emotions when u don't feel u can share this enormous secret with ur friends or family?

[Skeezyks]

Hello Whisper888: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral... from the Skeezyks! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

Many of us are here on PC because we have no one in real life we can talk with. Posting here on PC can be a great comfort. There are many caring & knowledgeable members here. The more you post, & reply to other members' posts, the more connected to the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you'll be able to communicate with other members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) So, hopefully, you may find that PC is just what you need in order to carry you through this difficult time. I wish you well...

[gayleggg]

Have you considered seeing a therapist?

That's the great thing about PC, you can tell your problems and communicate with other, not leaving you feeling so alone. I often discuss things here rather than with a IRL person because I don't want to share with someone that might judge me or let secrets slip.

Good luck to you on your life change. I'm sure you will be very happy not having to put up a front.

[fairydustgirl]

I second the opinion of getting a therapist, it is someone who you can confide in and will help guide you in working towards your new path. My dr listened to me for years and when that straw was finally laid upon my back, I had my dr to help me articulate what I wanted and needed. She did not tell me to get a divorce but simply said if I made that decision she would support me. Although when I told about a violent act he did towards the end, both she and my pdoc were telling me to leave the house. Honestly, she and another friend are what got me through that time, it's only been two years since I made the decision to leave.
Definitely coming here to PC is good to, just to have someone to listen to you and sometimes talk to others.
Take care.

[TishaBuv]

Hello and welcome to PC! I am also ending a long-term marriage. So many conflicting emotions. I've been struggling between trying to make it work and ending it for a long time.

When you are ready, you will end it and have to tell your family and friends.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by Whisper888

Any thoughts on how to cope with the stress and emotions when u don't feel u can share this enormous secret with ur friends or family?

I do agree about speaking with a couselor. There's nuances with the stress and emotions that come with leaving a marriage. I probably surprised my own at the time because much of my weekly sessions delved into my need to cut the apron strings between myself and my mom and had only grazed the surface of my marriage, at that point. Then my insurance changed as did my therapists, but it can be a great benefit to speak with one during such a major life upheaval.



Just to add. You've got to figure with my first therapist during this time, my then husband would ask what was discussed. Yes, I was working on boundaries, too. For instance, it was certainly none of his business, however, he would sense if I was lying. So I was tiptoeing, sort of.