[Whisper888]

For me, the idea that I have been enduring a bad marriage for far too long, started with a wisper...a stray thought. Last year, out of the blue I developed anxiety disorder, which led to depression. It took me 6 month to figure out what was going on..and another 8 to get it mostly under control.while talking to a friend, I mentioned that I hadn't been feeling well. He went on to say his wife had been in bed all week with the flu and how badly he felt for her and how he was just trying to help as much as he could. I never thought much of it at the time, but that night while lying in bed the coversat ion came back to me....and before I could stop it I thought. "It must be nice to have someone who cares for you" The tears came bursting out of me...because deep down I knew that 19 years of marriage and my husband didn't really care for me. He cared that I didn't get my usual chores done.That my incredible dinners had downgraded to hotdogs and grilled cheese. And that I wasn't as organized with homework and kids activities. He cared that I didn't want to be intimate. But he DIDN'T care about my well being. 6 months I sat alone...and he only cared about how it affected his life. That small whisper kept haunting me. Getting louder and louder. Now i feel it yelling at me. Telling me that staying with him is slowly changing me. Stealing my light. My sparkle. A whisper is small but powerful. The beginning of change. And often...it is our soul trying to get our attention. So for all of you going through a tough time in your life...a cross roads in your journey. Just listen..your heart probably know the true answer...but right now it's just a wisper

[TishaBuv]

At our wedding, when he left me alone, disappearing to help his parents load presents into their car. All the guests left and left me sitting in the ballroom alone, unbelievably awkward. The maid of honor walked me up to the honeymoon suite.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by Whisper888

that night while lying in bed the coversat ion came back to me....and before I could stop it I thought. "It must be nice to have someone who cares for you" The tears came bursting out of me...because deep down I knew that 19 years of marriage and my husband didn't really care for me. He cared that I didn't get my usual chores done.That my incredible dinners had downgraded to hotdogs and grilled cheese. And that I wasn't as organized with homework and kids activities. He cared that I didn't want to be intimate. But he DIDN'T care about my well being. 6 months I sat alone...and he only cared about how it affected his life.

Very insightful.

[TishaBuv]

Same with me. He only cared if it affected him. He had no empathy for the pain I was in that he was causing me. He let me wallow in depression, encouraged me to over dose.

He didn't even care if I didn't make dinner. And he wouldn't make any effort to make dinner himself or do anything to fix our problem, to cheer me up, to change. He'd just eat the hotdog, if that's all I made. Or say we should just go out to eat. So lazy.

He just didn't see that he could have and should have done something to fix the situation.

[wdingman]

I hope you are able to find the courage to do the right thing, whatever that may be. I am glad to hear you are getting your depression under control. (Does that mean you are seeing a psychologist?) I found it very helpful to talk to my psychologist about my marriage (which has ended in divorce because of my wife's psychological abuse of me). He or she may be able to offer some insight on how to move forward.

[Mid-Life-Larry]

First time i questioned my marriage was in 2012. I crashed pretty hard and was at the lowest point in my life mentally, emotionally, and financially... I didn't want to live.

long story short.. I reached out for help to a crisis center for combat Veterans, They helped me get back on my feet and to get out of that dark place in my head.

Counselors wanted both of us to attend support classes and sessions etc.. -- Wife refused. I thought she was scared.. .so I kept pleading.... she was very unsympathetic... eventually saying, It was NOT her problem.
-- That hurt a lot, especially after years and years of marriage... it's been downhill ever since and we will probably separate. I'm sad, but not an emotional wreck.