[Blizz88]

My ex and I have been talking and seeing each other again, and it has become clear that we would both like to get back together. However, we both did some hurtful things in the time that we were separated that we are trying to move on from. We have agreed to leave the past in the past and carry on. We both want a fresh start. It is easier said than done because some of the trust is just gone between us. He would tell little lies during our past relationship because he was afraid of how I would react, and it would be over something small. One time, he was out with his buddies when he told me he would be staying home that night. Or a girl would try flirting with him, and he just would not tell me about it. Little things like that build up though. So when we split, we both when our own ways, made our own mistakes, and lied about it a little bit to one another. Respectfully, some of the trust is gone. We are working on it, but it can be difficult. The other night, something reminded him of something I did while we were separated, and he flipped out. He got upset, raised his voice, and we had to back track to talk about it. I have done it too. I will see something or wonder about something he did with this girl he got involved with, and I will shut down for a minute. We will talk about it and then be fine. We are both trying not to hold anything against each other and we are trying not to throw anything in one another's face. I know it is not healthy to do that. I guess it just takes time and we have to keep communicating in order to express all of our emotions and concerns. I just wish it was all behind us already so we could start over. Any suggestions?

[Skeezyks]

Hello Blizz88: The Skeezyks does not have any particular suggestions for you. From what you wrote, it sounds as though the two of you are doing a lot of things right. This is to be celebrated! I wish you both great success as you continue to try to put your relationship back together.

[healingme4me]

Maybe work on bonding experiences, focusing on doing more things together that enhance your relationship.

It's ok to grow quiet and reflective. And sometimes working on that emotion in a journal gives pause to the need to talk about something that's really not something he can fix, per se. If the feeling recurs again, jot it down, asking yourself if it's his fix or is it your feeling to own?

[Ceridwen18]

I guess the things that keep coming up may be things that are unresolved, or at least the issues underlying them are, like trust, as you mentioned. Some of those things can be resolved, others just take time, and there's no fast forward button!
My only suggestion is to focus on "the now". How much of what happened before matters right now, in the moment you are in? It can be hard to move forward, when we are still thinking about wrongs from the past. If the issues have been resolved as much as they can, and you are both willing to give some trust, could you just make certain topics taboo?