[Whisper888]

I've posted before, basically I've already decided it's time to get a divorce, but I'm waiting till I get all my affairs in order before I leave. For my kids sake.
I feel so empty. I'm desperately sad... I cry alot. Mostly at night when I'm alone. And I'm very angry...
I feel like I've done everything I could do. I was supportive, compassionate, hardworking, honest aND I have a true pasion for lifethat others immediatly see....why couldn't he give anything back?? I feel like..I made a double decker chocolate cake...and he gave me a crumb. AND THEN thought I should thank him for that crumb...
I am so sick of crumbs.
Is this normal...is this what you feel when you reach the end? Sad and angry? I wish someone could just tell me...hang in there girl..you got this. Everything will work out down the road. Some weeks..like this week...it's just so hard to stay strong...even when you know in your heart your on the right path.

Whisper - big hugs to you. I'm divorced. It is normal to experience such emotions when there is a divorce. I think it is healthy, too. Bottling up those emotions is not the way to go. So don't worry, dear.

I was married 16 years (20 year relationship) and it became a one-sided relationship. I was giving and he was not. I know I had my own issues, too, but it just wasn't working, hence the divorce.

I remember feeling angry, stressed, resentful, and other emotions. Even though I was getting out of an unhealthy relationship and that was best - I recall feeling a sense of loss, too. The death of a long relationship that sadly couldn't be repaired.

That was in 2011. I'm am so much happier now, I can't even adequately describe how much better life is post-divorce. My teenager is happier, too. We never fought in front of her but there was so much tension between my ex and me. Kids pick up on things and adapt well to changes, including divorce.

Is my life perfect? Of course not, life always has challenges. I'm in such a better place now and I have a loving relationship with a wonderful man. I feel like I've been given a new lease on life, so to speak. =]

I did see a therapist for awhile that helped me process my feelings. That was a very healthy decision and you may want to see a therapist. You can always discontinue therapy if you find it unnecessary.

However, if you aren't seeing a therapist already I think you will be surprised how helpful it can be. I'm no longer in need of therapy but I'm glad that I was in therapy during my divorce and for awhile after my divorce was final.

I hope you will continue posting as we can support you here. I wish you the best and welcome to the PC forums.

[Blizz88]

It is perfectly normal to experience these feelings. It can be very aggravating when you have done all you can think of, and things still don't pan out the way you wanted. People in relationships should always feel appreciated, even if that appreciation is shown in what seems like a small way. I'm sure we have all heard the phrase "relationships are about give and take." It cannot always be take take take; there needs to be a middle ground and compromise. You feeling angry and sad are normal reactions to have. I think it is smart that you want to get everything in order first, especially because of your children.

[Whisper888]

Originally Posted by rainyday107

Whisper - big hugs to you. I'm divorced. It is normal to experience such emotions when there is a divorce. I think it is healthy, too. Bottling up those emotions is not the way to go. So don't worry, dear.

I was married 16 years (20 year relationship) and it became a one-sided relationship. I was giving and he was not. I know I had my own issues, too, but it just wasn't working, hence the divorce.

I remember feeling angry, stressed, resentful, and other emotions. Even though I was getting out of an unhealthy relationship and that was best - I recall feeling a sense of loss, too. The death of a long relationship that sadly couldn't be repaired.

That was in 2011. I'm am so much happier now, I can't even adequately describe how much better life is post-divorce. My teenager is happier, too. We never fought in front of her but there was so much tension between my ex and me. Kids pick up on things and adapt well to changes, including divorce.

Is my life perfect? Of course not, life always has challenges. I'm in such a better place now and I have a loving relationship with a wonderful man. I feel like I've been given a new lease on life, so to speak. =]

I did see a therapist for awhile that helped me process my feelings. That was a very healthy decision and you may want to see a therapist. You can always discontinue therapy if you find it unnecessary.

However, if you aren't seeing a therapist already I think you will be surprised how helpful it can be. I'm no longer in need of therapy but I'm glad that I was in therapy during my divorce and for awhile after my divorce was final.

I hope you will continue posting as we can support you here. I wish you the best and welcome to the PC forums.

Thank you so much, your words and personal story meant more to me then u will ever know💚❤💙

[highnrg1]

You are doing a great job thinking through everything and processing. All of your feelings and emotions are SO normal. I agonized and prepared and prayed over the decision for almost 2 years before we actually started proceedings. It took another 3 years to complete the divorce after that. So it is a journey. I went back and forth so many times wondering "is this the right thing? Did I do everything I could?" It sounds like you are doing the same and that is great because you clearly are not taking the situation lightly and you are definitely considering your children's needs first and foremost, so you are definitely handling this well.
Just know you are not alone and keep reaching out and looking for your answers for "if" you may need to be divorced and if so, "when" might be the right time. Like Rainy Day, I am SO much more content and peaceful not being in my marriage and although it took a great deal of time, when I knew it was the right decision, I had so much peace about it. That's not to say it was easy. Making the decision truly just begins another "phase" of a usually challenging process. Starting that process knowing you have done everything you can will surely help and you are clearly seeking that. Good for you!
I absolutely LOVE your cake and crumb analogy!
Best of luck and please keep us posted.

Whisper, I am glad my post was helpful.

Keep us updated on how you are doing. My PM box is open to you, too.

[Ceridwen18]

Someone has already the word loss, and I think that's key here. Grief often involves anger and sadness. Grieving the loss of something you worked so hard on, for so long, is to be completely expected. The intensity will pass. Give yourself time. Acceptance will come.
Hugs