I want to move forward

Hello everyone.
My partner and I have gotten back together, and it has been great thus far. He is consciously working on how he communicates when he is angered, as am I. Yet, I am a little worried about something. In our previous relationship, things became stagnant. I felt like we were stuck in the same place, never moving forward. I wanted to really start our lives together. We had been together for 3.5 years and hadn't moved in together, weren't engaged, and we stopped going on regular dates. I understand that every relationship progresses at its own pace, but it caused us to get lazy in our relationship. I don't want that to happen again, but I'm unsure what his plans are. I don't want to just fall back into old habits. I don't know what to do. I don't want to rush him into anything, but I would like to move in together in the near future. I just don't want to get stuck in the same place again. I am ready for more, but I don't know if he is

Hello, Blizz88. Congratulations on reconciliation with your partner!

3.5 years is a long enough time to think about the future of your relationship and what each of you want for your future as a couple. You stated you are concerned about the relationship becoming stagnant again. I think this is an important concern for you as a couple and you deserve to know where the future stands for the two of you. He may be stalling for different reasons but it's speculation at this point, IMO.

Ask him! Tell him you need to speak to him about your needs in your relationship and that you want to know what his needs are, too. This is the time to be very upfront about your needs - don't make ultimatums. Just be very clear that you are happy the two of you reconciled and you need to talk to him about your future as a couple.

If he stalls on having this conversation in the very least near future or has needs and goals that aren't similar to yours - think seriously about your future happiness and what you are willing to sacrifice and what are the critical things you want. Tell him what you want and be straightforward in a nondemanding but very clear way. Tell him to please be completely honest with you, too.

Good luck and keep us posted!:

Moving in together is a big step in any relationship that requires a lot of work to sustain. There are likely many fears on both sides. The first step is to have an open honest conversation with ur SO about your relationship
Tell him what is on your mind. This requires quite a bit of finesse...esp. if he is the type that generally is avoidance of serious conversations or if he has a tendency to receive your thoughts and feelings as accusitory in some way. So some times it may require quite a few short talks overtime depending on his tolerance level. But regardless you need to find a way to express your needs and worries bc if you don't speak up how do you expect anyone to know anything? If, he is receptive to the conversation, then speak calmly, and prioritize your thoughts. This way you are able to stay on course and only bring up what is actually important and not get off track with minor annoyances or try to cram so much in that it leaves him overwhelmed. after you state your thoughts, ask him what he thinks. NO ULTIMATUMS! Simply ask does this make sense? Or how do you feel about this? Or what do you need/ want outta this relationship? etc.. whatever way you know him to most likely be responsive. Then stop thinking about your stuff and fully actively listen to him. He may have stuff that you never realized, or he may be somewhere on the same pg as you, or he may be short and vague, or he may just disagree entirely... if he is short and vague very subtly and gently try to prompt him to explain more. If he says idk or if he starts to shutdown. Let him know it's ok. I know it's a lot to think about, how about we revisit it in a week when you have had time to process or whatever kinda language work btwn you two... if he is somewhere on the same pg but seems to start to withdraw....try to bring him back in..gently using validating language and hopefully be able to brainstorm together...or offer somethings that you feel maybe helpful and offer a compromise that you find acceptable..it may require a "negotiation" and a fair amount of give and take. Be patient but direct. Know your boundaries ahead of time so you do not end up agreeing to things that you regret later. And even thought it is a serious conversation...Keep it Light! If he wants a future with you it should be positive and fun, so reflect that attitude in the talk! Hope this helps

Or...what Rainy was able to say way more concisely, while I was busy mucking about in hyperspace! :P

Hi Blizz
Rainy day said it all-

If he stalls on having this conversation in the very least near future or has needs and goals that aren't similar to yours - think seriously about your future happiness and what you are willing to sacrifice and what are the critical things you want. Tell him what you want and be straightforward in a nondemanding but very clear way. Tell him to please be completely honest with you, too.

Don't underestimate this (above), it will catch up with you and by then you would be drained. Nothing works likes authenticity in a relationship.

i hope it works out for you