[Mommyoftwo1979]

My children are 4 and 2 years old. I have been separated and living away from my ex since December of 2014. When I was living with my ex I suffered from a deep depression and developed anxiety. I blame this on my ex. I never suffered from anxiety before I met my ex. I have had depression off and on since I was a teenager. I currently do not take medications for any of these problems, I've been dealing with them on my own. Maybe in the future that might change, but my depression and anxiety have lessoned since I've been away from my ex.
My current situation I am dealing with is finding a good timeshare with my children and their father and one where we can both agree on. I have trouble agreeing with him due to him being a jerk who thinks he should get his way all the time, and he should have his daughter's when it's convenient for him. Saturday 10-15-16, my ex saw his daughter's for 2 hours and 20 minutes, before that he had seen them the month before. He is supposed to see them Sunday, Monday, Wednesday and Friday. So far he hasn't been sticking to that agreement. Now that football season has started, he doesn't want to see them because it will interfere with his games. He lives very close to me, he also is out of work and currently can not pay me any child support. Yet he tells me I try and deny him his rights to see his daughter's. Which I've only done once or twice because he came when they were getting ready for bed, and I've told him in the past their bedtime.
He has mentioned to me recently that he wants to take the girls places and that seriously scares me and get my anxiety up. My oldest daughter i could see him possibly taking her to a movie or a walk around the mall, the beach or to a store. My youngest is my biggest worry. She will wonder off and she is very sensitive and cries a lot. She is currently getting evaluated by a phycologist for Autism. If my youngest has Autism, my ex won't know how to handle her, he can't handle her now, and she barely goes by him. He also doesn't want to acknowledge she even has an issue. He just says her speech is slow. She will be attending a preschool that works with children who need speech therapy.
When he comes to me and demands that he wants to take them somewhere, I have to tell him no for my youngest. I want her to have better speech and to be a little older as well.
Am I in the wrong for me saying no to him? I am very protective of my daughter's and him having them for day trips or even sleepovers absolutely terrifies me.
He also is a drinker and has drank around them in the past when him and I were living together. He is an alcoholic, but refuses to get any help. He also mentally abused me when we were together (alot when he drank), and I don't want him to do that to my daughter's when he has them.
He is not a very good father, he sort of tries, but he fails miserably.
I have been trying to work with him for the children, but he doesn't want to work with me. I feel if he keeps fighting with me about my serious concerns I have for my daughter's safety, I have no choice but to take him to court. My fear with court is, that he gets to have them over the weekends and that scares me so much.
I really don't know what else to do here. I feel stuck.

[Skeezyks]

Hello Mommyoftwo1979: I'm sorry I am unable to be of assistance with regard to your predicament. However I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. There are many knowledgeable & caring members here. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!

[Rose76]

Can you explain a little bit about how this timeshare would work? How can he afford to invest in this, if he has no income?

I think your fears for your daughters' welfare when they are with their dad are very, very well-founded. If I were you, I'ld be very glad that football season is keeping this guy away from your daughters. Start a journal and make notes on what he does, like showing up late to get them. Note down any episodes of drinking that you are aware of. If he is prone to drunkeness, I believe the court would be very sympathetic to limiting their dad's access to them. Like you, I would be scared out of my mind. And your younger girl does not need any destabilizing influence compounding her problems.

I'm glad you are finding that being away from your ex is allowing you to have less anxiety. That's a big confirmation that separating was a good move on your part.

This man is not interested in being inconvenienced by the respondibilities of fatherhood. But he's building a defence by saying you thwart his attempts to be involved with the girls. He plans to use that defence for many years. He thinks he's being clever and finding a way to keep people from seeing him for what he is - a negligent father.

Protect your children. No father is better than an irresponsible one.

[Yoda]

Perhaps he needs supervised visitation

[cakeladie]

My son has autism and mild retardation and an auditory processing disorder. When he was about 1 1/2 years old his dad left us because he could not handle it. But when we went to divorce he said that I would not let him see our son. So I had to have witnesses etc to prove what I was saying was true. My ex is a real charmer.

My son is now 26 years old and in July I had to text his dad and remind him it was his sons birthday. Everything that I need mor my son from his father is a fight. He has remarried and had 3 children so why does he need a son like ours.

But I will tell you this my son my have his issues but he is a kind caring person. He is able to work around 30 hours week. He sees a therapist once a week and a psychiatrist every 4-6 weeks.

Keep your chin up I had to fight the schorl to get me son the education he deserved. You might have to do that to. But be strong for them

[Rose76]

Hi cakeladie. I was very interested in your post. You've re-inforced a suggestion I made about something that I think has become a trend. The dad's who care the least are probably the slickest at immediately laying down the groundwork for this defense of "She has turned the child against me and/or she prevents me having contact."

Years ago, my boyfriend used to tell me about a divorced guy he knew who used to hang around a neighborhood bar and was always going to the jukebox to play, "Hey, did you happen to see the most beautiful girl in the world?" (a country/western tune) My bf would be almost in tears telling me about this great guy who "adored" his little girl, but told everyone at the bar how his ex wasn't letting him have much contact. "Yeah," my bf used to say, "poor guy was always there at the bar, playing that song and trying to drown his sorrows in booze. Oh, how he loved that child." It just now dawned on me what a crock 'o crap that probably was . . . and what the reality more likely was. I guess deadbeat/uninvolved dads have been peddling this bull-doo-doo since forever.

Kudos to you, c.l., for managing well on your own, parenting your son. I'm sure there were times when it was tough.

Committing to a timeshare with your destitute, alcoholic ex? What could go wrong? Seriously, think it over. I lived in Torrance for four years and the South Bay could be messing with your head.

[Artchic528]

Originally Posted by Lefty the Salesman

Committing to a timeshare with your destitute, alcoholic ex? What could go wrong? Seriously, think it over. I lived in Torrance for four years and the South Bay could be messing with your head.

I second this. Why are you even considering a timeshare with such a man? If he's drinking all his money away, having no solid income to speak of, what's the point in doing anything legally binding with him anymore?

[avlady]

good luck, your bf seems controling, who knows what he will do next?i sort of was in your shoes with a court custody case which in the end i won beacuse i was not married legally. good luck

[MickeyCheeky]

Good luck with everything