[Wantmyhusbandback]

My husband told me 4 months ago he did love me anymore and wanted a divorce. Didn't talk to me for 2 months. Then he hit rock bottom and I was there to pick him up and handle everything for him. We started talking after that and started therapy. He said he would try 100% to work it out. He said he loves me but not in love wit me. So we started going out on dates once on the weekends and talking and texting during the week. About 4 weeks ago the first 2 weekend dates everything was good he talked about getting me a suv. The third weekend he said if things didnt work out how would I pay for it. Then the 4th weekend everything was good. 5th weekend I get a text that we are moving to fast take a break this weekend. 6th weekend everything is going great now he's talking about getting the suv again for me and stopped at a dealership to look to see what they had. Asked if we can swing two payments at once.

[Skeezyks]

Hello Wantmyhusbandback: It sounds as though this must be a most difficult situation for you... not knowing for certain how things will work out. I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks ! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. There are many knowledgeable & caring members here. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!

[fairydustgirl]

I"m really sorry you are going through all of this with your husband, the back and forth is really hard. It's not nearly the same as a new car, but a week after I told my ex I didn't want to be married anymore, he brought home a labrador puppy, maybe in hopes that it would keep us together? I'm not sure. I had agreed to go to counseling and gave him 2 months to see if things could change. Point is, I ended up with the dog 6 months after I moved out of the house because he couldn't take care of her. I didn't ask for 'dog support' money in the divorce so she is an extra expense I had not planned for when working out alimony. If you agree to buy a new car and things don't work out, can you afford to continue paying for the car? or do you end up giving it to him and you possibly have no vehicle?
that is of course worst case scenario.

[Wantmyhusbandback]

Thanks to all for the warm welcome. We are trying. The new suv thing is crazy. I don't know what he is thinking. He is the one that said he wanted a divorce and it was over at firSt now we are working on it. I will not be able to afford it I have not worked in over 20 yrs. I have been married to this man for 21 years and took care of us. I'm trying to find work but it's hard tell someone I never worked and need a chance.

[fairydustgirl]

I was married almost 30 years and didn't work outside the home. though I did go back to school for a teacher's license when my kids were in HS, unfortunately I became sick and was unable to get a classroom though I did substitute for a while. I was diagnosed with bipolar during my first attempt at student teaching after a breakdown. So, I know what you mean about getting a job, trying to make a career after all that time homemaking.
Unfortunately because I spent my working years raising humans I don't qualify for disability. In my separation agreement I get half of my ex's military retirement and I also get a certain amount in alimony that will continue until we reach SS retirement age (assuming it exists at that time!). If things don't work out, which I do hope they do, make sure you get alimony, you are entitled to part of any retirement accounts as well. my state is not a 50/50 state, it is equitable distribution. the bad part is...you have a share in debts as well. I gave up part of my share of the retirement accounts in order to make up that difference, I had no other money to use as I had no real assets.

my best advice is to talk to a divorce lawyer just to get information, there's a lot of information you need. also a lot of websites that can help. I'm only trying to look out for you in case your husband decides to follow through, you don't want to be blindsided.
basically what I discovered about divorce is that it is fundamentally a business transaction. so you need to be a smart businesswoman.

(BIGHUGS)