[beachgal8319]

How to handle a situation when your ex husband is asking your kids about your dating life? My seven year old son asked me who I had dinner with the other night after coming home from his dads, I asked him why he wanted to know and he said he would get a prize from dada if he told him. I am still upset by the fact my ex would put our children in the middle of this. My ex and I have a good relation in the sense we talk often about the kids. How do I handle this?

[BriarWolf86]

Are you legally divorced, and do you have a copy of the final ruling to reference for details? I'm going through a divorce right now, and it should be final within a month or two. The document drafted by the attorney in my case states...

[ X ] Neither parent shall disparage the other parent in the presence of the minor
child(ren).
[ X ] Neither parent shall place the child(ren) in the position of relaying messages or
communications between the parents. The parents shall communicate between
themselves and not through the child(ren). Both parents acknowledge and
agree that having the child(ren) act as the messenger between them is unfairly
and unnecessarily stressful to the child(ren).

If your divorce ruling has any similar provisions, your ex would be in violation of them, and is causing unnecessary stress to your son. Even if there are no provisions like that in your paperwork, I think it's pitiful that he's using your son to gather information and report back to him for bribe rewards... and I'm sure any family court would agree. Children should never be a conduit between parents, whether they're married or divorced.

I recommend using a smartphone app called "ACR" (Automatic Call Recorder) and placing a call to your ex to calmly discuss the matter. Try to get him on a recording admitting that he bribed your son into keeping tabs on you. However, I recommend checking to see what the laws in your state/country/region state regarding "one party audio recordings" being used as evidence in a civil court case. Most states will accept a recorded conversation as evidence in a civil court case, as long as JUST ONE PARTY is aware that the recording was being made. In this case, you would be the one making the recording, so you would be aware of it. It's not fun having to record things, since it's a sign that someone can't be trusted, but your ex already put a strain on the trust you had for him by using your son to keep tabs on you.

You may not be able to use the recording as evidence where you live, and even if you can, you may choose not to use it to take action against your ex. Either way, as long as it's legal for you to MAKE the recording where you live, it should show your ex that you mean business... I doubt he'll pull any more shady stunts like that in the future, knowing that you know how to protect yourself. People who get caught doing stuff like this, and are presented with irrefutable evidence of their bad behavior, generally stop once they realize you're a force to be reckoned with.

Sorry you and your son have to deal with the lame behavior of your ex. Sending you good juju, good luck! *hugs*