Welcome to Divorce and Separation

this message is to Ingridave2 . i have only been officially divorced for a few months but i understand completely with what you are talking about . I have two children as well . one is 8, the other is 9. Thier father and i were together for 9 years total and during that time he was a good father , he was a LOUSY husband , but a good father . Since i left him, he doesnt seem to have time for the children anymore . he is too busy with his new girlfriend who has made it very clear to myself and my children that she doesnt care for them all that much . my youngest is a girl and she has always been a daddys girl , but now that he is gone and has a gf, she feels as if she has lost her father forever. he has weekend visitation every other weekend and he can call them whenever he wants , he only calls on thursdays before he supposed to pick them up , the kids say all he does is go and buy them things and sit on the couch with his gf, and then brings them back on sundays but that he doesnt do anything with them . they fight with me every time i say its time to get ready to go to your dads neither of them wants to go . im lost and dont know what to do . can some one help me ?

I am currently having the same type of issue with my ex-hub. He also was a good father but terrible husband (although i wa not perfect either) He recently got involved with someone he met online and is totally obsessed. This is his first girlfriend since the divorce and he has become a completely different person. It has gotten to the point where my children also cry and have fits when it is time to go to his house. He has been neglecting them because he is so wrapped up with this new woman. Prior to her he called almost every night to say good night, did more with them, basically just paid attention to them. I have tried to tell him this however he then accuses me of trying to make him feel guilty. I am just trying to get it through his head that he is losing his kids over a 3 week relationship. I am very concerned about the kids. I don't know what to do. It is up to him at this point to make some changes, but he doesn't agree. Thinks I am making it up and telling the kids lies.. which is not true at all. I would never put the kids in the middle of this. I only want what is best for them. I don't trust him anymore as he has been going back on his words, and missing his nights with the kids. He is just not the same person at all. It is very sad and I hope he can make some changes soon or he will lose the kids!

Hi, I'm new as of this week-
Just need a place to get this heavy burden off my chest-I'm working to leave my emotionally abusive "boyfriend" he's negative everytime I talk to him, nothing is ever good enough or right- he doesn't appreciate anything anyone does for him, people start out liking him, but they drift away when they realize this...he's in my band, i live on his property so while I'm looking for another musician for that spot and a job for a new apartment- I have to interact with him-This 43 year old man has the maturity of a 13 year old, he's been laid off, finally had the first interview and wore shorts and sandals when they asked him to the 2nd one -"they'd have to see the real him", has an MBA, BSEE smoked pot all summer and expected me to support him with my disablity income...no I'm not perfect,I've been to a therapist about an emotionally abusive mother and I realize I've been feeling obligated to rewrite the past by pleasing an unpleasable person but I'm done, and moving on.
Here's the problem, I've been dealing with him in passing, by being involved in positive activites ( tap dance classes, community college,)but then he insists that we need to be "close" and "have conversations", which he uses as opportunities to talk about himself.
Every time I talk to him, try to give him the benefit of the doubt, it's almost always a waste of time-I try to be patient and bide my time until he finishes talking, but lately anytime I give him benefit of the doubt it's too draining, this last time it just felt like a big weight on my chest literally, like I could not breathe.

Hello,

I am so glad to have landed in this site. I've gone through separation in 2006 and divorced in 2008. I agree with Direction, we all need space and have clear path to live our life to the fullest. I also like to share experiences and help others ...

Recently I dated two men via online dating, both with qualities I like and how I wish I can find someone in both combination (real time).. It gives temporarily pleasure and excitement.. while keeping myself busy at work and meet up with my girlfriends.. hoping someday I'll meet someone I like lol.

A friend of mine said to me, to lower down my expectations... I disagreed with her... simply because, I had lowered my expectations and was married to, and now divorced, I should deserved better and should not get lower than that (my ex)...

So the points here that we have matured and learned our lessons, forgive ourselves and the one that hurt us in the past... so no one should feel low or bad of themselves after a rough divorce.. always be happy and thank God you are free ... to choose better MAN and direction.... lol

Hello everyone:

Hello all:
I'm hopefull this place will help me get thru and cope. My husband and I have been having problems for a while. We have trouble communicating. I'm afraid I have a lot of issues I had to face and then attempt to fix. However I had been to selfish to see it and much less get help. The worst part is he wanted to help, advising me and guiding me and I couln't do it. Now he has decided to leave. He's been gone about 2 mths. I talk or see him almost everyday. He tells me he loves me, kisses me and most of all he has expressed his enternal love for me. He just wants to be on his own with no one to answer to. It's totally killing me. I know I had a lot of maturing to do. I should have just loved him and trusted th love he has proven to me repeatedly. I have hope, as I work thru my issues that the deep profound love we have may bring us together again. Please help.

I'm going a divorce myself and I have so many issues going on and all that comes along with the separation and emotions. I have 3 kids 1 adult son that is 20yrs and a daughter that is 16 yrs old and a son that is 14 yrs old. My husband is Alcoholic and it's been really bad I have been abuse also. My husband has had 2 affairs also.
My kids have seen a lot of the fighting that has happen in the last 2 or 3 yrs and then this year has been the top. So I'm ending 21 years marriage.

Just found this, I am separated from my husband about 3 years now due to few reasons which I can't explain here until I know which one is the right forum to share. We are born again Christians, separation issues are very difficult to talk about because of others' different opinions. Could you direct me to the right forum if this isn't the right one? many thanks.

i am with someone who i love dearly, we finally feel like we found our soulmates and unfortunately, his ex wife is bipolar and is not making their divorce easy for me or him-
what do we do?

I got a divorce after 31 years of verbal and physical abuse....I am a christian; what my church did to me (very long story)....spiritual abuse...but I managed as always to make something positive come from the ashes: www.churchabusepoetrytherapy.com

I am the moderator of an abused survivors' group; have written my memoir and my book of poetry (Sanctuary of the Soul) is in the process of publication. I am working hard to get on national tv to speak about verbal abuse (rarely recognized nor understood). it took The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans to save my life and sanity. I have also written a 25 page paper on verbal abuse and joined the American Counseling Association; hopefully they will eventually accept my paper.....1 in 3 women abused and every 9 seconds a woman is assaulted. These are global statistics.....

Went back to school at age 60 and won a scholarship; it wasn't academic, but what I wrote about my life.

I believe we are all here to make a difference, and I will never stop. Getting a divorce was the most excruciating, scary experience of my life; being alone is right next to death for me, but I keep on....keeping on!

Thanks DocJohn,

I look forward to the wizened elders who have come through and the fellow siblings that are still struggling and growing through this new relationship journey. God Bless you and the team on the forums.

I'm neither separated or divorced ,but the issue is one that my therapist is putting to me now. I'm bipolar recently diagnosed and have dealt with severe depression for 7 years .I am a survivor of incest from my father for 5 years duration, I became pregnant with my first sexual partner at 17 and married the father . I've been married 34 years now with grown daughter and son. We have had good and bad times together but the bad were emotionally abusive and yes he was well aware of my situation with my father ,which gave him an upper hand I now believe . I have now the understanding with Steve ( children's father ) that I want nothing to do with him and I am not leaving my home . We have not been intimate in 9-10 years , my choice as I had issues with him over his abuse and my family had a long term emergency. I know that I did not have the ' tools' to respond to any of this by just leaving . So here I am now looking at the probability that my illness is linked to Steve's abusive ways though I have conditioned myself to remain unaffected, it is truly impossible to be unaffected. I am an artist , painter, and my hands are shot as I have had one carpel release which limits my work or working any where doing anything .Now I have an addition to my depression in bipolar disorder. I have no one to assist me financially for medical care if I divorce Steve and I would lose the insurance I have now. My feeling is that there is no choice but for me to stay married and do my best to cope with him . I've told Steve on more than one occasion to get a lawyer and each time he said he loved me. There is no getting through to him and I do fear not knowing how he would respond if I got the lawyer . I am so confused about what is really best for me, medical care is the big issue. Without it I may as well be here with him ,I at least will get meds . I have never worked longer than 1 year outside the home and had to give up my artistic business when my family had the emergency . I've thought maybe I could teach art in my home ,but meds are expensive . I am running all possible scenarios I can about all this . I've been in therapy for 6 weeks and added meds for 7 weeks . I'm not rushing to do anything ,but I have to think about this now. Any thoughts would be welcome as I have thought this to death I believe . Thanks so much for just being here.

I've now tried 2 therapist to help me sort out my marriage and family...I've quit both. The first talked more about her own family, and the second started taking her car to my husband! She didnt know he was my husband at first, but didnt offer to stop once she did so that ended that. The short of the long is that we invested our life savings to start a company that I opened. 6 months later in June drs find a brain tumor and I have to have surgery, wow, 6 weeks of planning, opinions and then the surgery which went well, and then I spend 2 months recovering - a fraction of what they wanted but I had to get back. 1 month later in Nov my husband gets fired, wrongly, but still - they make claims that leave us with no unemployment or insurance. I'm floored, he's devistated and everything starts falling apart. Our autistic/ADHD/PDDNOS (BP?)7 year old son is kicked out of school, then hospitalized for 3 weeks, then I have another surgery - this has taken us up to March and he has now gone since Nov with little work. We've charged and mortgaged everything. He finally takes a PT job that will allow up free insurance but it's too late for our finances and us, we never bounced back. He spent the next year smoking, smoking pot, binge drinking (all of which we dont do), ignoring the issues, not talking and coming home when he felt like it. He finally stopped(or said he did), started going to therapy, but he lies about anything he doesnt want to talk about. We went to the therapy but he didnt participate 'really' and weve just died. He felt like saying 'honey' and sweety was enough. Now here we are 2 years later and its just so hard. I'm afraid for my kids, especially my son with special needs. Any advice for sorting out sticking it out for another chance or seperating, other than the therapist route that I've tried twice already??

My ex-husband cheated on me with a bartender, she got preggo and he left me for her. I am successful, beautiful, and confident. I loved him with my whole heart and knew in my heart of hearts that we would be together forever. I never saw it any other way, I never saw it coming. This was two years ago. NOW, I can't feel anything for anyone I date. I am turned off by the littlest things, I want to be alone when I am with someone very good for me, I want them to leave me alone when they are being nice. I need to move past this as I have found the most wonderful person and I am pushing him away.

I am annoyed that at age 55 I find my self heading for another divorce woundring if something is wrong with me

i am from India, a going thru a torture of a seperation from my marriage of 6 yrs. i was with an emotional abuser who squeezed every ounce of worth and capabiities and made me sacrifice my family friends and career all in the name of love and working out this relationship. i hope to seek help and advice from like minded sufferer, whostill seeks to prolong the pain for me by avoiding the divorce procedures and making me guilty of all the things i've left behind.

I've just got my divorce papers today gutted I wanted to grow old with her I'm so lonely Ive gone to my bed and don't want to ever get out just curl up an sleep forever it don't feel I can go on

Hello, I'm new here. I'm both going through divorce right now. I hope both to get some information and to contribute with my own experience.

Winyan getting divorced definitely doesn't mean that there's something wrong with you. But maybe these circumstances could be teaching you something. Maybe about some emotional experiences in your childhood that need to be revealed and finally healed. This is a very common, yet hidden cause, that drives people's relationships to go the way they go...

Jamielow don't allow the circumstances and your ex-partner ruin your life. Yes - it does feel crappy and you have the right to feel all that comes. But just keep in mind, there's always a light at the end of the tunnel. And you will get through the tunnel. Separation is not the end of your life. Separation is the beginning of a new life. We have to get rid of things that don't serve us anymore in order that new things can come into our life. In this respect, you are free and your life is about to begin again.