Welcome to Divorce and Separation

This is the first time I have ever sought the advice/opinion of others over the Internet! I have been reading many wonderful articles on PC and thought I'd give this a try. I want and need to be more assertive. Here goes:

I have been married for 25 years. First 11 years my husband was an active alcoholic. We chose to get married because of my pregnancy. Obviously lots of hurt and pain with the drinking. When he became sober, 13 years ago, we decided to try for a second child and were blessed. Afterwards I suffered from mild post partum, and removal of my ovary which plunged me into menopause at the age of 40. Hormonally I was a mess. Basically then, I began to fall apart. Never a major episode, but mildly dysthymic--since childhood. This took a toll on my marriage as I feel I had so many issues on top of the bad feelings toward my husband leftover from his drinking days and my feelings of abandonment.

My problem now is that my husband told me in early November that he was not happy anymore and was leaving me after the holidays. I managed to keep my act together and get through them as normally as possible. My boys are 24 and 13. I am proud of my inner strength. My husband travels a lot and is rarely home anymore. He is still living here with me. He says that he is confused and leaving for him is sad. He does care for me. I have been taking great care of myself and trying to be strong for my kids and for me. I have apologized to my husband and expressed my desire to save the marriage.

He says he needs space to think about things. He recently told me he put a deposit on a townhouse but it won't be finished until August!! It is now the beginning of March! Am I wrong in feeling that he should just get out now? I have difficulty being assertive--and I don't want to be a doormat but I feel this is totally unfair! I feel we should either work toward rebuilding the marriage or move on. Your thoughts?

My husband and I are going through as of now which may lead to separation. I can't understand why he would keep it a secret that he had been keeping in contact in his life ever since we have been dating and married with a woman whom he had a friendship and sexual relationship but she would not committ to him. He also knew how I felt about him staying in contact with her. It was until recently that I saw a text where they had been keeping in touch which led me to look at previous bills where I discovered that it has been constant.

i want help doctor
i wanrt to have my ex back who has anew girlfriend gor pat one month
i just want him back doctor

plz help me

MANIPULATIVE

I had no idea devoice was a topic of remote consideration with us. In short I felt all was just fine. And then she went camping with very adult visiting daughter when 4 days later I learned she had left me! I was not aware their was problems. I was completely floored as to why it happened and what was I to do now. Really struggling with it all My primary feeling was I must find a way to patch this up it can not be that broken. My shrink had no answers. Next I tried a new psychologist for maybe a better understanding of myself. I took my then estranged wife to see them both. She wrote two statements for me after I asked her to do so on what the problems were. I quickly realized they were examination of lies and falsehoods. I tried and tried even harder to find out just what was it she felt I was doing wrong and could come up with nothing.

What to do about getting our marriage back on track was just beyond me. She felt she needed more time to see if we could fall in love again. I did not have to do it again at all for I was still there.

Finally she summed up my actions as being manipulative and controlling. Wow, this was first. Something I knew nothing about much less practiced. Off I went to study this concept. On line I found a lot information on the topic. Then I read and studied George Simon in his book "In Sheep's Clothing". When she returned back here I was well versed on this total new topic and had reclaimed my self-respect. Nothing has proved more valuable to me to have an understanding of how to deal with a manipulative person which she has turned out to be which I never remotely considered.

She is still staying in my cottage out back my home and will remain there for about three months until her new place to call home becomes vacant. This is not easy as I see to much of her and remain very civil in spite of what she pulled on me.

We have decided on a separation of real estate and the like. that is being finalized now. best of all a no fault devoice will be filed by the end of November and this will all end no later then the end of Jan, 2013.

Now being age 66 this has been a hard shake on my reality however I am learning how to move on with my life in spite of my type one bipolar and now 18 years sober alcoholic.

Thank you for being here.

I know when I went through my divorce the biggest problem I had, after the feeling of failure, was meeting someone to date. I had been married for 15 years so all of my friends were either OUR friends or Married. I didn't know anyone single anymore. I was not a big Bar or Night Club person. I had been a homebody for 15 years. So I talked to a few people at work, and in conversation, they mentioned a dating website and told me I should check it out. Well after going back and forth in my mind about it (on-line dating ?????), I decided to give it a try. I am so glad I did. I met some really nice people and had a really great time. I even had several chances to win a car because they had all kinds of games and contest where you could win money, cars, or other prizes along with meeting some really nice people. If you have become single try it and see what you think. I think it is great. Sorry but since I am new, they won't let me tell you what the website is so sorry.

no, here just talking, of course, only the collective commitment that children do not become victims of parental divorce result ... maybe there are also laws that govern and apply in your country?

the reason why the divorce?
that hurt each other in the physical and mental .. still can be corrected by someone who understands the problem, ie the part of the family .. or going counseling.
but when it is in our culture, there is a violation of custom or religion that can not be avoided, our language is that those who behave badly and inappropriate behavior in the sample ...
hopefully useful

i just introduced my self in the introduction forum. what has led me here is primarily soon to be ended marriage of over 20 years, two kids, one boy 18, girl 13.
I am very depressed, stressed and anxious, and is contributing to my already existing medical issues i face.
i am just here to seek support and listening ear, and hopefully as i heal, to be able to offer support to others as well.
While intending to lose weight, i have dropped 80 lbs since last July, and yes I do tends towards having an eating disorder, I hold my self to high standards and want to be on the slender side of what is norm for my height, so therefore i need to drop another 40 lbs.
Unfortunalty my son seems to carry the same traits as myself as far as wanting to be thin.
Presently feeling very nauseated and must return later to finsh post

**livingmylife. I had the same thing happen at the beginning of my marriage. He wanted to keep being "pals" with an old girlfriend. I didn't care. But when he couldn't bring himself to tell her he was getting married, I thought it was weird. Her feelings mattered a Lot more than mine, his fiance. After a couple more strange encounters, I had enough & then he decided I Had The Problem! and snuck around to call & see her. (he Had to! He didn't want to upset me!!!) Really? Dumb**s!

**jdpeachy ~ UGH! sometimes I get so mad & your situation definitely makes me feel that way. I can hear him now, rationalizing why he should stay it the same house with you).
My husband took off without any warning at all...and returns from time to time to see our son. HE STAYS IN THE GUEST ROOM. If you have enough room, do that. At least you'll have some privacy. He should not expect to use you this way. It's just plain mean!

my divorce was final this year it is hard but my ex husband did not understand my chronic pain and he did not understand my depression he was starting to be abusive to me he never hit me but he came close to many times.

i lift to go live with my family to get the treatment i needed for iuess i was having with my health and i was not getting it when i was with my ex husband he would get mad and upset everytime i would have to go to the doctor.

when i lift he said he was going to get help with his anger but i know he did not and he would not let me come back when i wanted to he wanted a divorce he payed for it to.

he just did not understand my chronic pain and my depression and other problems i was having. but i am glad now i did not go back because i know he was also cheating on me to he already has a gf and is marrying her

but i am better off without him if he was going to do that and was going to be abuseitve to me to. and the divorce was finial in jan or feb this year but i am hanging in there. trying to get through it

11 years married I am 62 and unhappy with my husband. I feel I have made too many concessions in this marriage. Where we live, my job, sex, activities, friends my husband is very messy his office/ garage look like disaster zones and are unsafe to enter without tripping over something. I am the opposite ok I respect his space and stay out but resent that he asks me when he can't find something and. Have to enter the mess to try and find things. Th man can't close a door on anything oh and he forgets anything and everything unless it has to do with his kids, friends, plane. He forgot me once for 3 hrs and I had to wait finally I asked a fellow volunteer for a ride home. He didn't think it was a big deal and didn't understand why I felt hurt. I am expected to always understand because I don't forget and he can't help forgetting things. we are hopefully selling our home in a few months. I want to relocate closer to my family. I have lived here because he wanted to be clos to his adult children who have no contact with him now for about 5-6 yrs. they have had stormy relationship since their teen years. I have always stayed out of their arguments. Husband states he wants to move but has specifically stated he wants to live in an airport community preferably on/near water. I don't need either, problems
with those things are too expensive, and isolated, I need to have people around. I would like to be able to walk in a neighborhood or small city. Not sure if we can find something to please us both, we are both stubborn and I personally feel that for 11 years I have lived his way and it would be nice if he could give a little this time.

I feel people think I should be further along in the healing process than I am. I think even on here. What can I do? I can't force healing. Is it the way I think that keeps me stuck? It would have to be. What you think is what you feel, right? I'd probably do better if I thought of someone other than myself for once. I'll keep working at it.

You need to think and take care of yourself right now. It's really tough to be rejected by someone. How long have you been going through this. Someone told me its like crossing a bridge, it takes time to get to the other side. I wish I could move on and make a life for myself, but I haven't yet either. Take care, and don't be so hard on yourself.

I got a divorce after 31 years of abuse; it has been 10 years and I am still ticked off. There are NO timelines for healing (if and when.....we heal).

Feelings aren't right or wrong, they simply......are.

I have been living with a terrible nightmare,,,,i see my wife like sleeping with someone else in bed ,,,suddenly she comes to me ,,,i beg her,, please do not go back to him any more,,,just remain with me....it seems like she is forced/obliged to go back/to be wih him,,he likely has some power/influence on her like if he is her second husband,,,,,,
plese help i am completely deterorized,,,falling apart,,,any explaination to this,,,we are goig through seperation...

First time posting here. Spouse decided to choose her secret second life to me, her husband, and two amazing sons. Two months ago tonight she attacked me, was arrested, then she swallowed 30 oxycodone, was hospitalized 12 days. God knows what they found in her. Having done my own research, I believe it was transitioning to heroin. So many symptoms of that particular addiction were part of her life. Scary.
I was granted full custody and restraining order. Divorce in process. I have never experienced the 5 stages of grief before and am amazed at how powerful they can be at times. Not just powerful in overwhelming way. Powerfully beautiful as well. I have a greater appreciation for how beautiful life can be now that she and her bag of awful is gone. The boys are thriving. I am healing. Love will find me again. An amazing experience. Thank you angels.

I am brand new member effective today and I have just started the process of getting a divorce! It is so overwhelming! Any and all info that I can obtain will help me!!! I just came upon this site and extremely excited for the help and guidance of others here. Thank you all in advance!

I am on my second marriage with a man who has Borderline Personality Disorder. I have given every possible effort in this marriage but unfortunately it is not enough for him. We use to have a wonderful relationship and were best friends. So many things have happened the past couple years that is hard to come up with just one reason why we are not doing well. To make long story short, he left our home at the end of October with the understanding that we would work at our relationship and he would come back. I only gave him two months because I can't go through this much longer. At two months, I thought things were going fairly well ad that he was moving back in. He then droves a bombshell that he is super depressed (again. always at this time of year and also part of his bipolar disorder) and doesn't care about anything anymore and just wants to die. He has not desire to move back in and is happier being alone. So what exactly am I suppose to do with that? He said he needs to go for pills but I have heard that so many times before and it only happened two times and then he stopped. I want to be there for him like I have always before but I am so hurt and feel betrayed by him. Trust is one of our biggest issues and how do you trust someone that never follows through with what he says? I told him I would give him one more month with the understanding he was going for help. I am so scared he won't. My only option at that point is to end the marriage. I can't be the only one working on our relationship. I can't put myself through anymore heartache. I have been seeing a shrink since spring and also taking anti depressants and sleeping pills. I have anxiety/depression that was most likely caused by our relationship issues. I am at a stand still with everything in my life because of this. I decided to come on here to see if there is anyone who can relate to what I am going through. I am not sure what answers I am looking for on here but I think talking to other people will help me.

Hello everyone, I am going through a situation that is leaving me with a broken heart. It is a very long story and it has taken 20 years to "write", but I will make this long story short. It is a 2 part story, actually so hang on. When I married my husband after dating him for 2 years, I noticed something very, very, odd and different about him. He had an awkward gait. He was always hyper even when "relaxed". He hated crowds and never walked slowly. He would become irritable in cycles... I even speculated that my menstrual cycles had some kind of affect on him. Eventually I began to put 2 and 2 together. He has a niece who is autistic, so I speculated that he might be autistic. I figured this could run in families. Soooo, I researched information about autism and concluded that he was on the autism spectrum with Asperger's Syndrome. I discussed this with an aunt who was also a psychologist and she was in agreement. I speculated this but he was never officially diagnosed.

About 5 1/2 years ago , he had surgery on his colon to remove a portion that had been diseased through diverticulitis. He also had a fistula removed that had gone from his intestine to his bladder. This fistula caused some of his poop to exit through his bladder. He was a mess and he dealt with severe gut pain on and off throughout the marriage and I sure previous to that. He pretty much ignored it, probably hoping it would one day go away. His step-son and I gave blood for the surgery. I stayed with him throughout his recovery and took time off work to help him heal at home. Well, needless to say the surgery was a big help and he feels so much better for it.

Soon after the surgery however, his behavior worsened . He became bizarre. He seemed to forget things and he made up stories that never happened. I will explain a couple of those stories soon. It seemed like anything and everything made him angry and we spent more time fighting then we did anything else. Eventually he just exploded and wanted a divorce. I told him that he could have his freedom because I did not want him to be with me if he didn't want to be with me. At the same time, I never saw that coming...I thought that he would eventually "calm" down so that we could get on with our lives.

I say that because I always connected the surgery with his extreme behavior but always considered it a form of Aspergers, just more extreme and bizarre. But what did the surgery have to do with this? Before he asked for the divorce I had gone to visit my daughter out of state. He texted me that he thought he was bipolar. I wish that I had had him elaborate on why he felt that way but instead I blew that off and said, no, I don't think you are bipolar , although I didn't really know the symptoms.

Two of the most memorable memory lapses was 1. We had just had intercourse and as we were dozing off , he yelled at me for not having sex with him. So I we had sex again and I asked him " you do realize that we did have sex earlier that night?" and he had no reply. I asked the same question the next day and he still had no reply. 2. He had told me that he saw me stopped by a train on the way home but didn't get a chance to blow his horn at me...I was not stopped by a train at all that day and he insisted that I had.

I just recently learned that my ex, re-married very soon to the time of our divorce to a woman he had met in El Salvodor. He has spent a lot of travelling for work but never to El Salvador. He said that a friend of his from work was paying his way for these tripsl That would have been 2 years ago. He had been pouring thousands of dollars out of his 401K to finance this marriage that he kept hidden from me. In the mean time he had asked me to pay for the divorce because he had no money AND on top of that I have been struggling with the rent just to keep a roof over my head and he left me with a $7,000 payment for his truck. Believe it or not, this is not the man I married. He has never shown himself to be flaky or irresponsible like this. I feel as if I have been thrown from a speeding car. He has also been drinking heavily , I discovered.

Now this is what I discovered about the surgery. Firstly, he had a defective gut practically all of his life, I am sure since birth. That is what gave him his aspergers symptoms in the first place. It is a common condition for kids with aspergers or autism to be born with digestive disorders. Digestive disorders cause leaky gut syndrome and it will affect the brain because some of the intestinal contents can permeate into the bloodstream and make its way to the brain. That is why there is a diet to help this condition called the "GAPS" diet. I believe that it stands for "Gut And Psychological Syndrome'. I believe that the surgery helped his diverticulitis but worsened his leaky gut and that is why I he is experiencing bipolar symptoms.

Now, I am at a crossroads ... where do I go what do I do. I love him and I want him to get help AND I do not want to lose myself in the pursuit. I know we are not supposed to swear, so I won't.

Thanks you for reading this compilation and any helpm words of comfort etc will be much appreciated.