[pp3french]

My husband has been divorced from his ex wife for 6 years, we have been married for 4. In those 4 years, his parents have separated from my husband. They are very close to his ex wife and even vacation with her. They no longer speak to my husband. We tried for about a year to stay in contact, invite them to dinner, told them we wanted a relationship with them, they declined. They cite their anger over my husband "cheating" on his ex wife by chatting online with women. He doesn't deny this, they can't let it go. They show up at his daughter's ballgames etc. and sit with his ex wife and never speak to him/us. Now, his 17 year old daughter is having trouble in relationships with boys, her past 3 boyfriends are telling her she is too needy and clingy and she continues to try and hang on long after they have told her to go away. My husband and I really feel she needs help and that she has witnessed her mother "hanging on" to her ex husbands parents and she is internalizing this( we have not told her this). She refuses to go to therapy. So here we sit. Humiliated and ex communicated from his ex and his parents with no help in sight for the child. Thoughts?

[Erebos]

I think your step daughters clinginess has far more to do with her father leaving,than her mother not moving on.
It's very typical behaviour in girls with absent fathers.

I think your own problems with the parents and her relationship are causing you to miss the obvious.

It's not ideal, but I think it's really good your husbands daughters have their grandparents around, as this isn't always the case after a separation, and even better that the relationship is amicable. This is a much better situation than most.

I am sorry this is upsetting for your husband and yourself, these kind of battle lines are hard to erase. You need to shift your focus.
This is between your husband and his parents. NO One else, and nothing good will come of trying to point fingers at the ex.
Your step daughter is afraid of losing the men in her life, because the most important one left her. NO other reason.
In fact I would have thought her mother's behaviour would have taught her, no matter how long she holds on. It changes nothing.

These issues need to be addressed separately. Your husband needs to speak to his parents, alone preferably, since you weren't involved.
And his daughter needs help for her abandonment issues.
Only she or her legal guardian can sort that out.

[Rose76]

Lots of 17 year old girls have boyfriend issues. You have no business psycho-analysing your husband's daughter and projecting on to her what you think is her problem. She does not have to have therapy just to satisfy you.

It's sad that your husband lost his relationship with his parents. There is not much you can do about that. It sounds like you greatly resent his ex-wife and want to find her a bad influence. Where does this daughter live . . . with you, or with her mother?