[Sad mama]

My husband and I have been together for 10 years and married for just over 5. This last year really tested us. I was pregnant and he was having an affair. I tried counseling with him and all he could tell me was that he wanted this new woman and me to live in harmony and he wanted us both for different reasons. We have a 4.5 year old son that I stay home with due to him having therapy and half day school. I found out about things from my husband in October 2016 and told him that he needed to let her go and spend more time with his son and learn how to love him the right way not walk out on him when he needed him most. He agreed to step up and that lasted about a week before he was stepping out and running out with this new woman to sex clubs a few times a week. Once I confronted him again about putting his son first not this new woman he tried to leave her but "couldn't" his words. Holidays were upon us so I focused on that and made the most out of them with my son and the time my husband gave us. After the holidays he brought this new woman to my house so I could understand why he wanted us both. I told them they needed to end things right then because this was not how a family worked. She left yelling and crying they broke up for a few hours and he was so distraught that he took the next day off work to figure things out.

Fast forward a few weeks I got my husband to agree to counseling where we were not making progress. He kept saying you just need to accept her and everything would be better. In one session he stated that he loved her and not me nor my son anymore. I was about 28 weeks pregnant at this point and having a lot of troubles from the stress I was under at the time. I talked to a divorce lawyer and had to call the cops because he was trying to take our son and not let me either go with him or tell me where they were going. The cops told me to file an order of protection and have my husband removed for 3 weeks to let him cool off and think about life and how it was affecting his family. I did that and was also told to file for divorce because it would be that only way to stay fully protected if things went too far south.

I have since pulled the divorce and had the order or protection removed as my husband seems to be more stable and has dropped the other woman. He has taken anythings from the house and has not given me any money since January. I pay all the bills still. Our son is in therapy 3 times a week and has other activities beyond his school day that ends at noon. So I need to be home with him right now.

I have asked my husband to come home and work on our issues so that our son can have a whole family and get the love he needs from us both daily. But my husband would rather stay at his parents as they have told him the reason they have not talked to him in 10 years was because of me and that they want him to never talk to me again. They were rocky before we started dating and we even invited them over and they would always say no that they had other things to do or that we could drive to them every time. We did quite often but not enough for them to like me or talk to me much when I was around.

My husband gets depressed and stays that way when he doesn't get what he wants at work and home... He has not been able to receive a raise or promotion until this January and that was only due to being the oldest team member not due to talent. He makes just enough for us to make ends meet... so I work from home doing different jobs to help with money. I make close to what he makes staying home with our son. I know my husband is upset that he works in a k=job he does not like and that he wants a different job but that should not be the reason for not coming home.

I also know that he still does not see that value of us as a family because he is living where his needs are met and he does not see that his son does need him a bit more than most kids might need that second adult.

What would you like to hear from your wife if you were living at your parents that would show you that coming home was that right choice and that relying on your parents was not healthy for anyone.

[Rose76]

No matter how many times you get pregnant, or how many counselors you drag your husband to, he is not going to change. You need to stop exposing your son to a man who doesn't care about him or his mother. There are no sweet, or persuasive words that you can utter that will turn him into who he is not.

You made a mistake marrying this man. Whoever advised you to seek a divorce gave you good advice. The longer you stay with this man, the worse your life - and your son's life - is going to become.

Your husband doesn't "need to spend more time with his son" because that's not what will make his life feel satisfying to him. Stop feeling sorry for how he is dissatisfied with his job. He doesn't care what you are dissatisfied with. No one will ever give him a great job because he's a louse. That's all he's ever going to be.

[Molinit]

Rose is right. Re-file the divorce and get a child support order in place approved by the court and have the child support come out of his pay.

The "marriage" is a lost cause.