[Zedsdead]

I'm searching for answers on how to get help for myself and my children .. I'm trying to get an appointment with legal aide for some help, but it takes time. I work full time with 3 kids so it's tough to make time to travel with the kids in secret.
I have been involved with a man for 5 years. We have 3 children and about 3 years ago things turned badly. He became financially and emotionally abusive.
I sought out help from the women's shelter here and soon after I left him.
The shelter couldn't do very much, and very little help was given.

Facing being homeless, I agreed out of desperation with my ex that he would help me sign a lease to rent a home as I didn't earn enough income on paper to be able to be accepted anywhere. He promised that he would get medical help, counselling for the anger and work hard to help financially.

Now we are legally bound to our home together for a year. He went back on his promises, didn't get the help and still isn't working. I cannot afford to take care of him, but he doesn't seem to care. I'm falling behind on bills, had to get help from the food bank and so on.
If I complain, it starts a HUGE uproar from him, which I don't want around the kids. I had to pull the children out of daycare and keep them with him to try save money since he was at home... now he refuses to get up in the morning with them. Sometimes in anger will say that he will just keep the kids in there bedrooms all day while I'm at work. I'm worried sick all day while working so am putting them back in daycare.
Again, I have to stay quiet otherwise it causes arguments in front of the children. I feel like a prisoner in my home.

I can't afford to move out, he refuses to leave even though iv asked him multiple times.

Is there anything I can do? I'm lost

Zedsdead-
I am sorry you are in such a desperate situation. You are probably already doing this but make sure your earnings go to an account with your name on it only. If he has credit cards--don't pay on them or only pay the minimum amount--if he wants to spend money on things then he needs to get a job. If he insists that you pay for him--tell him you are broke long before the money runs out each month.

Is it possible that your current job could lead to another job? Perhaps there are positions you could apply for in other towns? In the United States, not all towns are the same--some cities and companies have programs to help support family life while others do not. In most places in the US, once all your children are preschool age (4 years old), school is free giving moms more time to take care of things.

It does sound like daycare is necessary for your children. Their father is worthless. All you can do is keep your finances separate and keep looking for a job that can support you and your children. Are you in a dead end job or are you gaining experience that could lead to better things later? I hope things get better for you and your children some day.

[Zedsdead]

Originally Posted by Hopingtrying

Zedsdead-
I am sorry you are in such a desperate situation. You are probably already doing this but make sure your earnings go to an account with your name on it only. If he has credit cards--don't pay on them or only pay the minimum amount--if he wants to spend money on things then he needs to get a job. If he insists that you pay for him--tell him you are broke long before the money runs out each month.

Is it possible that your current job could lead to another job? Perhaps there are positions you could apply for in other towns? In the United States, not all towns are the same--some cities and companies have programs to help support family life while others do not. In most places in the US, once all your children are preschool age (4 years old), school is free giving moms more time to take care of things.

It does sound like daycare is necessary for your children. Their father is worthless. All you can do is keep your finances separate and keep looking for a job that can support you and your children. Are you in a dead end job or are you gaining experience that could lead to better things later? I hope things get better for you and your children some day.

Thanks for the reply Hopingtrying, right now I'm in a complete dead end job. It was the only thing I could find after being a stay at home mother for so long, plus not much education. My plan was to upgrade my education to be able to get into the college I wanted, hopefully starting next year so I can at least earn a liveable wage.
There is lots of help available for single mothers everywhere in this province, but of course because he is on my lease, that help is cut in half.
I have my own bank account, all my earnings go into my own account and is just enough to cover all necessities. I don't hand him over anything, I couldn't even afford to. But I do buy food, gas for the car and so on. Which he eats and drives more than necessary while I'm at work. He doesn't even have a bank account!!

I made an appointment to see the counsellor at the women's shelter today, even if it's just to ask for advice to see if there is anything I can do if things get worse. I feel like I'm overreacting, but it's gotten to a point where I can't stand his behaviour anymore if he would just contribute to getting up in the morning with the children without an uproar, I wouldn't mind bringing in the money for a while alone.. but he can't even do that. He makes me feel guilty every single morning for waking him.. even though I don't until the very last minute I have to leave and get all 3 children up, ready and fed before I go. Yesterday I got home after a short day and my youngest was extremely sore from diaper rash and he had a dirty diaper. It was obvious he hadn't changed him..

I guess I'm wondering if I'm the one who has to leave and find a new home, or if there is some way I can legally make him leave. Because I just don't see me being able to afford to save up to leave when I'm living barely pay check to paycheck

[henchman21]

I know supports differ from province to province, and I've had my own difficulties seeking assistance from Legal Aid..
There were provisions put into law in Ontario and Alberta for victims fleeing abuse to be able to break a lease. I don't know which provincial jurisdiction you live in, but maybe there's an option there for you.

[Erebos]

I am afraid I am in the UK so can't offer any practice advice whatsoever.
I just wanted to wish you All the best, May you find the strength and conditions in which to leave sooner rather than later.
It sounds like you need to get your kids and yourself away from this man.
He will not change, he,will not leave and even if they make him. He knows where you are and might well try to weasel his way back in.
Keep doing the best you can to get out. Take care.

[MickeyCheeky]

Wish you the best of luck - to you and your children. You deserve much, much better than this You can do it. You sound very strong.

[Mdslittlbee]

Originally Posted by Zedsdead

I'm searching for answers on how to get help for myself and my children .. I'm trying to get an appointment with legal aide for some help, but it takes time. I work full time with 3 kids so it's tough to make time to travel with the kids in secret.
I have been involved with a man for 5 years. We have 3 children and about 3 years ago things turned badly. He became financially and emotionally abusive.
I sought out help from the women's shelter here and soon after I left him.
The shelter couldn't do very much, and very little help was given.

Facing being homeless, I agreed out of desperation with my ex that he would help me sign a lease to rent a home as I didn't earn enough income on paper to be able to be accepted anywhere. He promised that he would get medical help, counselling for the anger and work hard to help financially.

Now we are legally bound to our home together for a year. He went back on his promises, didn't get the help and still isn't working. I cannot afford to take care of him, but he doesn't seem to care. I'm falling behind on bills, had to get help from the food bank and so on.
If I complain, it starts a HUGE uproar from him, which I don't want around the kids. I had to pull the children out of daycare and keep them with him to try save money since he was at home... now he refuses to get up in the morning with them. Sometimes in anger will say that he will just keep the kids in there bedrooms all day while I'm at work. I'm worried sick all day while working so am putting them back in daycare.
Again, I have to stay quiet otherwise it causes arguments in front of the children. I feel like a prisoner in my home.

I can't afford to move out, he refuses to leave even though iv asked him multiple times.

Is there anything I can do? I'm lost

GO down to the county courthouse and ask INFORMATION for the office of domestic violence . They will give you a some info on types of physical and emotional abuse. You have to document times, dates, but the court will likely give you an injunction, and kick him out as he is a danger to you and the children. There are plenty of jobs, you can find to work online, at home, if you need to be home with the kids. Just PM me, if you need that.
Take Care..

[Zedsdead]

Thanks for all the advice. I'm in Alberta and there is the help here that I can leave and break my lease in case of domestic abuse. I just don't have anywhere to go which is the issue

Of course Iv searched for licensed daycares here in town so I can continue to work and use the government subsidies to help with care since the amount of daycare is more a month than what I earn... there are no spaces for my boys I'm starting to panic that I'l have to quit my job now.. I'm going to keep searching for something tomorrow.

I had to call the police on Friday night as my partner was intoxicated and threatening me. He then left drunk in our car... the police came and didn't have anything to arrest him for so left as he hadn't hurt me physically.

I feel so very lost. I hope this week I can find care for our children or I'm about to lose my job. Wish me luck