How long?

Hi guys! Just to keep in touch with you...
I’m so tired because of my job that I have not any energy to think about how and why everything happened to me.... my ex husband is going to marry my ex friend, they are in a hurry, it seems they are frightened of losing their train...I don’t know, they are no long my matters.
I’m looking at my life like a movie on the television, I have no emotions, no happiness, no willingness, maybe also no pain. Nothing at all.
Delusion after delusion, I’m also no longer frightened (or unhappy) to be alone. I’m meaning, I’m very frightened to be alone for the rest of my life, when also my parents or relatives won’t be anymore....I will have anyone but one or two friends....and a lot of things to take care about... I’ll do my best and pay for a good insurance, because no one will take care of me... and I‘m really frightened.... but not to be inside a couple, now I don’t care. I don’t want anyone bothering me with jealousy or other strange things. I want to be myself. I don’t want to pretend to be something different in order to be appreciated and loved. I’ve lost my tolerance.
When I go to my job, in the early morning, I cry. But I can’t do anything to change things. I have to accept. Everything. And I’ll do.

I have met some guys interested in me, I thought. But everyone wants something, they are not able to give time and friendship, to meet me and decide what to be, they for me and me for them. This is a huge stress I really don’t need, now. So I’m bothered of such people, please come the next, I’ve no time or energy to lose. That’s me. Alone and tired. No matter to be a... bachelor?? Sorry!!

A person who cries every morning is not a person who has no emotions. Slow down and hear yourself. You are contradicting yourself. That's okay. You don't have to be perfectly consistent. But listen to how you are kind of double-talking. Then slow down.

You've lost a husband and a friend. It's a huge loss, but you've had some time to get used to it. You see that life does go on, though it may feel kind of empty. It will take time to fill that emptiness. Maybe a lot of time.

Don't be in a hurry to be back in a relationship. It sounds like you are not rushing into the arms of a new man, and that is good.

What you had was an illusion of being in a committed relationship. He was not committed. Now you know. You didn't lose a wonderful marriage. He was not a wonderful husband. You got fooled. It happens to the best of us.

I'm glad you have family that care about you. But you are right. They won't be around forever. You will need friendship in your life. I believe you can find it. There's a good chance you might even find love again. Don't focus mainly on men. Take an interest in the women you meet and be open to friendship. Some women don't have the capacity to be great friends. Accept people's limitations. You can have "minor" friendship with some. A friend doesn't have to be a very close friend to be worth having something to do with. Be open to different levels of friendship with different women. I'm not saying you can't be friends with a man, but that gets tricky. Do things with neighbors, with cousins, with whomever. But take an interest in people around you. Don't be impatient. Sometimes life moves ahead slowly. That's okay. Slow down your thinking.

You sound like a nice, young woman. There are nice people in the world around you who would enjoy getting to know you and who would value you. You just have to meet them. The more you circulate, the better the odds of you bumping into the "good ones." That's what statistics tells us. If you meet enough people, some will be good ones AND some will be bad ones. You're going to meet both kinds.

How do you tell "the good ones" from the "bad ones?" T i m e, and more t i m e. The only way to know someone is to spend time around them. Don't be in a hurry. Some people can seem so charming, you just want to trust them right away. Don't! Be slow to fully accept, and slow to fully reject. Spending time with someone means in their physical presence. Texting and emailing don't count. Don't rely on the Internet. Those ways of meeting people in cyberspace create illusions. You don't want to go back into another illusion.

I couldn't agree more with expanding the friendship base and having more women friends in life. Men are great, don't get me wrong, but having a circle of women to fall back on and lean on is a gem, no doubt in my mind. And it's true about accepting the limitations of certain friendships, but savoring the pieces of those.
It also helps in the sense that when the right man does come along, you will have a much stronger base of not relying or subconsciously expecting said man to be your everything and anything. Plus in its own way makes one more desirable just because it does add a dimension of mystery without being mysterious, per se.

Mend your heart and be gentle with yourself.

Hi.
Today I’ve seen the new wife-to-be of my ex husband. I have looked at her, in the same shop. No words between us. We used to spend time together as friends.

Now I would like to tell you something.
Please imagine how I felt while I was in our ex home alone, my husband absent, I could not know where he was, his mother pretended to not know where he was. And I was alone, with not an only word from him, he didn’t answer to my calls on the mobile. I was alone, without anything knowing, not what he was doing nor thinking to do. Alone in an empty house. She was hidding him in her house, with no respect for our friendship, but just succeeding in gripping him for herself, because he was rich and powerful. Now she has him, she’s proud of her.
And I had an husband that in 24 hours disappeared from my life. Changed my life, left me without an home and a family. I was desperate. I looked at the balcony, asking me if it was high enough to kill me suddenly. And they were laughing because I cannot found them, hidden in a house with high walls.
That was me.

The kind of behavior that these two people, your ex and former friend, have engaged in is not what I believe makes a good foundation for a great, wonderful life. If you are imagining them as having tons of new happiness and a marvelous future ahead, while you are left to drink only from a bitter cup, then I think you are not understanding how life tends to go. They will have their own miseries waiting for them down the road. They may hide that very well, but there will be a lot going on that you won't know about . . . and it won't all be good.

These are two people inclined to be treacherous. I don't think their life is going to be a constant walk in a rose garden. You may be better off having the both of them out of your life. Now you're free to find good, loyal people to invest your time and interest in. That can take a lot of time and a lot of looking, but there are good people out there - people who don't find it easy to betray a friend.

Stop imagine these two as happy and laughing and knowing only joy and satisfaction. You won't know what they're doing. Pain comes into every life.

I'm sorry I don't have an answer either. I just know it does get easier.

Hi Friends! I'm still moving on, but It is not easy...
They are not yet two yers that my husband left me...now he has married again and his "lady" is pregnant of 6 months......
I can't believe that is love. He has fallen in love, surely. She's carrying on her project to have a baby (she's old, she had not a lot of time to wait again).
It's not my matter, but in a sort of competition between us, they're alteady at the goal, while I have to left the start point yet.
And so much things are not right yet in my life!!
I feel like they have stolen my life. For sure the last two years.
How they can sleep?

It's you who has to make your life. "They" could not have stolen anything that was surely and truly yours. What they demolished was the illusion you were living in. You found out you didn't have what you thought was yours. It didn't get stolen from you. You never really had it.

Her having a baby doesn't mean she's winning some race. Stop these comparisons.

If I have to be sincere, I have to tell that I'm thinking very often how to stop this pain, and the solution is not properly pain-free.

If I will be lucky, maybe an asteroid will hurt my car, with me inside, when I' m going at work.

I cannot struggle anymore.

I'm sorry you are feeling so bad.

I think your grieving. For what could have been,should have been.When you married you wanted to make a life with him together. I understand what your saying...I am the same way right now. Its been 3 years for me . Now I am trying to rebuild a life from what was my life for 36 years. My grown children are all happy from what i know. See them on stat days. Hope you can get the funk out,i am trying and i hope to be soon too.

It may seem that I'm glad to continue to suffer from my situation.
I have an horrible family, they think (and they say) that my husband has thrown me away from my house and his family for my faults, and that everyone will do the same thing. So I feel like I have no hope for the future, my life is a non sense. For what I'm going on? I don't think a therapist will give me the solution. What I think is that I have no solution. Everything I had Is lost, my life is now unworthy. Someone goes on, I go back.

So "everything you had" depended on him? Did you not have anything that you got for yourself?

So he broke his promise "to take care of [you.]" If your plan in life was to have someone else "take care" of you, then that was not a good plan. And it was not necessary. You can take care of you. You might need some assistance. We all need some help from others. And others need help from you and from me.

If you can't think of how to help yourself, then go help someone else. The world is full of "need." You have power. Use it. Help someone. Help a dog. Go feed some birds. Use your power to change something somewhere. You have power.

You made a plan. It failed. So make another plan. If it fails, make plan #3. If you get tired, take a rest. Then make plan #4. That's what people do to get what they want. That's the whole secret of life.

This family is not being supportive! How could they possibly know your past in this close relationship with your ex-husband, much less the future of the world?

I wonder if you're giving too much time to these people who aren't really in your corner, and too much time too to imagining your ex and his new partner. I bet they're not thinking and worrying about and discussing you, as much as you are them.

Please take care of yourself! (And, yes, I've been divorced too.)

1 year and you never will look back

Let's hope that for September 2021 I'll feel good!

I hope You all are good. I'm fine, and hope the pandemic will end, at the end.

Every day I cry. Now it is not for my ex husband. I cry thinking of me. I'd like to have someone telling me that I'm doing good. My parents cannot. My friends refuse to look at me for what I really am: because I WAS strong and was the one helping others, nobody now helps me.
I don't need anything, but I see the big differences between the life I worked to build up, and the results. I know I have to accept everything: my absent parents, my judjing parents, my hard work, my loneliness, my life without a family, without chidren, without the house I had, without dreams.
I work every day. Every day in my car go8ng to work, I cannot stop thinking what I was and what it is.
Amen, I have not anything else to say. This was the plan for me.

One thing I learned for sure is that an healthy self esteem and self worth is one way to address the grief and pain. So, it's important to find out all the ways and means to achieve them