Petrified to start divorce

Not sure how to maneuver her. I’m married 25 yrs. petrified to start divorce.
Advice please?.

Hello Mybest: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to Psych Central.

I don't know as there is much I can offer you with regard to your particular concern, especially with the limited information you provided. Plus I'm not sure that "maneuvering" someone into it is the best way to go about seeking a divorce. However here are links to 5 articles, from Psych Central's archives, on the subject of divorce that may be of some interest:

Are You Ready For Divorce? 8 Questions You Should Answer

Want a Divorce? Stop the Emotional Yo-Yo and Be Clear About It

Is It Your Marriage or Your Depression?

When One Spouse Wants Out of the Marriage But the Other Doesn't

9 Tips to Navigate Common Stages of Divorce

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

Is this a mutual thing?

I don’t know you or your situation but the obvious question seems to be WHY are you terrified?

I started divorce proceedings a year and a half ago by moving out. It was terrifying mostly because she had been threatening the most godawful scenarios for over two years if I did divorce her or move out. She did try to do some of those things, but I had a good lawyer (the lawyer cost a lot, but a friend did the same with low-cost legal seevices—it just took her longer). I also realized that a lot of people in the legal system have seen crazy and recognize it: when the court officer told her to “sit down and be quiet” I realized what “legal protection” is all about.

There’s the being single and raising a teenager as a single dad and worrying about lots of things but I’m so much more clear headed and able to think these things through when I’m not living with a barrage of abuse.

Anyway, I don’t know how much of that may sound familiar to you but looking at this site (and deleting history and cookies afterward just in case) was a lifesaver for me.

It's only been 3 months since we my husband and I separated after 20 years. I can't even say divorce even though our marriage is 1,000% over.

I know starting a divorce is very scary. You are confused, feeling ashamed and guilt. You are worried about literally everything. You know this needs to happen, but what about others. What will people think? What about kids? What about our families? What about...? I went through the same thing. I have only been separated a couple of months now and am still questioning my decision. But every time I think about gong back into that marriage, I get this inner panic. It reminds me that I made the right decision. Right after my ex and I separated, he came to me and kept throwing all these suggestions at me about how we could save the marriage. I started to cry. I realized I was not crying at the thought of losing him. Instead I was crying at the thought of staying stranded in that marriage any longer. I knew I made the right choice right then. You can do this! It is tough and stressful. But you are much stronger than you think!

I started the divorce one year ago but I cancelled the proceedings because she said that she was going to go to therapy. We have two kids, 12 and 15 years old. For a while she showed improvement but not so long ago she stopped taking the antidepressant because is making her gain weight. Then she came back to be her horrible self. I don't know what to do, my kids are suffering but they love their mother.