[MechaNech]

O.k. so here's the deal. I've been divorced from my ex since January. It was a whirlwind divorce. Filed on the 18th and approved the same day. I'm still having issues with it. You know the what if and if I only kind of thing. The divorce was brought on by her getting caught cheating with her co-worker. I still have questions to ask and pain to heal, but I'm at a loss here. What questions should I avoid? What or how do I deal with all this jumbled up thoughts in my head still. I try to hide all the hurt I feel from all this. I know it's not healthy and its effected all different aspects of my life. I really could use a little bit of guidance here.

[Skeezyks]

Hello MechaNech: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to Psych Central. One additional forum, here on PC, that may be of interest to you would be the coping with emotions forum. Here's a link:

https://psychcentralforums.com/coping-with-emotions/

And then here are links to 7 articles, from Psych Central's archives, that offer tips for handling the aftermath of divorce:

Extremities: The Pain and Promise of Divorce

The Differences in Divorce for Men and Women

Healing from Divorce

How To Deal With Depression After Divorce: 5 Actionable Tips

https://psychcentral.com/blog/7-ways...dium=popular17

https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to...after-divorce/

https://pro.psychcentral.com/exhaust...after-divorce/

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

[MechaNech]

Thank you for the reply. Looks like I've got some reading to do. We have scheduled a conversation for Sunday afternoon and I'm trying not to upset the delicate balance we have together. So far we have managed to keep it hidden from our children, but its getting harder and harder. I'm dreading that conversation with them. I think it will break my heart more than the divorce.

[Skeezyks]

Originally Posted by MechaNech

Thank you for the reply. Looks like I've got some reading to do. We have scheduled a conversation for Sunday afternoon and I'm trying not to upset the delicate balance we have together. So far we have managed to keep it hidden from our children, but its getting harder and harder. I'm dreading that conversation with them. I think it will break my heart more than the divorce.

Yes... I suspect this will be a heartbreaker. Here are links to 6 articles on this subject as well:

Kids and Divorce: Ten Tough Issues

Talking to Your Children About Divorce

Talking to Your Children About Divorce | Relationship Corner

How Parents Can Best Help Their Kids During a Bitter Divorce

7 Things Children of Divorced Parents Need to Hear | The Exhausted Woman

https://psychcentralreviews.com/2016...dium=popular17

[sarahsweets]

I am going to speak plain here... unless it involves your children or a specific legal issue I am not sure you will get what you are looking for. I think a therapist might help you. The important part is to consider what your expectations are. Do you want an explaination? Do you want an apology. Do you want her to tell you what she thinks you did to "push" her into this affair? Do you need her to take ownership of it? Many people that cheat find a way to put some of the onus on their spouses for why they cheated. They do this to rationalize it or to make excuses for it or to make themselves feel better about being a sh*tty spouse. I am not sure what you are trying to accomplish and that might be something you need to consider. If you are divorced though and intend to move on, I think your conversations should be kept to the kids or a legal divorce related issue and not what happened or could have happened.
I'd like to say that I say this as someone who has been a friend to someone who has been cheated on, not someone who has actually been cheated on. Its possible that I may feel differently if I was in your shoes. Either way I am sorry this situation is so painful for you and I hope whatever you do brings you peace.

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm so sorry you're hurting so much, MechaNech! I completely agree with what sarahsweets and Skeezyks have already wisely suggested to you! I'm not sure if you'll get the kind of "closure" that you expect by talking to her about AL OF THIS! I completely agree with sarahsweets about seeing a therapist! Do you see one? Maybe that could help! You coule learn new things and new ways to cope with your feelings as you're going through a divorce which is NEVER easy! I wish I've had more advice to give to you! I can only suggest to look up, move forward the best way you can and to not focus too much on what happened, the what ifs and what could have happened and your past mistakes if there were ant! We can't change our past but WE CAN CHANGE OUR FUTURE! I hope that will be helpful to you! Make it your mantra! I sincerely hope that you'll happiness and joy after ALL OF THIS WILL BE OVER! It won't be easy to tell your kids but please remember that you probably did the best thing for them if the marriage just wasn't going strong! You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers! Sending many AWESOME, kind, safe, sweet, warm, wise and WONDERFUL HUGS TO YOU AND YOUR KIDS, MECHANECH, JUST LIKE YOU ALL ARE!

[timothynates]

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