[XveganX]

Hello,

I am new here. For the past few months, my wife has been distant with me. Mostly taking her day out on me and sleeping in the office every so often. This was getting to me, so yesterday I asked if she still loved me.
She told me she didn't, and was planning on telling me after this weekend when she got back from house sitting at her parents. She said it was nothing I did, and we just grew apart. I got the usual "you're a really nice guy" speech.
This will be my second divorce. I just want her to be happy. I'm feeling lost and numb. At this point I don't think I'll ever meet another woman. It's not like there women lining up to meet a 2 timed divorced 42 year old tattooed punk guy.
Does anyone have any words of wisdom?

[Skeezyks]

Welcome to Psych Central, XveganX. The Coping with Emotions forum, here on PC, may also be of interest to you. Here's a link:

https://psychcentralforums.com/coping-with-emotions/

Here are links to 4 articles, from Psych Central's archives, that (hopefully) may be of some help:

Shocked that Your Spouse Left? Here's the Secret to Recovery

How to Grieve After Divorce

https://pro.psychcentral.com/recover...rom-divorce-2/

The Differences in Divorce for Men and Women

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

[sarahsweets]

Will she consider couples counseling?

[tri2thrive]

I can't say I have any words of wisdom persay. But I can say that I am going through the same thing. And I can tell you, that when I look at the situation from 20,000 feet, I see that this is not about me but about him. None of us are perfect in relationships, but if your spouse doesn't communicate along the way and do the work, there is just no way of keeping a relationship on track. I did nothing wrong, and am a great wife - loving, supportive and fun. Not that I never annoyed him or did something that he wish I hadn't. But much of what I did was really about taking care of our family, house, schedule, finances, etc and I communicated with him all the way through. I deserved a conversation at the halfway mark of his thoughts, not at the end. I would also look at both the situations and see if there is a similarity between the two women you chose to commit to. I would never have thought my two husbands were the same, as they are so clearly different. However, I can see that I spend a lot of time taking care of other people in my life and really, I have yet to be truly taken care of. We can't worry about the 2 divorce thing. I understand it is truly embarrassing. I feel it. Believe me - I am highly educated, successful, positive woman with lots of friends and a good outlook on life - how I am about to be 2ce divorced at 49 is beyond me. However, if you can truly stand by who you are, then you have nothing to worry about. But first you need to heal yourself. Self care. Working out, eating well, learning a new skill, meeting new people (harder with Covid I understand). You need to feel again that you are happy with yourself before you can stand behind the 2 divorce conversation. Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you handle it/react to it. Good luck. I am sorry this is happening to you - it sucks.

[Here we go again]

I share your concerns. I'm 46 going on a second divorce, after 15 years together and putting every effort. What another said here is true, what are the similarities between your two exes? Both of them were men in uniform that spent a lot of time away from home with occupations that provided them adrenaline rushed and plenty of opportunity to cheat. Both of them seemed to have me talk health issues and I was the stability they craved. After such traumatizing situations I really want nothing to do with dating, that is just an invitation to more heartache at this point. I still love my husband, but I don't know if I can hear " I don't love you" one more time. I'm hurt, but hopeful for happiness for me and everyone out there who is suffering.