[moodyblue83]

I’m going to put this in the simplest form possible.
My wife either cannot or is unwilling to give me the
physical affection I need. This goes from holding hands to
satisfying me sexually. Now in all fairness , she stopped taking
hormones years ago because of a cancer which she survived.
But in the process she has lost much of her femininity. And on
top of that she was never a sexual fireball to begin with.
She expects me to satisfy “ myself”, but I feel that in my late 60’s , I
just don’t want to do that anymore. This can lead me out the door
where I really don’t want to go. I’ll tell you ahead of time , she won’t
go to therapy at all. Either by herself or together. She says “ why don’t
you just give it up already “. Am I a child because I need physical affection ?

[Yaowen]

I am so sorry you are in this situation. It is awful to be suffering unhappiness like you described. I wish I knew what to say that would be helpful but sadly I am at a loss. Hopefully other members here will see your post and respond with something helpful. My heart goes out to you!

[ZeeZags]

This is a very tricky situation. I understand that your basic needs and expectations are not being met but at the same time, I don't think it is okay to look for it outside of the marriage or to end a marriage just because of this one reason. Maybe you can try being intimate with your wife in other ways like sitting outside on the porch for a romantic evening together, talking, laughing and occasional holding of hands? Maybe she needs the emotional connection more than the physical one. Being a woman, I can say that women proceed to physical intimacy a lot faster when they feel safe in the presence of their partner. Sex may still be off the table for a while but I feel that once you manage to rekindle that emotional bond, she will enjoy small gestures of intimacy like hugs, kisses, laying on your chest, etc.