I Think I Learned Too Late:

Im certain of it. My therapist is helping me to address it.

PTSD? I'm not sure.

Counseling appointment at 1:30pm today.

Lack of patience can be due to ADHD which can lead to having anger issues. The same is true for PTSD. There are things you can learn to do to gain better control.

My counselor told me that what she sees currently is past behaviors that are still being measured with an "old ruler."

I showed my therapist the break up text and my response, "Wow, I'm speechless. You've been through a lot. I'm sorry too....I Love You."

2 years ago i could not have responded like that.

I had a student who’s father was a police officer. He told me that his daily life was always dealing with angry people. I never thought about it until he said that. Most don’t realize the amount of stress and negativity these officers face daily.

I was a cop 20 years. Most days, you interacted with business owners, ranchers, citizens, motorists and it was generally positive.

Then there were the guys who beat kids to death with a ball bat. It was different everyday

I have been shot and stabbed, but it wasn't all bad.

You know, to be able to text me and tell me that she has no love for me, tells me that i doubt she ever really did

Feeling a little better...ate for the first time since Sunday

Most women consider love in terms of being safe. This means not having to deal with the uncertainty of shifting mood swings.

It’s not how much money or how sexually satisfying. It’s consistently respecting and maintaining a peaceful environment. Not invading the environment with angry outbursts.

For years my wife has talked about how love is meaningless and only security matters.

No matter what i feel, i now must understand that my role has only ever been to function as a financial tool.

Any love i received was simply to feed the workhorse

I'll get past this i think.

We talked this morning and agreeing to split was indeed the best decision.

I thanked her for finally being honest about staying with me only because of my income and i agreed to continue supporting her until this next big deal closes.

At that time, we will divide assests and go our separate ways

Today, i finally feel like i am able to breathe again.

Things must end, but we are in agreement.

We've maintained a legal separation for several years and i voluntarily gave up my legal claim to our marital home when we purchased it together. The home will continue to be her sole and separate property.

It's been years since any angry outbursts. Even my counselor was shocked at how i responded to the "i'm breaking up with you because i no longer love you, but i still need your income text."

I've come a long ways from where i once was.

At least she is being honest with you. It may be years since you had angry outbursts but that may have already been too late.

Personally, I think some men don’t realize that love can be destroyed if they expect a woman to mother them while they have their tantrums. I personally don’t think it’s fair to think that love was never there. That is expecting someone to give up all self respect while waiting for their partner to grow up.

I can appreciate your opinion. I may never know the answer to all of these questions, but i have had many questions answered.

The biggest killer of her love for me, according to her, was my obsession with my career as a working musician. I was gone a lot and emotionally unavailable, but that's what paid for the $150,000 backyard and bathroom upgrades, so i think my inability to balance career and a relationship is my biggest failing.

Ironically, i actually quit my job as a performer to spend more time with her, but by then, it was too late.

I will truly miss her, but i do not think we were meant to go any farther than this point.

We have both grown and evolved as individuals, but i had zero emotional tools available when i needed them. By the time i had developed personally, there was no saving it.

I told her this morning that i deeply love her and deeply regret that my behaviors resulted in the end of our relationship, but subsequently i also feel a sense of relief in that i have been set free from an impossible evaluation standard that i would have never been able to attain.

For three years, i lived without any physical intimacy, even kissing, but still needed to cuddle with her each night because that was something that she needed.

Ironically, i really do enjoy her company, we ask each other how our days went and i look forward to spending time with her. Even now.

We discussed this most recent business venture and estimate it will require 2-4 years to reach maturity. We will need to reside together until then.

Since everything in our life is governed by a long-standing legal separation agreement, EVERYTHING we do is based on honor and trust because there is nothing a court could do to influence these circumstances.

Interesting...

There's nothing a woman can do to me that can destroy my love for her, if i truly love her, which happens to be the case here, so i just cannot wrap my head around the premise that you are describing above.

That's just not how my psyche operates.

She told me this, "Remember when i had surgery and you carried me to the barhroom and back to bed and cleaned my surgical drains? Well, I've never forgotten that..."

So, i suppose i at least left some good memories???

But for me, I've had to realize something.

I must accept that my behavior was a "deal breaker" early in this relationship, but subsequently, her constantly telling me that i have to accept her non-negotiable demands was a always a requirement. No matter how much her words hurt (she is very blunt) or how unreasonable i felt she was being, i had no choice but to accept it, and she would tell me this without hesitation.

When we first met, the first two years were the best two years of my entire life. She and i both agree on this point. But neither of us had any responsibility except to each other.

She also told me yesterday "you are the best husband i ever had. You always worked, were not lazy and never hit me."

But, after the first two years, we started facing huge life challenges. I dove into my work to try and make the money we needed (my share, as she always worked too) but i wasn't able to adequately juggle being a husband and working too.

She felt alone, i felt like i had to work longer and harder and we simply lost each other along the way.

Back then, and under all that pressure, i got upset about simple things, like replacing a ceiling fan or mowing the yard. I complained a lot about my struggles at work, needing her to be my "sounding board," but not realizing that she was taking this as a negative energy event.

In summary, when i desperately needed to tell her about my bad day, the negative energy from her listening was killing her.

It was a no-win situation.

Ending a relationship is not easy. It sounds like your wife got left alone a lot. Also you both grew and changed and that does happen.