Looking for someone who’s gone through this

Hello,
I’m in the process of divorcing my husband of 10 years. He is a controlling, misogynistic person. He believes in a patriarchal marriage where the man has the main say and woman has to follow. We got married when I was really young and fell for his charm. The catalyst for the divorce has been his infidelity, as well as him wanting to move to a different continent without caring about where I want to live.
We have 3 young children and he’s using them to manipulate me. He has never cared for them one bit - I have always been the primary carer. In his view the children are great for a cuddle every now and then and when old enough they make a companion for watching TV and going out for meals, but that’s it. He’s never been involved in their upbringing, never made an effort to bond with them, play with them when they’re little, educate them, do activities with them. I have fed them every meal, done every bedtime, cared for them when they were poorly. Never him. Every time I’ve planned a child friendly activity for us as a family in the past, he’s just complained that I’m dragging him to things. Now he’s going for 50/50 custody. His parenting is the complete opposite to everything I stand for and I’m struggling to accept that I have to let go and accept that I lose half the time with the children for someone who’s only doing it to hurt me. He’s admitted to me he doesn’t actually need them - he will occasionally go away for weeks at a time and not miss them or call them, just compensates by bringing gifts back. There have been times when he’s gone out day drinking instead of spending time with the kids and then bringing a stranger he met at the bar home. Any time the kids spend with him equals him putting the TV on and staring at his phone. In general his behavior is like a permanent teenager, he will play games till really late, then sleep in really late (no matter how many children are up), leave mess around for me to pick up, his diet consists mainly of junk food (which is particularly painful for me as I’m very health conscious and now making a living out of promoting healthy eating). He has no interest or hobbies other than going out to the pub.
Sorry my post has been a bit chaotic, that’s how my head feels and I’m struggling to make sense of anything. Life at home is hell at the moment, he’ll pick arguments with me in front of the kids, undermine me and yell at me in front of them. Just this morning, he decided he’s taking the eldest out to a friends house to “hang out”, said they might be back late, I wanted to know when and said I think she should have more sleep, and he screamed at me. He has been keeping her up till 11 most nights watching TV and I just don’t think that’s acceptable for an 8 year old, I want her to have some routine.
My children mean so much to me and I just desperately want to shield them from it.
I guess I just wanted to see if there’s anyone who has gone through something like this.
Thank you for reading.

I have not gone through that specific kind of situation, but I want to ask: do you have a good lawyer to rely on? I would obtain legal advice on how to get the majority of custody, if not full custody. Your children's father is doing far more damage than good. He is not a good role model or parent whatsoever. And the kids will suffer under his hand if it's 50/50 custody. See what you can legally do and obtain legal counsel, is my advice!

Thank you, I have spoken to a lawyer and basically she said that unless he’s physically abusive or otherwise threatening their health, if he wants 50% that’s encouraged. I feel defeated.

Can you get a free consultation with another lawyer to see what other possibilities may exist for custody? I would get a second opinion just to be certain that this lawyer is accurate.

I'm really sorry for what you're going through. I have no relevant experience. It certainly sounds like he is seeking 50% custody just to be vindictive . . . and possibly to reduce how much money he has to pay in child support. It also sounds like he can legally get his way.

Here's one hope I would hold out. Once the divorce is a done deal, he may have a lot less interest in having those kids around than he's now claiming to have. He'll probably cancel out a lot in picking them up. So I think you'll end up having the kids a lot more than 50% of the time. I would recommend you start a journal on just what all he does to be involved with the kids. After the divorce, continue that. Keep a record of his cancellations, which I'm sure you'll be dealing with. Then, at a later date, you might be able to petition the court to reconsider its decision. The journal could be your evidence that he does not invest much interest in the kids.

I would agree that the kids are likely better off to be with you all the time. Keeping your 8 year old up till 11 pm is not good parenting. He does it because it requires no effort on his part.

If your husband is going to pubs or taking a child out to "a friend's house" I wonder if maybe he's taking the child to a pub. That could be considered endangering a child.
And I'm guessing the friend is his friend, not the child's. What's really going on I wonder?

@Scarlet201 I cannot say I am going through the same issue, but my sister is. Her husband of twenty years divorced her. He had a daughter before he married her and they had two girls. His daughter was having her first kid around the time they had their second. Long story short they adopted 2 of their grandkids which were boys. he was always mean to the boys...still is. But when he divorced my sister he wanted 50/50 as well. Which of course the kids mainly live with him because of school. She gets them on her week but has to take them home every night for school. The only reason he keeps the boys because he gets a check from the state for adopting them. The whole thing is a mess. My sister loves them kids so much that she will not fight him because she wants her kids lives to be joyful as possible. My heart really goes out to you honey. You can still give them kids a good life and they will see you for you and their Dad for who he is. I see it in my nieces and nephews. I can relate to the father not doing what he needs with the kids. My son is an adult now and tells me I am the one that taught him everything. He had to learn some things on his own because there is just some things I couldn't teach him. He is a good man despite his father never really having anything to do with him. His Dad was always in the home. Times will be tough sometimes, but you are better off without him and the kids will always have you. Be the great mom that you are and let them figure out on their own what type of person their dad is. My sister's kids will trash talk their dad to her, but she doesn't say anything bad about him to them or around them. Three of them are teens and the oldest has a baby of her own. Her husband is a lot like how you describe your husband. I never did like my sister's husband to say the least. You got this girl....