[sunrise]

Earlier this evening my kids' father called me and was insulting on the phone (we've been separated for 3 months). Showed no respect. He was just pissy. He called about an issue about one of the kids that was something 2 parents would want to discuss. Why did he have to treat me so mean? I let him know I didn't appreciate it and that made him even pissier. Somehow this treatment makes me feel much worse now than when we were still a couple. Then, I just "took it" when he treated me like that. Now I feel I don't deserve it, like, "hey, we're not married anymore, you can't treat me that way!" I feel like now I should get the same civil treatment he might give to a stranger. But he obviously doesn't feel that way.

The whole thing makes me also question why in heck did I let him treat me that way for so many years when we were still together? WTH was wrong with me?

I am feeling confused these days.

[Lemon]

Sunny - Sorry you're feeling down after the call. I experience some depression after talking to my ex also. Though the circumstances are very different, he treats me with almost excessive respect right now, it is strange to have the husband and wife relationship (whatever that might have been) evolve into something different.

On the positive side it sounds like you've grown and are now able to realize that you deserve to be treated with respect. Good for you.

[sadbeauty]

I'm sorry too.. my x treats me like i am the most disgusting person in the world while co- workers, family and strangers treat me like i am a wonderful person. I am bi-polar but i really know how to handle it and "talk" my way through my feelings.. I think when he found out that i was bi-polar, he used it against me to make himself look "stonger" and "better" then me..

Its a sign of his own weakness.. remember that.

[sabby]

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sunrise said:
The whole thing makes me also question why in heck did I let him treat me that way for so many years when we were still together? WTH was wrong with me?

I am feeling confused these days.

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There was nothing wrong with you sunrise....what happened was he used his abuse to make you feel small and insignificant when you were together. When that happens, we take what is dished out because we feel powerless against it and we feel small and deserving in some way of the stuff they spew. Now that you are on your own, your self esteem is returning and you are realizing that his treatment of you in this way is uncalled for and you won't take it anymore. He is realizing that you are growing stronger and he is still trying to keep you down with his abusive mouth. Stand your ground hon.....he will figure out that his words can have no more control over you as you gain your strength and self respect back.

When my ex used to treat me that way after we seperated and divorced, I would simply say in a calm and low voice (so he would have to shut up to hear me) "I will not stand for you being disrespectful to me any longer. When you can speak to me in a normal tone of voice and not spew your hatred, then call me so we can discuss the matter at hand calmly and in an adult manner". then I would gently hang up the phone. It took him awhile to adjust to this new and improved me...but he did and he backed down and treated me with more respect. Hopefully it can work for you too!

Treat yourself well sunrise...you deserve it!


sabby