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Grand Member
Member Since Nov 2006
Posts: 660
17 
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Apr 14, 2008 at 11:42 AM
#1
well i finally did it. i have been wanting this divorce for a while now. my husband is having a terrible time accepting this request. he is now very depressed and has no support other than me. its so difficult because i have to give him support for something that i want so badly. i feel terrible for hurting him but i cannot be unhappy anymore. i think it is best that i told him because being in a relationship with someone u are not in love with is not right (at least not to me). he wants to be around me to make up for the things that he did, but its too late, i just want to move on. i wish he had support from his family so that i wouldnt have to be the one to console him. i feel like i am bound to do this. i dont know what else to do. sorry for the rambling.
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Grand Member
Member Since Jan 2007
Location: england
Posts: 941
17
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Apr 14, 2008 at 11:47 AM
#2
dont worry bout it agony.
i hope it goes smoothly for you. divorces are stressful, i am aware. whatever you do, look after you first. he may be suffering, but if to stop that u have to suffer, dont do it. i wish you good luck dot __________________ i miss you...  'cuz the drugs dont work, they just make you worse, but i, know ill see your face again...' 'welcome friends. i am potato.' 
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Apr 14, 2008 at 12:36 PM
#3
You come first remember that. Sometimes you have to be selfish in this life and take BACK what is yours by right, happiness.
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Grand Member
Member Since Feb 2007
Posts: 758
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Apr 14, 2008 at 12:51 PM
#4
It was good that you added the last part because I live in a relationship where I love her but, I am not IN love with her. It is a tough place to be, but to me it is a comfortable place. I have a great family and to leave would crush a lot of them. Sometimes we should think of others instead of self. I gave my word in solemn vowes before God and witnesses that it would be till death do we part. I meant it. |
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 shezbut
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Grand Member
Member Since Nov 2006
Posts: 660
17
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Apr 14, 2008 at 02:42 PM
#5
thanks for your support, i greatly appreciate it. he showed up to my lunch time today even though i asked him not to. and not only did he show up but he bought me a new wedding band!! i repeated again what i told him when we first spoke. i told him that he really needs to back off. i mean i asked him for a divorce, why go out and buy me a wedding band for PETES SAKE. i am trying to be as supportive as i can be but he is making it very hard for me. i feel that he should consider my feelings as well. i understand that he is hurt but geeze what else can i do. i told him that it is unfair to him if i stay in a relationship that i am not happy in. i mean its unfair to both of us right?
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Grand Member
Member Since Feb 2007
Posts: 758
17
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Apr 14, 2008 at 03:24 PM
#6
agony;
Do you have children together? How long have you been married? There are sometimes reasons to stay together. For me it is family. I have 6 grandkids I want to see grow up and have fun with. Love wanes for many of us. There are times we go through not wanting to be with the other person because we don't feel the fire anymore, but if you are patient and really care for the other it will return. In my case Iwas married very young and as we grew older we grew apart in our commonalities. I don't particularly like watching House hunters, design on a dime, etc. She dosen't like forensic files or AMW. We are in the same house but we live in different rooms. We sleep in the same bed but, rarely have relations. I think it's so we don't stray in that department. I would be glad it if she found someone else and we just share household expenses. Sometimes it is for the other. Don't be selfish. Think of him and his feelings too. Maybe he is just scared of being alone. Maybe he really does love you, is that too hard to believe? |
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Grand Member
Member Since Nov 2006
Posts: 660
17
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Apr 15, 2008 at 03:00 PM
#7
we have one son in common and we have been together for seven years. i understand your opinion 50, but my hub and i cannot live together amicably. he is tooooo possesive. i am more like a prize possesion than his partner. and though when i recited my vows i was committed to them, right now our relationship reached a breaking point. he always promises to change and i have forgiven him for many things that i should've NEVER put up with. he changes temporarily and then reverts back to his old self again. and i dont feel that it is wrong to be selfish once in a while when it comes down to what is right. i am actually being very understanding. as i have not asked him to move out right away. agreed to a seperation instead of a divorce to see what happens. i have been his support system through all of this and will continue to support him because i care for him very much. but i am not in love with him anymore and i cannot pretend that everything is fine. i believe that i owe him the truth.
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Magnate
Member Since Oct 2007
Location: Fayetteville, AR
Posts: 2,798
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Apr 15, 2008 at 03:43 PM
#8
agony, i agree. its everyone's own personal opinion, but i do agree that if youre not happy, you shouldnt be there. vows or no vows. i finally got up the courage to tell my boyfriend that my feelings are dwindling. i feel like just getting that off my chest helped and am starting to have feelings for him again. if you cant be happy with him, then you need to do whats best for you. its not selfish, its just plain being mentally healthy. dont let anyone tell you youre being selfish. emotional abuse is still abuse and deserves to be seen as such. and if you feel that he is taking advantage of you and hurting you continually, then you shouldnt have to put up with that. good luck with everything.
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Veteran Member
Member Since Mar 2007
Location: USA
Posts: 349
17 |
Apr 15, 2008 at 08:38 PM
#9
It must be hard having him still in your house. I know from experience that this can make it hard for both parties to move on. Is there a way the two of you can get sometime apart? It sounds like he might be in shock right now or trying to see how much you really meant what you said. Maybe if you had some time apart it would help it become reality for him. Is there anyway you could take a little vacation...long weekend type of thing to get away? Another thing to think about might be setting a dealine for when he does have to move out, so that he gets it that he needs to start working on other arrangements.
Stick to your decision since it seems like it was what you wanted. Tell him to return the ring. |
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Apr 16, 2008 at 08:14 AM
#10
My ex wouldnt/couldnt get the idea that I wanted out I first asked him to leave after three years of marriage it took me till fifteen years and ME moving out with five children before I realised I didnt have to put up with life like this anymore that I can empower myself and start a life without his permission.
He went downhill fast and I felt so guilty but someone told me he was deliberatly allowing it to happen as he knew which buttons to push with me to make me feel bad and hopefully return. I stood fast for the first time in years and ignored him and what he was doing, I met someone else and had a child with him, he has still not really got the idea as he recently asked my mother if she thought I might return. I have realised that he is master of his own destiny and I cant live my life for another person. Back off and let him do his own thing its kinder in the long run as he will stand on his own feet faster. |
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Grand Member
Member Since Nov 2006
Posts: 660
17
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Apr 16, 2008 at 09:21 AM
#11
you are so right tishie. i can't continue this way because he is never gonna stand on his own two feet. he needs to realize that this is over. he keeps teling me how much he loves me and will change. but i have heard all of this before. i just want to move on amicably without any problems. but i guess given the situation that is impossible.
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Veteran Member
Member Since Feb 2007
Location: NY
Posts: 431
17
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Apr 16, 2008 at 11:23 AM
#12
{{{{{{{{{007}}}}}}}}}}
My heart goes out to you... i know how tough it was for you to say those words to him. You have the courage and strength to do whats in you and your sons best interest. Please always know we are all here for you. XOXOOXOXXO Vanessa 
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Grand Member
Member Since Nov 2006
Posts: 660
17
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Apr 16, 2008 at 02:35 PM
#13
((gypsy)) i miss u sista!! i hope all is well with u. thank you for the kind words. yes it was very hard to muster up the courage to ask him for a divorce. right now, because of the way he has reacted, i agreed to a seperation instead of a divorce, even though in my heart my decision is final. he said the most beautiful words to me yesterday and it affected me. but then as usual i remember that he has made all those promises before and never follows through on them. this is so difficult and i am trying to hang on to the rope of sanity between this situation and phasing out of my past job i am completely stressed out.
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