[KarenG]

Brand new to the forums--there is a wealth of info out there! Here's the short version of my story:

Boyfriend and I have been dating for four years...we've lived together 2 years. Within the last 4 months or so we've hit some sour times. When he spent a lot of the evening this past Monday texting on the phone, when it was HE who suggested we go watch the football game together, I lost it. (There have been some trust issues in the past, and I know I am insecure about our relationship...)

Anyway, when I got angry about all the texting, and lack of attention he was giving me on our "date", he lost it as well. One thing lead to another and his truck was packed up with almost all his clothes...

It was a hasty move--a very emotionally charged move. He ended up sleeping on the couch in our office, while I slept on the couch downstairs. We talked the next morning--we both apologized, we both admitted we still love each other. But we decided we needed a break from each other.

So, we are going through a trial separation. We need to get back to being best friends. We need to appreciate each other more, and recognize just how important we are to each other.

SO...my question is: how do we handle our separation? Go our separate ways for a little while, and try and start "dating" again? He moved out Tuesday, and we have talked on the phone at least twice a day since then, as well as numerous texts. With his work schedule I don't call him---he calls me everytime. Are we going about this the wrong way? A girlfriend suggested we not talk to each other for about 2 weeks--it's a good cool down time, as well as time for both of us to think clearly without the other around. But my boyfriend thinks it's great that in spite of our issues, we WANT to keep in communication---why take that away from us?

I am clueless. I was married once before, it was a wonderful relationship, but he passed away 7 years ago. I've never done the separation thing or the divorce thing. (Given the way our lives have intermingled, to go our separate ways for good would be like a divorce). He's been divorced once before...but he wanted out of that relationship. He tells me he doesn't want out of ours, but that we have some issues we both need to work on, and remove our stubbornness.

Is there a best way to deal with a separation?

Sorry for the long post....

KarenG

[Shangrala]

HI Karen ~

Situations like this are never easy. But perhaps your girlfriend might have a good suggestion there. Since you both have decided that you need this time apart, maintaining in the daily contact may not be allowing either of you that chance to think through exactly what it is which created your seperation at present. And the constant contact may only distract the both of you from attending to that issue in order for it to be resolved.
It would be sorta senseless if you decided to get back together without even reaching a resolution to what broke you both up. Normally, issues like that will eventually resurface.....usually with greater force.

It's just a thought. I sincerely hope it all works out for you both. Good luck.

[bebop]

by not talking that is not working things out. communication is the key to any relationship. I think you should continue communication but discussing the issues is what needs to be talked about.

[Lenny]

I agree with bebop that communication is the key to most resolutions...

However I also believe that space is very important in allowing emotions to cool. Sometimes we cloud the reality of our circumstances when we are emotionally charged and it is certainly true that absence "can" make the heart grow fonder...

So maybe an agreed upon break of all communication of a week or so with an exception for emergencies...Take the time to be with yourselves and look at what each of you contributed to reach this point..

In a week meet in a quiet place and discuss maturely what each of you have discovered and make plans for what to do next...

If you treat your relationship as you would anything priceless,,and give it the care and thoughtfullness that your future should require,,then you will each have the patience necessary for allowing time to works its magic...

While your with yourself try to seek what has caused you to be angry...Ask yourself,,"what are you afraid of?...for more often than not,,,anger is fear...

IMHO...

Lenny

[SeptemberMorn]

A "two thumbs up" on that one, Lenny!