[Lemon]

I haven't talked to my ex-husband for a couple months. I had been angry because he hadn't paid a bill that was his responsibility. We divorced amicably so it was our pattern to chat online every couple weeks just to check in. But since I had been angry I hadn't made any effort to get it touch. I thought it would be good for me to have him completely out of my life for awhile as I learn to be my own person after the divorce.

Anyway..........I just heard from him (IM conversation). He just lost his job. It stired up all these feelings in me that I'm having a hard time dealing with. I played a mother role in our relationship so I immediately have the urge to ask him a bunch of questions and problem solve.

Another feeling is relief or confirmation might be a better word, that his life is no longer my problem. His wanting to live a more unstable/risky life was opposite of what I wanted. It was an area that we clashed on in our marriage and caused me huge amounts of anxiety.

I also feel sad that he's going through a hard time and once again his grand hopes at a job haven't turned out how he wanted.

I had been wondering how he was doing, but now I wish I didn't know. I'm havning a hard time settling down from this.

[mountainhigh]

I would say that it is better to care about him even if there is nothing you can do to help. I would be more concerned if you did'nt care what happens to him. I think we will always be concerned.

[sabby]

Hi Lemon,

I can certainly relate to your problem. It's the old adage that old habits die hard sometimes.

It's really hard to step back from someone when for years you were their caretaker for the most part. Hearing the same kind of issues even months or sometimes years after a break up can bring us right back to the place we were way back then.

The good thing now is that even though you may be feeling the anxiety and that pit in your stomach and the urge to step in and fix things, you can now sit back and play the healthy supportive role instead of jumping right in.

It took a long time for me to be able to back away from my ex when I heard of his problems. But in time, I finally succeeded in doing so and it was soooooo freeing to me. And I've found that nothing has changed, regardless of whether I would step in and try to rescue or do absolutely nothing at all. He makes his own paths. It's not my responsibility to rescue him. Now our responsibility is to ourselves and our lives and how best to live them on our own.

I wish you well!


sabby