[emptyglass]

I saw this French film Look at Me with a friend yesterday and have found myself thinking about it all day today. It triggered some childhood memories about my father and the way he misused power in our relationship by making comments about which kinds of clothes I should wear (like Bermuda shorts because I didn't have the legs for the shorter variety). While I have forgiven my father (mostly)I sadly recognized the monstrous ego and arrogant attitudes the father in the movie displayed in my father. I also related with the female lead Lolita because she has self esteem issues and like her, I obsess about being overweight. Another parallel is that my father had a girlfriend (thin) half his age when I was an overweight teenager and in the movie Lolita's father also has a waif-like partner half his age.

I suppose I am feeling very sorry for myself tonight as I struggle with the medication Zyprexa. It gives me a huge appetite so I overeat and that has created 50 extra pounds. It does however keep the hounds of anxiety at bay in the wee morning hours when everything seems so hopeless...

[nothemama8]

EG have missed you glad to see ya back
Angie

[emptyglass]

Thanks for welcoming me back Nothemama. Hope you are doing well tonight. It took me ages to find the butterfly for my signature. Finally I googled "Stain Glass Butterflies" and the prettiest ones came up. I really like yours and hope you don't mind that I used one in my signature.

tc, eg

[sorrel]

(((((((emptyglass)))))))

Being triggered feels so achy and raw and frightening, I know, I understand....

Take care, be gentle with yourself.

My father was/is a controller too...

sorrel

[emptyglass]

Hi Sorrel. Thank you for your kind message. I guess at the time I was watching the movie I didn't realize how much of an impact it had on me until later on.

It is still difficult to deal with a controlling father; something I always think will magically disappear due to time and circumstance but somehow old patterns are difficult to replace especially when he lives in another state and I only see him once in a while. Thanks again for your encouragement!

tc, emptyglass

[vacantangel]

EmptyGlass, so good to see you back again. I've really missed you. I'm sorry that you were triggered by the movie. I was triggered by something last week and it seems that you don't really realize you're being triggered until it's too late. It just seems to hit you like a ton of bricks, or at least for me anyway. I hope it doesn't take you very long to get over it. I'm still dealing with mine and now trying avoidance, reluctantly. Do you have a t that you could discuss this with? I hope you are doing well. So good to 'see' you again. I really have missed you. Send me a PM so we can catch up. It's been so long.

(((((((((( emptyglass )))))))))))))

[vacantangel]

Ooops!!! I should tell you that I changed my name since we last talked. I used to be 'AngelGirl'. Didn't want to confuse you.

[emptyglass]

Hi Vacantangel! Thanks for your message. I will be bringing this up with my therapist the next time I see her. I don't have regular weekly appointments with her (money--my insurance only covers $45 of her $100.00 fee per 45 min.--ouch) so I just see her when necessary.

I'm so sorry to hear that you too were triggered by something and I hope you are OK! tc, emptyglass

[vacantangel]

Hey! Glad to see you replied. I'm dealing with mine, discussed it with t today, along with other things. Will take me awhile, I think. I hope you're dealing with yours ok. Sorry to hear you don't have a regular t. I understand money issues. I'm luckier here cuz t is free, government pays. I've really missed you. Sent you a PM. BTW, forgot to tell you in my last post, like your stained-glass butterfly.

((((((((((((( emptyglass ))))))))))))