[Rdad]

I'm a concerned dad of a 14 year old I suspect of secretive vomiting (in the bathroom claiming she is just coughing). I have not detected any of the hallmark signs of bulimia (marks on fingers and hands, yellowing of fingernails, swollen glands).

She is a beautiful, creative, girl - and thin, but within healthy standards. Plays sports, but not to excess. Eats sporadically, but at odd times (2am?) but generally healthy stuff (and reads all the package labels). No binge eating that I can tell.

Although she is thin her friends call her "Fatty" and she has taken to writing this on her hand. When asked about it, she says it is just a joke. A joke I don't get.

I have detected what I think is the possible residue of her vomiting in the sink. Is there any foolproof way of determining exactly what is going on behind the bathroom door...or am I just over concerned where none is warranted? thanks

[mortimer]

I'm not bulimic, and I only knew someone who was personally and closely that lived pretty far away, so someone who has a better clue will be able to say something pretty soon I'm sure.

Things can start out pretty slow, and how long have you been concerned? It could be a bit too early to have really big signs, and you can use a toothbrush instead of fingers so there's no hand signs... blah blah blah. We've all found good ways of hiding things.

About the fatty thing on her hand, is it always there, or was it just there that one time as a joke? My friends and I have some off colour jokes at times, but nothing like that. I guess everyone's different though, you know?

When she eats at 2 am or really late, do you know how much she's eating? Is it just a little snack, or is she grabbing a lot and hoarding food?

I don't know how long it takes to corrode your teeth badly, but I know if you're bulimic and go to the dentist they can tell. I guess you could try that if things start getting worse.

something fishy (http://www.sfwed.org/) has good ways and suggestions of taking to someone who you suspect may have an eating disorder. When asking, you don't make it sound like you're accusing, but being supportive and being there.

Again, I'm pretty clueless about bulimia, so I hope someone else will come along. But I think it's kind of suspicious. I just want to say, that it's not time to get snoopy. If things get dangerous, as it an official diagnoses, the's getting unhealthy, then I think you can start asking friends of her to step in and stuff. But invading someone's privacy isn't a good way to help someone with a ED. It's the middle ground you're going to have to find I think.

Good luck! Feel free to use the forums as much as you need, welcome, and good luck on figuring everything out. It's good if you help EDs in the beginning, because it's such a better rate for full recovery.

mortie, you're just the coolest thing i've ever met!! your advice to dad is off the charts.......(i owe you a PM, i took a break from here)....

Dad, you can determine if there is vomit residue by scraping a bit up and asking someone, like your family doc, to get it analyzed. I agree with Mort for the most part. However, I have a family friend who almost died in highschool from it, so I'm a bit scared of it now.

You've found an excellent place for support for you. This place is very, very caring and people are always ready to help you out.....Pat

[wanttoheal]

A routine trip to the dr for routine blood work often shows things off balance if she is doing it regularly. Not foolproof but an idea. Everyone needs to be checked periodically for routine health. Good luck. The sooner one gets help, the higher the percentage is of recovery.

[dayzee9]

(((((((((Hey, A Loving Dad! Awesome!))))))))

Hi, My name is Laura; right now I'm an unemployed psych nurse; however. I also suffered many, many years of bulimia. I would binge and purge...sometimes I would purge even when there really wasn't anything there. By my 20th birthday, I had lost ALL of my teeth by vomiting; I have severe GERD (Reflux disease)and my metabolism is screwed royally for life.

I wish I had a Dad who cared!
Are her eyes bloodshot when she comes out of the bathroom; (vomiting causes bloodshot eyes) is she using mild mouthwash to cover? Does she have a lot of upper GI distress? Nausea?
Dizziness when she stands up?

Dad; I think you're the greatest for caring! I've been researching various web sites and I have a couple of top-notch ones that have LOTS of info you're probably needing; as a loved one...and most of these web sites have addt'l links to other web sites.....all wiling to help you in your time of need....good luck Any questions, PM me! DAYZEE9w/

Here goes:

#1 - www.something-fishy.org (massive info & links)

#2 - www.gurze.net/site12_5_00/newsletter17.htm

#3 - www.anred.com (lots of info & links)

#4 - www.edrefferal.com

#5 - www.nationaleatingdisorders.org

#6 - www.poppink.com/read_terms.html

#7 - www.pale-reflections.com (complete on-line community)

#8 - www.edrecovery.com/jive3/index.jspa

#9 - www.hedc.org

And one for the road: www.dadsanddaughters.org

Please take good care of yourself & her!!! Laura.....

[Genevieve]

Another vote for you as a great dad. It's so nice to see you concerned NOW -- I'm in my forties, and my family got concerned this past year about my anorexia. Which started in 1979...

Here goes:

Hie that child to a doctor, whom you have already tipped off that she's looking pretty eating disordered -- and don't be surprised if inpatient treatment is recommended, and don't be put off by your daughter balking at that. It really is the best thing for her, before this becomes a major problem for the rest of her life.

Does that sound melodramatic t you? Too bad. Your daughter is eating disordered, and getting adequate treatment now is the best thing you can do for her, long term, even if she can't see it now. In-patient to get the worst portions treated where she can't get away with things, and then out-patient follow-up to ease her back to normal living.

Although you're concerned with possible bulimia, you've mentioned signs that worry me more: eating at 2AM, for example, is NOT healthy for her, either physically or psychologically. As well as the familiar Bulimia Nervosa and Anorexia Nervosa, there are other eating disorders like Orthorexia -- being obsessed by eating only healthy things, reading food labels, etc -- and Binge Eating Disorder, and Exercise Anorexia, etc. ALL eating disorders are destructive, and ALL need to be taken seriously. Eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of any mental illness.

Your daughter sounds as though she is suffering from an eating disorder, whether she's purging or not, and I do think that -- no matter how hard it is -- it's time to get her into treatment, whether she admits to anything or agrees to treatment or not. She is 14, so she can have an opinion, but she still has to live by your decisions. It's much harder to get her into treatment once she's older -- even 16 is a lot harder to force treatment on -- so do it now, while you can.

Good luck. And the Something Fishy site is a great resource, as is the NEDA.org site. Let us know what happens, OK?

excellent advice..and after i've had time to think it over, i recommend treatment now....family doc and rehab center. BEcase she's only 14.......much easier to do it now than later....you're her daddy....pat

[mortimer]

Yea, but don't just jump at it, okay? Take her to a doc, but don't demean her and stuff before you know completely. Not everyone has completely normal habits, and it is pretty personal and sometimes embarrasing to see a doc. Be gentle, kay?

[Genevieve]

VERY good points -- I should clarify something: when I said to give the doc a head's up, I meant to do it privately, before she goes to the office, and DO NOT go in with her. Let the doctor explore all this, so that she's not reacting to feeling put on the spot by dad, you know? Just call the doctor's office in advance, ask the doctor not to disclose the call, but say that you're concerned and will the doctor check on things?

Good luck.

[dayzee9]

((((((((((Genevieve YES!)))))))))))

The best thing for you, Dad is to follow Genevieve's advice; making sure that she is initially seen by a "regular doctor" versus dragging her kicking & screaming to see a specialist in ED.....when I was Dxed w/ my ED's, my shrink "literally" dragged me to the Specialist in the ED ward and I resented the hell out of him for it (even though it eventually saved my life, literally) Just setting up the appt, w/ her regular doc under the premise of just a "routine check-up", call the doc ahead of time w/ the info & NEVER even think about going in with her!!! As a teenage girl, that is a HUGE RED FLAG!! Don't force her, it will be suspicious of your motives in a "New York Minute"!

Good call, Genevieve! DAYZEE9

[misty]

Have you asked her?

[misty]

I know that may seem like a silly question for I know my kids never answered honestly to something they wanted to hide but it is a start.