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#1
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It's been a week since I've eaten now and I'm past caring. I'm not interested in hearing about how it's going to affect me. I have so much anger inside and I can't let go of this. Food is the only thing I have a grip on. I'm seeing my T in a couple of days and on one hand I feel that I should tell her I'm not able to eat anything at all but on the other hand, I ask myself what's the point. I've always been on my own dealing with this. I have this session with my T for an hour then I'm turfed out for another week. What does she care? Jot, that's what!
I'm so sad and so angry. I want everyone to stay away and leave me alone. |
#2
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Hi Lilly,
What your feeling is par for the course. I felt that way for two to three years till I was able to stop. I was angry because no one had the answeres , I thought I was the only one suffering . but what it was is that I could not get it . There was a part of me that did not want it bad enough. ask and pray for willingness . the work I did involved changing these thought patterns. is like a war zone . Constant walking the line saying well am I going to do the starvation or binging or am I gonna try to eat healthy . the ed voice on one shoulder the new healthy one on the other . which one are you going to give into ? The truth is you are alone with this . You have to make the decisions to right your eating. Im over here working on mine . I alone deside if Im going to do whats best to recover or not.Im comletelt responsible for what I do. with eating . The therapist does not have the problem and they probably are clueless about what its like first hand . It does not mean she or he cannot help you. I did lots of work . I called and then I didn;t call. the final call was to my own phone I had to learn how to dial my own number and talk to myself .because many times others were not home. the therpists help reiterate ? new ways of thinking and supporting right action . How we sabotage ourselves. Another alternative is to go into a rehab type fo situation. as in patient . Take care Patricia |
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