[Warrioress]

Hi

My primary issue is bipolar disorder, but within the past few days I've become obsessed with food. I take Olanzapine and it has increased my appetite, as a result of which I've gained a few kilos. Now I've started eating very little and feeling extremely guilty whenever I do eat. Every time a friend comments on my having gained weight things get worse. I've realized that there's something wrong, but I don't want to tell my pdoc or my family. I don't want to ask for help. I'm actually enjoying starving myself! God, this is insane!

[geniousjess]

i would suggest shutting the door before you go any further down this road. It is not a happy place and while you may feel powerful for a minute i can promise if you continue, it will bring you nothing but shame, pain and self hatred. it's not worth the risk. I guarantee it. If i could tell you the times i've tried to take my own life, or even not tried but literally felt i couldn't last one more minute. It's not a pretty life to live. And while we are the on the living subject, what kind of life is it when you refuse to leave your house because you're afraid of being seen. When you meet a really great guy but can't be comfortable enough in your skin to the point you sabatoge all hopes of being in a relationship. Your friendships suffer. Your family suffers. You mind will eventually be consumed with food, weight, and body image. It will steal your life. You will feel alone and completely seclude yourself to the ED. Once it gets that bad you may finally realize you need help, but you've been so trained to cope using restriction, binging, purging, that it will be a long and painful journey to recover, and some never do. Please, don't start this path. I'd give anything to be able to turn back time.

[Warrioress]

Thank you for the reply geniousjess, but I think it's already too late. My mind has become my enemy