[Catlovers141]

I am a 20 year old female and I have bulimia. I have been in therapy for a little over a year, and although my parents know I am in therapy, they do not know about the bulimia. I never really wanted to tell them because I didn't want them to worry, feel guilty, or think badly of me. I told them several months ago about my diagnosis of DDNOS because they wanted to know why I was in therapy and they make fun of it every time I go home. They also make fun of people who eat a lot, and they do it to their face (this is done a lot to my grandfather). All of this makes me really uncomfortable telling them.

The reason why I am even considering it is because I am under their insurance. Last summer, things got really bad and I almost had to do some sort of partial hospitalization program. Things have happened recently in my life (and the future of my eating disorder is uncertain in general) so it is possible that the question of partial hospitalization or some other level of care may come up again. If I were to go, it would show up on my insurance statement which my parents see. I would rather not tell them about the eating disorder at the time that I go to that program. It seems like it would be better to tell them when it isn't quite so bad, and if more intense treatment is needed later they will have already been aware of the issue.

How do I go about doing this in a good way? I am afraid that our relationship will change for the worse. I feel like the only possible consequences are that they will make fun of me or that they will feel guilty and I will have burdened them with something that they can't do much about or even watch because I am at college.

[Sunna]

Can you explore your apprehension about telling your parents with your therapist? That may be best.

But I also would like to point out to you, that while you sound so practical with the issue of insurance and all that, there is a very beautiful underpinning to your question, and that is that you love your parents. If you did not, you would not care that they may feel guilty. Someone else could have taken a tack that if they are in habit of shaming other family members for eating too much, it would serve them right to feel a bit of guilt. (You know you can recognize that their actions contributed to your probelm and still love them, right?)

If it was me, I would tell them I need to have a serious discussion with with them. Make an appointment, so I have their full attention, rather than try to slip it between "would you like some more coffee" and "how about that game!". This way they could hear me out, hopefully, and I could tell them that this is not something to poke fun at, or dismiss, nor is it an accusation, but I have this problem, and I am seeking help, and I don't like that I kept it from them, but I need their love, and was afraid that if I tell them things would get worse, so I was silent.

[Catlovers141]

Thanks, Sunna. That was a really good thing to point out. I appreciate that.

One of my friends suggested telling them over the phone. I'm not sure if this is a good idea or not. What do you all think? The reason she suggested it is because I can have more of a boundary and be able to end the conversation more easily than physically being present with them. I agree about that, but is it fair to them to do it over the phone?

I also tried writing a letter, but I don't know if I will be able to read it or give it to them. I am trying to make it easier for myself, but it looks like that is difficult to do.

[JustWannaDisappear]

When I was 19 and in therapy my parents knew but didn't know about the bulimia. They knew I "use to" have an ED but didn't know I was still struggling and needed treatment. I ended up calling a treatment center in my T session with my Ts help and set up an intake assessment, then the next session my parents came. I also had a friend come too for support. She was also not aware of the ED, but we were very close.

It's very scary telling them, and my parents were and still are the same way about people eating and therapy. I'm 28 and back in therapy but haven't told them because of the things they say.

I wish you luck and you can always PM me if you'd like.