[Hobly818]

so i guess i can start off by saying

when i was 13 i was higher in weight than i wanted to be.. then i came up with a briliant idea.. i couldnt gain any weight if i didnt eat.. so i slowly stopped eating.. reduced how much i ate by the day.. until it got to the point where i could go a week with nothing but a french fry.. a few months later i was lower in weight..i used laxis and diet pills and spent a few weeks purging...but it kinda scared my brother and my dad.. so i "recoverd" i put quotations bc i didnt really recover fully.. i just ate a full meal a day infront of them so they would be satisfied.. in result i leveled out at a better weight.. until i was 17 i moved out and when the stress hit me i blew up to a higher weight.. then i got in a bad relationship and just kept blowing up finaly at the point of my highest weight a few months back. i said enough! and started again with my old ways.. im down to a lower weight on a good day now.. but im addicted to sweets.. so most of my intake is junk food like candy bars or chips.. if everyone sees me eating junk like that they think "its ok shes eating.. if she was going back to her old ways she'd never eat anything with that many calories in it!" some days are hard i just want to give it up but when i do eat.. i feel disgusting.. like im a fat slab of lard jiggaling down the street.. heck.. i feel that way any way..

yall prolly just think that im stupid

[Wysteria]

Originally Posted by Hobly818

so i guess i can start off by saying

when i was 13 i was higher in weight than i wanted to be.. then i came up with a briliant idea.. i couldnt gain any weight if i didnt eat.. so i slowly stopped eating.. reduced how much i ate by the day.. until it got to the point where i could go a week with nothing but a french fry.. a few months later i was lower in weight..i used laxis and diet pills and spent a few weeks purging...but it kinda scared my brother and my dad.. so i "recoverd" i put quotations bc i didnt really recover fully.. i just ate a full meal a day infront of them so they would be satisfied.. in result i leveled out at a better weight.. until i was 17 i moved out and when the stress hit me i blew up to a higher weight.. then i got in a bad relationship and just kept blowing up finaly at the point of my highest weight a few months back. i said enough! and started again with my old ways.. im down to a lower weight on a good day now.. but im addicted to sweets.. so most of my intake is junk food like candy bars or chips.. if everyone sees me eating junk like that they think "its ok shes eating.. if she was going back to her old ways she'd never eat anything with that many calories in it!" some days are hard i just want to give it up but when i do eat.. i feel disgusting.. like im a fat slab of lard jiggaling down the street.. heck.. i feel that way any way..

yall prolly just think that im stupid

No Hobly,

Noone here thinks you are stupid, please don't put words in our mouths. We are a very supportive group here and we try to be kind to one another. We have all had our own diordered ways of dealing with food and emotions...that's why we're here....just like you. We're all the same. I'm sorry that you are hurting and feel bad about yourself and the way you look.. That is very common among us.

I might suggest that you see if you can find an ED experienced nutritionist in your area...they might be able to help come up with some ideas for helping to improve your diet or intake while not triggering your bad feelings about food. Something bigger is making you hurt emotionally. I hope you might get help with that too with a therapist or counselor...they kind of go hand in hand. Your ED nutitionist, if she/he is good and has experience with ED, will help evaluate your needs and help you get the other help you need in conjunction with a therapist perhaps. I don't know for sure. I'm not a professional. I"m just like you... And I'm not stupid, and neither are YOU!!!

Hugs and best wishes...keep posting and let us know how you are doing..and how you are feeling.

Wysteria Blue

Hello, Hobly818. I wish you well.

[I had no idea]

I don't think you're stupid at all because I feel the same way.