[Hoops]

Recently I had a conversation with a friend (incidentally, one of my best friends who knows me & my eating disorder, anorexia very well) who casually remarked that she hadn't eaten all day, and that she usually doesn't eat breakfast because she's "too lazy" and often skips lunch too, but will have "like, 2 dinners"....this was her response to me saying that I was in a bad mood because I had low blood sugar...saying that she often went without eating all day. She was very casual and lighthearted about her remark.

How is it that some people can just casually skip meals, and when I decide to eat only an orange for breakfast, I am acting on my eating disorder? What if I'm just 'casually' skipping a meal because I know that there's some dinner party later, and I plan to eat more then? (side note: social events w food make me feel insane and tunnel-visioned and starving/full)... Why are my behaviors part of an affliction? How is it that other people can live their lives meal plan-less and somehow be happier & healthier than I am? When I try to convince myself that following a meal plan is important, I often look to other people that I admire, and see what they do. "Oh, she eats grains at breakfast AND lunch! AND dinner!" But when people I love don't fit the recommended meal plan/exercise ideal that my nutritionist et al. give to me, I get confused, and MAD. I feel like maybe food has nothing to do with it, and that it's just something inherently wrong with me. I don't need to eat more. I'm already so full.

Can anybody relate with this?

[ShaggyChic_1201]

I just had this convo with my nutritionist on Friday. My husband is like your friend ... eats a few bites once in a while, never plans anything, will hold out eating if the food isn't just right, etc.

I was complaining that I hate eating "big meals" (i.e. whatever is on my meal plan) when I know he's only going to take 2 bites and claim to be full. I feel like a cow in comparison to a kitten.

She let me whine for a while and then said, with firmness in her voice, "Because you have an eating disorder. Other people can get away with eating patterns that you cannot. If you want to get well, you will eat according to your meal plan each and every day."

Y'know what? It helped me.

When I feel like the cow next to the kitten, I remind myself that this is necessary for my health and that it's something I HAVE TO DO to be well. I think more clearly, I feel better, my skin looks better, and I'm healthier when I am correctly nourished.

Sometimes knowing that I have another meal/snack coming works to my advantage too. When I really want to binge on something because I feel upset/mad/happy (insert any other emotion), I remind myself that in 2 hours I'll be eating something again and usually I can wait. It's not easy - and I'm just coming off a relapse, so take everything I just said with a huge grain of salt, but I do understand exactly what you're saying.

Thanks for reading-sorry it was so long.

[Hoops]

That's the same advice I've been given ('because you have an eating disorder, you need to follow a meal plan'), but it just seems too vague to me, and never convincing enough to make me want to follow a meal plan. Usually the people who give this advice don't have eating disorders. I just don't understand.

[ShaggyChic_1201]

I look at it this way. I don't need to inject insulin because my pancreas makes enough of it and my body knows how to use it. Many people who do have diabetes do need to inject insulin and follow a special diet because they have a disorder. They can choose to ignore the meal plan, guess at their blood sugar levels and will, eventually, pay the consequences through blindness, loss of limbs and even death.

I too have to make similar choices. I can choose to ignore my meal plan, which I need because of my disorder, but I will eventually pay the consequences, bone loss, heart failure, dental decay and perhaps even death.

Is it fair? No.
Is it part of the lot I've drawn? Yes.
Is it my choice to follow or not follow? Yes.
Will there be consequences if I don't follow? Yes.

Hope this helps you Hoops.
Bubba

[Perna]

Your friend might not be healthier/happier, she doesn't sound healthier. But we're all individuals and sounds like you suffer from low blood sugar if you don't eat regularly. I need a thyroid pill because my body doesn't make enough anymore and I have to take lactaid or do without too much dairy because I don't make enough lactose and will get cramps and worse if I eat too much dairy without it.

It's "crazy" not to give one's body what it says it needs (your friend not eating just because she's too lazy to fix something), it's like deciding the cost of gas is too high so you just won't use it anymore, you'll use something cheaper (cheaper gas can make one's engine "knock"). Why fight it? There's lots of other, more interesting things to think about and do?

When I was a teen, I had a huge thing going with my stepmother about bathing and/or washing my hair. I'd do elaborate, time extensive "tricks" to make it look like I'd taken a bath while my parents were out, instead of just taking a bath! I got so hung up with my stepmother's and my relationship that I based my behavior on that instead of on myself and what I really wanted/needed. It's not either/or!

If I had taken a bath, because I wanted/needed a bath, thought taking a bath was a good idea, that would not have meant that I was doing it because it was what my mother wanted. What you do is literally what You do, the other people aren't really part of it, don't really matter; I didn't learn that until I was 41 and had a zillion stupid habits/ways of thinking I'm still trying to reverse.

[Inedible]

Most people will under-estimate how much they eat, and how often. Unless they measure their food and write everything down, it is really easy to lose track. This is not intentional.

[cowlover22]

Originally Posted by Inedible

Most people will under-estimate how much they eat, and how often. Unless they measure their food and write everything down, it is really easy to lose track. This is not intentional.

Most people with an eating disorder under estimate ,but people trying to lose weight do the opposite. Well like someone said above..think of food as your medicine. Some people take more medicine than others..personally I take 23 pills and that is just in the morning. I used to get angry that I am so young and I have to take all of these pills. But if I dont take them I will die. Same thing with food. I know what you mean though..I eat dinner every night with my brother and his family(otherwise I tend to skip it) but when I bring everything that I need to eat my brither made the comment..What sall this food for? I told him that is what I was supposed to eat. He couldnt believe it..made me feel like a pig at first, but I guess it is what I need to do to get healthy. My problem is I am not consistent at all. I can kind of follow my meal plan for a couple of day and then it is down hill after that until it comes close to the time for me to get weighed(then I start eating again)
It isnt fair that we have this disease but it sounds like you are doing pretty good. Ignore what the ED is filling your head with and just do what you need to do for yourself and dont worry about others..Good luck
Theresa

[Inedible]

Most people really do eat more than they say they do. This is because they eat more than they think they do. A package of food will say it has a certain number of servings in it, but most people would just go ahead and eat the whole thing all at once and think it was just one serving. In a way they are both right. I was reading a news article a couple years ago about some consumer activist group that wanted portion sizes (and calories) updated on food packages to reflect what most people actually ate as a single serving rather than what nutritionists recommend.

I did that "not eating breakfast" and "felt fine all day" thing for a while, because I didn't wake up in time to eat before work and didn't bring lunch with me. And even though I "felt fine all day" I was often more irritable with people than I should have been. Then I didn't know why I was eating so much in the evening. So don't necessarily believe people who say they can make it work.

The last person I knew who said to me that he only eats once a day was a coworker. He just lost his job, not for bad performance, but for being difficult to get along with. It was one of those times when for reasons of budget cuts they had to let people go.

[cowlover22]

Originally Posted by Inedible

Most people really do eat more than they say they do. This is because they eat more than they think they do. A package of food will say it has a certain number of servings in it, but most people would just go ahead and eat the whole thing all at once and think it was just one serving. In a way they are both right. I was reading a news article a couple years ago about some consumer activist group that wanted portion sizes (and calories) updated on food packages to reflect what most people actually ate as a single serving rather than what nutritionists recommend.

I did that "not eating breakfast" and "felt fine all day" thing for a while, because I didn't wake up in time to eat before work and didn't bring lunch with me. And even though I "felt fine all day" I was often more irritable with people than I should have been. Then I didn't know why I was eating so much in the evening. So don't necessarily believe people who say they can make it work.

The last person I knew who said to me that he only eats once a day was a coworker. He just lost his job, not for bad performance, but for being difficult to get along with. It was one of those times when for reasons of budget cuts they had to let people go.

Well I guess I am never the norm..I always eat toast and apple to take my morning pills but could care less if I eat the rest of the day. I get crabby when I am forced to eat. Even when I was just in the hospital most people there when given a chance would hide food if they could. But that is just my experience. Most people that I know that dont have ED get really crabby when n they dont eat..my brother is one of them! lol
Besides that is what my dietitian told me..she works mostly with anorexics so maybe that is the difference..who knows..no two people are alike anyway!