I've been working out and trying to eat healthy, but I'm having problems bingeing and purging again. I had a bit of a scare when I purged recently, and told myself I'd never do it again, and have been trying to control my food intake - but then tonight I opened a packet of biscuits, just to have one. One became two became three became most of the packet, and then I became aware of what was happening. I couldn't stop myself. I finished the whole packet (shortbread) and then went and threw it all up. It was awful. This might be TMI but the nature of the biscuits is very stodgy, and I felt like I was going to choke.

I feel kind of shaken, because I felt so out of control tonight. The rate at which I've been purging has increased lately, and I'm scared that I won't be able to stop doing this to myself. Food has always been my comfort, but I'm very concerned about being overweight, and so I have this conflict...

Not sure what to do.

[Hope-Full]

I don't have any suggestions for you, but I can empathize. I'm miserably relapsing myself, and want so badly to be rid of this ED once and for all!

I was speaking with a friend who also has an ED, and she was telling me how distractions are really helpful for her, and I'm planning on trying that idea myself. Crafts, especially, or anything working with your hands like gardening or painting or anything like that she said is most helpful.

Good luck.... sending safe hugs

[MrsBee]

A trick that I have learned that helps quite a bit is to have either lysol or some hairspray at all times in the kitchen on the counter. As SOON as you think you're losing control, spray your food with it. It will make it impossible for you to continue on this binge.

Of course, what you have to realize is that the food is there working as a tool to make you feel better and its going to be incredibly difficult to do anything to try to make that comfort unattainable, but it is so empowering and liberating afterwards.

Sometimes you feel like you've wasted food, but I mean really, whats a couple wasted biscuits compared to a wasted life.

[ShaggyChic_1201]

MrsBee, I so thought you were going to say take a drink of Lysol or spray your mouth with hairspray. i'm crying I'm laughing so hard!

[MrsBee]

No no, although a nice clean mouth is a good thing...i think it might make you feel quite yucky :P

I've eaten SO badly all week. Several purges. Several binges without purges. Some days I only ate one meal to try and 'make up' for it. I feel like I am addicted to food - and the worse I feel the more I turn to it as 'comfort', which is ridiculous because the thing I obsess over the most is wanting to be thin.

I've gained so much weight because of the depression and meds. I literally have one skirt and two pairs of combat pants that fit me right now. A lot of my tops look ridiculous or are too tight around the arms. I have to keep buying new bras, another size up each time! (Bigger boobs would be fine if it wasn't just in proportion with the rest of this disgusting fat!) I tried on a pair of my jeans tonight (my FAT 'fat' jeans. The cheap ones I bought as a 'temporary' measure until I fit into my old ones) and they weren't even close to fastening. I feel like a whale. I look like a whale. I'm so unhappy.

I've been trying to put in at least 30mins on the exercise bike every day (going hard at it!) and go horseriding at least a couple times a week. I lift weights as well to try and strengthen and tone my arms. Doesn't seem to be doing anything. Any of it.

End of my tether.
Going seeing my T tomorrow but I'm not sure she can help me in this area.