I was anorexic for about 20 years, ever since I was very young. Four years ago I nearly died, went into the hospital, and got better. It was ok to gain some weight because I didn't want to look like a skeleton anymore.

Today at the doctor I found out my weight. I told the nurse I never want to know, but the dr said it ANYWAY. And it is a HUGE number-- it almost as high as it was when I became anorexic in the 1st place because I was so overweight and ugly.

Now I am right back there!! All those years of starving, purging, and exercising for NOTHING!

The past year I KNEW I was gaining too much weight. For the past 6 months I have felt like I'm wearing someone else's body, I don't feel like myself at all because my body has been getting so big. My husband kept saying "No you're not, I don't see it." "You look like you weigh around X" . Well today I found out I weigh several dozen pounds ABOVE "X"!!

At least my therapist is honest. Last night she said, "Well you are a lot bigger than you used to be, but you're not fat." I KNEW I was getting weigh bigger.

I have got to do something and I don't know what I already eat a low sugar, low fat diet, drink lots of water, exercise several days a week, and I'm active. What the heck else is there to cut out? I am so angry at myself and so freaked out. My therapist told me today that we can get my weight back under control, but right now I feel SO out of control

[eskielover]

I can relate to what you are experiencing. I went from anorexia & in an eating disorders treatment center for it.....to weighing way too much....more than I had ever weighed in my life. When my migraine pain got under control, I could start exercising again & my weight was coming off slowly......then a trauma hit & anorexia hit again & I ended up in the hospital looking like a skeleton which was something I didn't want to look like....but the stress made it impossible for me to eat.

Now, I find that I will buy some unhealthy foods....crackers, chips, eat french fries. I find that as soon as I cut out snack food, my weight comes right back down to the healthy weight that I want it to be at. I personally can accept weighing a few pounds over the point where I am considered to be under weight.....& am willing to fluctuate around that weight. I know you can get back to controlling your weight to that point also. Know it feels horrible when that higher weight becomes known & you know you can't stand to weigh that much.

Also don't forget......exercising causes your muscles to develop....& muscles weigh more than fat.....so some of that weight is your muscles.

I am sure you can figure out the right combination of food & exercise in order to get yourself to your ideal weight. Several dozen pounds is easy to loose without restricting, or purging.

[Puffyprue]

Instead of doing this all alone, why dont you try to find a nutritionist that also could hepl you and Personal trainer too, so you wont go back to the hell called anorexia ever again, having eating disorder its like living in a hell i bet you dont want to go back there

[roads]

puffyprue is right. Fix it, but go about it right. Deep breath. Ground. Relax. This isn't your fault.

Now you're in hospital. First things first.

Roadie