[bugs on a swing]

helllo this is bugs on swing

new here i for the past few months fighting with not wanting to eat the past couple weeks it has been bad. i eat or drink something then wilth in minutes or a few hours the feeling and words in m headthat i needto throw-up
, have ideas how to do it have not done it yet but hav come close.

my T said that if i was 12 and on a feeding tube then sure she would do things differently, also that i am not really sick just pretending or acting like i am sick so i can have things a certain way.
that only made it worse.. not sure what to do am afraid itwill turn into a more definate eating disorder i also aM a nightime eater help

[Puffyprue]

I am little bit lost here can you explain more please what this mean

"also that i am not really sick just pretending or acting like i am sick so i can have things a certain way."

if you eat at night your tendency to gain weight became more higher , so eat normally or you can eat every 2 hours but eat a small portion that way you make your metabolism becam,e more faster andyou dont have to worry to gain weight

and maybe you are hungry at night its because you dont eat during the day so at night you become more hungry and cannot sleep so you have to eat, i think you need to change your eating pattern maybe it would help

[mortimer]

Listen to what I have to say, OK? Because I've been there.

I've had food issues since I was a young kid. When I was little I remember going to a buffet with my family and puking halfway through so I could eat more. I hid food, snuck food, hoarded food. I was always an overweight kid, and I was picked on mercilessly. I'm telling you that so you know what I mean when I say I understand where you're coming from when you can't control food. You say you're a night eater, well do you feel you can control that through doing the opposite, starving?

You can try to be proana and it's not going to get you anywhere. I have really awesome restricting periods where I lose, but it ALWAYS cycles. So I get to purge a little, binge, purge a little more, try to restrict coming off a huge *** binge, then that triggers a binge, then try to restrict, then a binge, then I finally have another successful restrict cycle. I usually end up reversing anything I've lost.

Your restricting cycles will be followed by a binging cycle. Period. That will slow your metabolism and fake your body into thinking your in a famine, so it will gain more from your binges. It's a happy cycle. The worst part is the mental aspect because you feel like a failure no matter what you do. I genuinely wish I'd never started and gotten help with it when I was a child. Two decades into an eating disorder and I know it's probably going to be my death.

What I'm trying to say is by trying to force myself to restrict I've upped and downed in weight hugely over the years. I thought starving myself instead was THE solution in high school. That was 10 years ago and I've been riding the roller coaster since. I have gained more weight trying to restrict. I've gained and lost so many pounds it's not even funny. I flunked out of college because I was too busy planning meals to study for my exams.

You will not succeed in restricting. And if you start that cycle it's going to make you want to die. I don't want to sound preachy, just cautionary.