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  #1  
Old Apr 14, 2012, 04:03 AM
Anonymous32507
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I've been doing ok with anorexia, and was maintaining a healthyish weight. But then the more I started eating the more I started loosing. This week I have had a really bad flu, I couldn't eat anything barely at all. Now I am feeling a bit better except for I still cannot eat. My weight right now is at a point I told myself I would not let it drop below ever again.

Seeing the number on the scale tho, uggh, at first I felt disappointment with myself. But now I feel disappointment + extremly strong urges to keep going lower or at least stay at this weight. I feel like I am going to throw up if I think about eating, I have zero interest in anything I could eat or even drink. just thinking about eating, chewing anything to do with it makes my skin crawl and I start gagging. So this isn't good. I forced myself to eat a small bun today and that's all I could manage. Physically, I don't feel very well, I know I am getting over being sick, but I feel faint and light, shallow breath.

What are some good suggestions for when you are feeling this indifferent to getting food in, or just the food itself. I can't handle the texture, taste or any of it. I know I have to get something in, I just don't know what I can manage. Bread seemed pretty bad, and hard to swallow.

I am pretty upset right now, I feel like a massive disappointment. My version of doing pretty good, isn't all that good, and its the best I've done in a really long time. I feel like I cannot escape this. Sorry this is so long.
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kindachaotic, Puffyprue, surviving15, Trippin2.0

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  #2  
Old Apr 14, 2012, 04:34 AM
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Trippin2.0 Trippin2.0 is offline
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I have no advice on this subject, but lots and lots and lots of (((hugs))). I have my own unhealthy relationship with food (it's an SI tool) and to me bread seems like a huge step concidering how you feel right now, maybe try smaller steps? Like yoghurt or custard?
I'm sorry you're feeling so low, don't beat yourself up, you've been doing a great job of looking after yourself. D0N'T discount that bcoz of how you feel today. I'm sorry I don't have any sound advice, just didn't want you feeling alone.XOXO
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  #3  
Old Apr 18, 2012, 04:50 AM
Anonymous32507
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Thanks Trippin, you're such a great friend!

I did a bit better today, I managed to ge in about 500 calories, kinda pathetic. I felt pretty sick today again. I have been have chronic headaches for so long now, every single day all day. So I decided to check out if it was due to my poor eating and malnutrition, well I don't know. Some sites say yes. I hate looking at site the spell out all the risks even if I should, scares me.. But enough I dunno. I've definitely been watching my health decline.

My head is in the wrong place, I was seriously considering if I could just remain like this if I take my vitamins and supplements. Like one cancels out the other.

Has anyone any ideas for increasing appetite? I tried to look online, mist of what I found was centered around eating, I'm not eating so that isn't too helpful right at the moment.
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kindachaotic, Trippin2.0
  #4  
Old Apr 18, 2012, 08:46 AM
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I once made use of a milkshake that increased my appetite... maybe you could look into something similar?
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  #5  
Old Apr 18, 2012, 12:28 PM
Anonymous32507
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I'll try looking for one. When I was dx with anorexia as a child my dr got my mom to buy me protien shakes that were supposed to increase hunger. I think you drank it an hour or two before meal time, what happened is that the shake filled me up and then I would not be able to eat. That's was years ago, maybe there is something better available now.

There is boost plus calories, I am supposed to be drinking two of those a day, per my dietitians request. Boost is super expensive tho, I already maxed out my nutritional supplement I receive from disability on vitamins. Maybe I should just try to use that for now until I get over that hump.

I'm starting to like how thin I am again, I know that's such a problem. It's such a strong urge. I was really disappointed when I was reading some stats last night that stated that only 4 out of 10 anorexics will fully recover. Odds that I will be one of them don't look that great. It's been 28 years of this and I am only 33. I know I am being pessimistic but I honestly don't think the odds are in my favor.
  #6  
Old Apr 19, 2012, 04:36 AM
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Screw odds. You can beat this,Anika. I know you can, you just need the right tools. I believe in you. Do you think that maybe you should crank up the professional support, for some reinforcement? I say that bcoz you mentioned liking how thin you've gotten...
.
Sending you lots of hugs, love, positive thoughts and strength...
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