[Jenn1fer82]

I am doing everything I can to hang in there. inside I’m wilting, I want to walk away. I want to let the numbness to consume me. I just want for once in my life to not care anymore. I want to surrender and say OKAY, take me, everything you say is who I am. OK!!
I am so tired of fighting. I just want to give up. Last night it was so soothing. Binging and purging felt so good. I slept like a baby. I woke up already thinking about what I could do to binge and purge again.
I weighed myself and saw that I weighed the heaviest. I saw it as a fun exciting challenge of how little I can eat today. Make sure all I drink today is caffeine to make sure I don’t eat and give all the energy I need. It excites me to starve myself. It excites me to see how much I can throw it all up and how fast I can do it. It is a rush that I look forward to. I hate how much society state that binging and purging is a horrible thing. How bad can it be when it soothes me.
These are the lies I tell myself. This is me hiding behind my pain and loneliness. My fear that I will never add up to anything. The pain of being trapped. The pain of never being good enough and to be punished that what I have now in life is all I deserve.
The pain manifested into lies that binds me to comfort that chokes me.

[Miswimmy1]

Do you have a therapist? They could help you get to the bottom of the issue. It sounds like you already have a good idea about why you feel like you have to make yourself sick. I know how good it feels. But that is an illusion and will only cause you to do it more. Break the cycle as soon as possible because it only gets more difficult to quit and it gets more addictive

[Victoria'smom]