what is wrong with me

so i was abused by my dad and bullied by girls and told im fat ugly etc. so now i believe it. everyone says im not but i dont believe it. they dont know the voices i hear when i look in the mirror.. so today i ate dinner, then about 45 mins later spent about 10 mins trying to throw it up. i tried so hard, but i think i was too late, so next time ill try sooner. i dont know how to tell my therapist this.. i have done this before, but she doesnt know i started again. i always wanna resrict to like 500 calories a day, sometimes i actually do.

All I can say is don't. It totally screws with your body's metabloism later. I know because I'm in my 30's now and having a horrible time maintaining a normal weight.

It would be a better use of your energy working with your T to reprogram those voices you are hearing in your head that were programmed into your mind from your past.

It's definitely possible to reprogram what we hear & the actions we take....but it takes doing the right thing over & over again. Be honest with your T in talking about this because like Jayne said.....it only messes up your body worse in the long run....so don't get that behavior started as it will become a habit the more you actually perform that behavior....they you will have to change that behavior on top of the programmed voices & actions you already have.

I agree with Eskielover- you have a T and this is exactly the sort of thing you should be able to talk about in there. Take care of yourself-