[AngelWolf3]

like when not engaging in your particular type of "ED behavior" that you are "failing" the ED itself? I hope that made sense, cause that's where I am at right now. Yeah, not purging in the last 5 days has made me "more present," or whatever (according to my T) but I feel like I am betraying it/betraying myself.

MESSED UP or WHAT.?

Thanks for reading if you did. Just had to put that out there.

[whoswho]

Short answer: Yes.

Long answer: Still yes--! I just think eating disorders tend to get very caught up in our personalities, or what we think our personality is. I mean, if I wasn't bulimic or anorexic or whatever, then who would I be? I diet. That's what I do. And I tend to be good at it, unlike everything else.

The ED presents us with a very narrow and skewed view of reality. When you take it away, then you have, well, the real reality I guess. So keep up the good work!

[grownupchild]

Yes definitely I agree with whoswho. They become part of our personality, our identity and we rely on them for comfort. Well I do. Every time I don't eat, or the scale goes down it's like a little secret victory that makes me happy.

But it's not good, failing the ED is good because that's what's going to keep us alive and healthy.

[onlytime]

YES, you're definitely not alone!
Are you familiar with the analogy of the eating disorder being "Ed"? AKA being able to differentiate yourself from the eating disorder. That you may feel like you're failing the ED, but it's really the ED "talking".

I'm probably not explaining this well at all, but I would recommend reading "Life without Ed" by Jenni Schaefer.

[photostotake]

Yes, I get this feeling often. Guilt goes right along with it too.