Pregnant

I woke today with a pregnant stomach. I thought I had moved past these distortions but apparently not. Taking a shower was pure agony as every inch of me was exposed, and I couldn't get away from it.

I go through CBT worksheets and my endless supply of "when you feel ____, do this!" notecards. Yet, I am still pregnant.

I know that I am not. My stomach is not bulging out and I am the furthest thing from having rolls, yet my eyes and mind deceive me. I actually see rolls! I will never understand how this is possible.

And it's not even that I think larger sizes are ugly. I have never thought that. So I don't even understand why I am so afraid of it. Actually, I do. I am afraid of being out-of-control, and for some reason my mind and emotions equate "fat" with "out-of-control". Bizarre how my mind tricks me!

So, I continue to run through my affirmations, my verses, my worksheets. I act opposite and dress "up" even though I work from home. And, today, I post to PC to see (hopefully) that I am not alone in this. Maybe I am. Even so, I am choosing to ride this out today and not "act out" this feeling with my deceitfully-trusty ED. It will not win today, but boy is it ever trying.

I understand what you are going through. I can't trust my eyes, can't trust how my body feels, can't trust what other people say how I look. It's very disheartening and scary sometimes, and I just feel so weak for not doing more about it.

I am glad to hear that you are working through it best you can, with affirmations and such! You are definitely not alone. I am glad you are taking the positive way out today...

Good luck!!! And nice to meet you.

Kate king hugs you are not alone I feel like that a lot my self great for not "acting out" and taking control back from ED and not letting ED win keep on posting

Thanks so much. It's really nice to have this new outlet to write instead of keeping it all in because then ED just feels too overwhelming. Thanks for the encouragement, I really appreciate it.

((hugs))

It's nice to meet you too. So nice to fight the fight with people that actually understand.