How do you get rid of the guilt?

I don't have an "official" disorder, as I weight too much...still. But I've had doctors worry about my weight loss in the past. I do usually end up eating what's probably "enough". But no matter how much weight I lose, I still feel fat. I feel so guilty about eating at all (especially later in the day) that I have to work a while to convince myself to eat. But it doesn't matter, because everyone probably still thinks I'm fat. I'm not attractive to anyone because I'm still fat. I don't understand why it's never enough. I'm wearing junior's clothes (and not even the biggest sizes) and yet I'm still fat? I just want to skinny again like I was as a kid. I don't want curves or big breasts. If I were that skinny, maybe I could eat without feeling like a horrible person. It's probably not possible to become that skinny, but I still have to be at least 4 sizes smaller to be considered attractive? How can I eat knowing that I'm making myself uglier (or at least not making myself more attractive) by eating? And I have food allergies so it's not like there's much I can eat anyway. I just wish the guilt would go away.

It's hard to remember this - I have a hard time remembering this - but eating does not have the power to make us 'ugly'; that's the disorder (or whatever you want to call it) talking. Are you seeing anyone about this? Changing thinking about self image is damned hard, especially alone.

I fit into my skinny jeans at the moment, and I'm still going through a divorce. My only point is that being skinny doesn't change a darn thing in real life. If you were to lose the weight, you'd find a new skinnier goal. Spondiferous is right, you need to start to change your thinking before you'll feel any better and that ususally takes assistance from someone with an outside perspective (a therapist - and one who has experience with EDs is best).

Keep posting. We're here to help!
Bub

I don't have an ED though—at least no psych would say I do. I do end up eating an adequate amount of food, but I just hate it. I don't know if therapy would help, since I don't have a "problem" according to the books and since I do actually eat.

And if it's not because I'm still too fat, then why am I so unattractive? I'm told I have a very pretty face and hair and I have a good (although eccentric) personality. So what the hell is wrong with me?

My self-image problem may also go beyond weight/eating, as I've self-harmed for a while. Not a lot of serious stuff, but it adds up.

And I'm sorry that you're going through a divorce right now, Bubsmiley.