[birdnesthair]

A part of me cannot honestly believe I'm writing this. I can't even tell my closest friends about this. I guess the anonymity of it all helps.

But every day, it's the same thing, over and over again. It's a persistent, constant struggle. A push and pull. Do I eat? Do I not eat? When I do eat, what do I have? How many calories is there? Fat? Sodium? My daily total for the day averages around 300 to 400 calories a day. Even this is excessive in my eyes. If I have something out of the norm, it's like a storm in a teacup for the lack of knowledge in terms of caloric content is chaotic enough.

My mind is tearing itself apart, my body is in a constant state of confusion. I have a violent hatred towards myself and the mirrors tell me lies; every single one shows me something different. I feel as if I'm trapped in a funhouse of convex mirrors. Something might feel tighter then it did 15 minutes beforehand, the gap between thighs seemed to have filled in the past 5 minutes.. these perceptions are ravaging my mind.

But no one takes me seriously. So it's an internal, lonely struggle. This isn't even the half of it. I can't really articulate it.

I guess I just needed to let it out.

[Travelinglady]

Have you seen a professional about this health issue? It certainly sounds like you are getting out of control. As you know intellectually, that's not enough calories to keep your body going...... I hope you can feel better and eat healthily before too long.