I've started an Intensive Day Program

Wow, is it intense! I've only attended two days so far, but it is emotionally draining already. Next week will be close to 36 hours that I'll be there each week. Plus additional weekly appts with my case manager, my therapists (personal and ED), the nurse practitioner, the dietician and a monthly appt with the ED program's pdoc.

I actually got my meal plan from them last Monday when they thought I was starting that Tuesday. Because of childcare issues, I started on Thursday instead. But, to show good faith because they gave me the extra two days I asked for, I stuck to my meal plan, on my own, 100% while waiting to start and have ever since! Really don't like feeling full all of the time and it seems like I'm having to eat all of the time too. I know this will all pass, just wish it would hurry up and do so! I'll have 9 full meals and at least 12 snack times with them each week. I have to say, I'm really glad that most of my meals are decided for me, takes away some of the pressure deciding what fits into my meal plan each day.

Now I just need to get rid of my scale. Just am not able to do it quite yet, but I'll get there. I have to. Seeing the number already go up today wasn't a pleasant one. Amazing how fast I can crash after seeing a number that for so long I've been determined I'd never go over. And now I've already done it.

Just need to keep reminding myself that I'm doing the right thing.

Kudos to you for sticking with your meal plan eventhough you weren't being monitored those two days! I agree with you that it is easier to have your meals planned for you than it is to plan them yourself. I still struggle with planning my meals and I have been hospital free for almost a year. It isn't something that is just going to go away. I am guessing that you are eating breakfast, lunch, dinner, and at least 2 snacks; which does seem like you are eating all the time. And like you said, this will pass, it gets easier with each day that goes by.

As for that nasty scale, do you have someone you can give it to? That way it isn't as if you are throwing it away. I know that I would get freaked out if I saw that I was over my safe number too. I haven't seen my weight in a very long time. I can guess that I am over my safe number, but don't know for sure so it doesn't bother me as much.

You are doing the right thing, just keep telling yourself that. Look at the successes you have had so far, and think of how many more you will have. I look back and think that last year, I would have never of thought that I would be where I am today. I am healthy, I have my life, and I am beating Ana! I also have my wonderful daughter and she has me.

Kudos again to you. You can do it. You are doing it!

Thank you so much for your encouraging words. I am trying to do 3 meals, plus 3 snacks a day. Seems like a lot when I was eating much less than that a week ago. But I'm doing it, so I just have to keep going. I have a great support team around me, which really helps. I also have a great friend that I can text and even call while I'm here at home. She's been wonderful!

I've been debating giving my scale to my T as soon as I'm ready. I've thought about asking my husband to do something with it, but then I'll still know it's here in the house somewhere and that wouldn't be good. But if I could bring it to T, I think it could be a great step. I told him once that I was going to do just that and he was thrilled. Too bad I'm not ready to do it yet, but he's told me that whenever I am, he said he'll happily take it and we'll work through the emotions together. Hopefully it'll be a celebration rather than a memorial! LOL

Thanks again for your kind words and encouragement. They really do mean so much!!

I wonder what meal plan they would give someone who does not eat grains of any kind,beans and wheat?

If you're gluten intolerant, I would hope they have options for you, but I could be wrong.

Congrats!! So proud of you and Buttrfli for doing the hard work of recovery.

I couldn't get rid of my scale, so I did the next best thing. I went through magazines and made a recovery collage out of hopeful/helpful words and images. Nothing about weight or being skinny. I covered every inch of the scale, including the readout area, so now when I look at it several times a day, I am reminded of where I want to be. If I knew how to upload an image, I'd show you.

Thanks for the kind words!

Sounds like a great idea about covering the scale! I'd love to see it! Still cringing from seeing that higher number this weekend, but even happier when it went back down this morning. Can't wait until those numbers won't mean anything anymore!

My therapist told me that a woman's weight can fluctuate like 5 lbs on any given day. So the other day you could have weighed X and then this morning due to weight fluctuation you weighed Y when in fact you still weigh Z.