eating disorder's daily check in spot

Melmo · Feb 09, 2014 at 11:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by buttrfli42481

I don't know if I consider myself recovered or not. I have been doing really well. However I don't know if I could look at my weight and be ok with knowing that I am over my safe weight. I think seeing it would mean it is written in stone, make it real; and I am not sure if I am ready for that. I no longer have a dietician monitoring my weight. It has been almost 2yrs since my last ED hospital stay, but only 1yr since my last relapse.

That's how I feel too. How can I accept my body when I'm unhealthy and obese?

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buttrfli42481 · Feb 09, 2014 at 11:35 PM

I went to Red Lobster for dinner with my daughter and friends. I don't eat fish, so I had chicken. I feel so full right now and I didn't have much to eat. 3 chicken strips and about 6 mozzarella sticks, about half a cup of soup and a 1/4 of an apple dessert. I feel the need to exercise even though it is 10:30 at night. Like I can't go to bed with all these calories. I wish I had said I didn't want to go there. The restaurant we were going to go to had food that I feel comfortable eating. Why can't I stick up for what I want?

Gr3tta · Feb 10, 2014 at 10:43 PM

Last week i felt truly physically an mentally horrible. Over the weekend i really tried to have some real nutrition. So i had slightly more than ive been allowing. But now my brain is already carving it out of the week to come even though it made me feel better.

Gr3tta · Feb 12, 2014 at 12:29 AM

I coudnt eat when my plan for what i was going to eat was derailed. I considered snacks later, but it created enough anxiety pre that i feared a post correction so opted for water, mineral pill, and cookng show watching.
I have been noticing a lot that i fill in meals with recipe or menu reading and watching cooking. I will sometimes recall that i ate items when really i just read about them . I wonder if anyone else does that?

sayako · Feb 13, 2014 at 07:06 AM

I'm in hospital for suicidal and delusional stuff. They know about my AN. I have been refusing to be weighed. I haven't eaten today yet. I have no interest in food. When unmedicated, it's so futile to try to eat.

Feb 13, 2014 at 07:52 AM

not doing well today with my overeating.... 3 bags of sweets, 2 slices of toast and a bowl of grapes in the space of an hour

and it's only 1 pm in the afternoon..... blah

ready2makenice · Feb 13, 2014 at 06:18 PM

I'm okay right now,trying not to get overwhelmed by going out to dinner tonight. Just want to purge for precautions

Feb 13, 2014 at 06:36 PM

Ugh!

So over myself about this blasted binge eating thingy ...

Will try to do better tomorrow!

Gr3tta · Feb 13, 2014 at 09:14 PM

i had very bad food behaviour today.

Feb 14, 2014 at 06:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pfrog

Ugh!

So over myself about this blasted binge eating thingy ...

Will try to do better tomorrow!

we should try together

actually (not sure if i should be surprised or not) but i am not hungry that much today!

does not stop me from pigging out on chocolate biscuits though

sighs..

Gr3tta · Feb 15, 2014 at 12:30 AM

I really tried hard not to mess up our day with my restrictions.

Feb 15, 2014 at 09:05 AM

not eating too much for dinner yesterday (some horrible sour pork thing) i'm even more inclined to overeat today

so far though just 2 slices of toast, bag of jelly babies and some sausage rolls

suppose not so bad in my books

Gr3tta · Feb 15, 2014 at 08:42 PM

I've employed an unhealthy app to assist in my eating decisions. The last time i was this sick (?) I didn't have a smart phone. I know i ough to know better. Or feel indignant at the unhealthy choices available. ..or something. But mostly i felt happy to have it help me with the math to reach my goal.

Bill3 · Feb 15, 2014 at 08:56 PM

What is your goal?

Gr3tta · Feb 15, 2014 at 09:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bill3

What is your goal?

Thank you for asking, but there is not supposed to be number talk in this forum.

Bill3 · Feb 15, 2014 at 09:25 PM

Right. Without thinking about specific numbers, though, in view of your recent posts it was just unsettling to me to speculate about what your goal might be. I hope that it can be a healthy goal.

Gr3tta · Feb 15, 2014 at 09:53 PM

Thank you. I know i ought to be ashamed of myself, and truthfully, i am. But I'm entrenched now. Every time i think i should turn away i find i've turned full circle and now am even more deeply mired than before. So no, i am not working on a healthy goal. I've set an unhealthy one. It feels nice to have something to be looking forward to. Even if its something negative.

Bill3 · Feb 15, 2014 at 10:02 PM

Quote:

It feels nice to have something to be looking forward to. Even if its something negative.

Thanks for your response. Of course I worry about you having an unhealthy goal. I suppose you feel that healthy targets are unattainable and so an unhealthy one feels good in being perhaps attainable. Are there people irl who can support you in seeking more healthy targets?

Gr3tta · Feb 15, 2014 at 10:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bill3

Are there people irl who can support you in seeking more healthy targets?

There might be. But that would be unacceptable sabotage. Why would i do that???

I feel I'm overtaking this thread now. If you are still interested you are welcome to pm me. Or if your curiosity has been satiated, thats fine too.

Feb 16, 2014 at 07:46 AM

so far so good today.

even asked for my grapes to be removed from the desk for a while

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Gr3tta Grand Magnate Member Since May 2010 Location: . Posts: 4,283 14 2,731 hugs given	Feb 10, 2014 at 10:43 PM #403 Last week i felt truly physically an mentally horrible. Over the weekend i really tried to have some real nutrition. So i had slightly more than ive been allowing. But now my brain is already carving it out of the week to come even though it made me feel better.
	Reply With Quote

Anonymous32451 Guest Posts: n/a	Feb 13, 2014 at 07:52 AM #406 not doing well today with my overeating.... 3 bags of sweets, 2 slices of toast and a bowl of grapes in the space of an hour and it's only 1 pm in the afternoon..... blah
	Reply With Quote

ready2makenice Member Member Since Mar 2013 Location: USA Posts: 318 11 319 hugs given	Feb 13, 2014 at 06:18 PM #407 I'm okay right now,trying not to get overwhelmed by going out to dinner tonight. Just want to purge for precautions
	Reply With Quote

Anonymous37842 Guest Posts: n/a	Feb 13, 2014 at 06:36 PM #408 Ugh! So over myself about this blasted binge eating thingy ... Will try to do better tomorrow!
	Reply With Quote

Gr3tta Grand Magnate Member Since May 2010 Location: . Posts: 4,283 14 2,731 hugs given	Feb 13, 2014 at 09:14 PM #409 i had very bad food behaviour today.
	Reply With Quote

Gr3tta Grand Magnate Member Since May 2010 Location: . Posts: 4,283 14 2,731 hugs given	Feb 15, 2014 at 12:30 AM #411 I really tried hard not to mess up our day with my restrictions.
	Reply With Quote

Anonymous32451 Guest Posts: n/a	Feb 15, 2014 at 09:05 AM #412 not eating too much for dinner yesterday (some horrible sour pork thing) i'm even more inclined to overeat today so far though just 2 slices of toast, bag of jelly babies and some sausage rolls suppose not so bad in my books
	Reply With Quote

Gr3tta Grand Magnate Member Since May 2010 Location: . Posts: 4,283 14 2,731 hugs given	Feb 15, 2014 at 08:42 PM #413 I've employed an unhealthy app to assist in my eating decisions. The last time i was this sick (?) I didn't have a smart phone. I know i ough to know better. Or feel indignant at the unhealthy choices available. ..or something. But mostly i felt happy to have it help me with the math to reach my goal.
	Reply With Quote

Bill3 Legendary Member Since Mar 2009 Location: USA Posts: 10,948 15 24.1k hugs given	Feb 15, 2014 at 08:56 PM #414 What is your goal?
	Reply With Quote

Bill3 Legendary Member Since Mar 2009 Location: USA Posts: 10,948 15 24.1k hugs given	Feb 15, 2014 at 09:25 PM #416 Right. Without thinking about specific numbers, though, in view of your recent posts it was just unsettling to me to speculate about what your goal might be. I hope that it can be a healthy goal.
	Reply With Quote

Anonymous32451 Guest Posts: n/a	Feb 16, 2014 at 07:46 AM #420 so far so good today. even asked for my grapes to be removed from the desk for a while
	Reply With Quote