eating disorder's daily check in spot

I might have to switch meds to something that could cause weight gain, and I'm so stressed...

I had to forget to log in so when I wanted to post the answer
then it told me to log in again.

But Ifail to find that thread again Sorry so
I write it here and hopefully find it later.

He wanted advice on books to read.

The following one is not on that level
Due to not including specialst thera T
the book too basic.

Test of link
What about this one. Is that one too basic too?
I know nothing, all this is fairly new to me.

I know a bit about CBT and ACT and What they write about
in the link seems to be a deeper understanding than the more known ones?

Test to see if link works
http://knowledgex.camh.net/amhspecia...nt_models.aspx

My Anorectic phase has a less strong grip ATM
I've started to drink bubbly tasting water and Coffee milk.

Eating a bit food again but are still very weak the Ano
took protein from my leg and arm muscles?

Chemo treatment "Regime 2) is over so now the
Cancer Docs need to decide what to do next in case
the treatment fail to work. Cancer may have gone too far.

No remission or what the terms is.
I get back withing two weks or something
Thanks for being patient with my ADD
messing all my texts up and the con fusing grammar too.
need

I feel like i was never better. I feel like inside anorexia is where I've always been.

Feeling much better now. I haven't binged in 3 days and feel more in control

Anything i eat makes me feel sick. Maybe its proof i shouldn't be eating at all. I know thats wrong thinking but it also seems true.

Today was not a good day for me.

I've been binging a lot for the past couple of days and it's starting to become tank top season which gives me anxiety.

Does anyone else get that 'binge feeling' when they KNOW for a fact that they are going to binge, or are very likely to?

I have that feeling right now. Like I know its going to happen.
I find myself walking to and from the kitchen cupboards/fridge, opening them and then having to tell myself that I am not hungry and don't want or need to binge. I am reminding myself of all the reasons I don't want to binge.

It's difficult and exhausting.

And also, I bought a set of bathroom scales yesterday. I used to be so obsessed with getting on them 5 or 6 times a day, so last year I got rid of them.
But right now I feel more comfortable with having them in the house and knowing the number.

I really don't want to binge.

I've been feeling horrible, but yesterday I made a big step in beating my eating disorder: I had dessert! I didn't enjoy it, but I ate some ice cream!

Thank you to everyone else for the check ins.

I feel firmly cemented in my behaviors. After so many relapse and remission and relapse again, i know too much about how to do this well. My anorexic mind is smarter than my real mind.
I am sorry i am always negative.

Sending you hugs, Gr3tta.

I am feeling good today. I still haven't binged, even though I felt as though I was going to.

That is great HealingTimes. I am glad the feeling dissipated without the binge happening.
Yay!

Thanks Gr3tta I am feeling so much more positive today and I like it.

I had 1 chocolate bar to satisfy my cravings last night, and that was it. I didn't beat myself up about that chocolate bar and it didn't lead to a binge.
I am so proud of myself, I cannot begin to describe how impossible that would have been last year.

Another thing praying on my mind is this: I have been through the anorexic phase before, several times, and also through the bulimia phase before. Where I am at right now confuses me. Its like a mix of them all, but not for any period of time. I am not even sure that constitutes having an ED anymore.

It makes me sad.

Do i understand correctly that the prospect of not having an ED makes you sad?

If so, i think that is okay. Its like graduation or moving to a new house. Even if you're moving to something better, you're leaving something behind. Thats always a little sad.

I am not really sure, to be honest. In therapy this week, I was discussing the fact that I may have lost the ability to restrict my food. That makes me so sad. But I don't want to be the person I was when I was in severe restriction mode.
I am confused about how I feel really.

I'm feeling terrible. I have binged tonight just stupid. Why? I've been pretty good all week (restricting) but still taking laxatives. Now I've just messed up totally. I hate this cycle. I just can't control myself. I feel so disgusting and fat. I am fat. No-one has any idea what I do to myself. I wish I could look different. I hate my body so much and feel guilty for that. My head is a mess. Why'd I do this.

I'm sorry that you are having a tough time A&A. I understand that cycle and the feelings that come with it. It definitely sucks big time.
Sending you a hug if that is OK? (hug).

So much stress going on.....pain issues dealing with....just had no desire to even eat for quite awhile.....only been these last few days where I've been starting to eat a little. Church family always has dinners for all our gatherings & always wants to make sure I eat...but many times I just go late so I don't have to bother eating there either.....comments are made about my not eating......but I had food at our derby party Saturday evening.....& had lunch with other friends there to help eat up the left overs today after church. I don't eat a lot....but it's better than eating the NOTHING that I've been doing.

My eating is so up and down, it's like a yo-yo. One week I'll binge on crazy amounts of food, most of them junk foods. The next week, I'll restrict so much that I get light-headed in the morning, and I end up 'starving' myself. I hate the way this controls my life. I just wish it could go away...

Glad that the extremely upsetting news I received last night happened after I had ate my last meal. Normally this would have sent me into a tail spin, but I didn't let it. I had 3 meals today instead of 1 or none.

Out of the crap going wrong with me, my ED is pretty much under control. Go figure. I gained all my required weight and I have been doing okay... it's weird.

Hi guys Hugs to those who are struggling!

I am feeling OK-ish today. I missed breakfast and lunch, so I know that I will feel like a binge later. HOWEVER, I am trying to recognise this as hunger, nothing more. So if I have a big-ish dinner, then I am hoping i'll not want to binge.
We'll see how that goes.
Serves me right for not getting up earlier to have breakfast and prep my lunch Oh well, lesson learned!

I feel like I'm eating well, but I'm still not gaining weight.

And today I nearly had a panic attack at work, because a co-worker made some triggering comments during lunch break.

Been struggling lately...

Didn't even eat dinner tonight...didn't eat nothing, but you sure couldn't call it a meal. I think it's partly because I've been struggling anyway, and partly because one of the kids at work said I looked pregnant...and I've always been super self conscious about my stomach...so even though this girl is 4 years old and she doesn't really know better, it doesn't make me feel any better.

Overall it was an okay day in terms of eating though, I think. I front-loaded a good chunk of what I ate today because I was wicked hungry all morning (so by 9:30am I had eaten a large bowl of Kix, half a medium sized bag of Doritos, a bowl of oatmeal and 1 1/2 bananas)...and then at lunch I got veggies galore along with protein (beans and chicken), and I drank a 100% fresh juice smoothie...THANK GOD for the smoothies the cook where I work makes! They've got to have AT LEAST 5 servings of fruit and vegetables combined.