eating disorder's daily check in spot

Doi say its going great or im doing horrible???

Say whichever is true

Binged today after several days of restricting. I know I need the food, but I feel awful because I ate too much.

I haven't been eating the best, but I'm eating. Feeling kinda crappy, though. Weak/tired, and had a dizzy spell yesterday. My IBS isn't doing much better, either. I know eating more will make me feel worse but eating more will make me feel better. Its frustrating. I just don't want to be hospitalized again.

I'm just annoyed because I can't keep anything down atm, I don't even have to force myself to be sick anymore, it just happens anyway. :/ It used to be bad but I could consume small amounts and it would be fine. But all I've had is a bowl of porridge and I can already feel my body trying to push it back up...

doing sort of well. things aren't going as I planned ltely butI'll get through this.

The eatijng disorder is doing great, but im doing horrible. At the same time sickly happy for my ED's sucess. Thats how im conflicted.

I'm struggling and trying hard not to be. Eating is getting harder and harder. Nothing sounds appetizing. I open and close the fridge, open and close the pantry, walk away with another cup of coffee. Weight is more or less stable - I think I've lost the ability to really lose weight unless it's truly in relapse mode.

I don't want the eating disorder back. Yet it's daily getting harder to make myself eat. Absolutely no appetite. I moved... so no therapist and no nutritionist, not even a doctor. It's me this time. I have to do this myself. Which means I have to get honest (thus coming back here) and I have to make myself eat. Please hold me accountable to that.

I nearly had a panic attack at the gym today. I'm overweight, but whenever I lapse and start using behaviors and lose a few pounds, I end up gaining it all back plus more. So basically every time I try to lose weight, I end up fatter. And logically, I know that the solution is to stop using the behaviors, and my metabolism and weight will stabilize, but my eating disorder is just telling me, "if you weigh this much even while restricting, exercising, and purging, just imagine how fat you'll be if you stop!"

I am just so conflicted about everything. Now the disability board called to ask about my weight. Talk about pressure! I have a regular doctors appt next mon. Im so torn. Should i try to be sicker or better by then? And what am i even capable of any more? I just feel sick.

Left work early to see my T this morning. I was feeling pretty horrible. I just found out yesterday that I need a root canal (on top of 12 fillings) that my insurance won't cover. **** this eating disorder and everything it has done to my body. I hate it so much, but I'm still engaging in behaviors. I feel so frustrated.

Hi there. Ouch, yes, stay away from anything containing Codeine, ESPECIALLY if you've had bad reactions in the past, there's plenty of other pain relief instead. Codeine has a justified reputation for causing acute constipation ~ something that we people with ED's really don't want, for obvious reasons.
Dr's can't ''know it all'' and more so in ED, they usually have little time and big work loads. I know YOU know yourself better than anyone else, so try and use your own judgment to keep yourself safe.

Hi there. Gosh, you took the words right out of my mouth!! I've ALWAYS answered people by saying ''if I ate what I really wanted, I'd be the size of a house'', they say no way, but what do they know. I also restrict severely to stay on the low side, but I certainly HAVE been almost obese for my short height!!! I basically live in fear of binging, but that's what restricting does.

I cant seem to manage a normal amount of exercise. I thought i was ready to try again, but im right back to spending 4-5 hours working out and eating less. My mind doesnt seem to understand moderation when it comes to my body.

I just ate dinner and I'm hating myself for eating while at the same time wanting to applaud myself for actually eating. So conflicted....Eating disorders suck. And I'm really tired of the hospital.

I totally get this. I struggle with this a lot. I'm in the process of seeking inpatient treatment once I get out of the medical hospital and I constantly struggle with feeling that I'm just not quite sick enough yet, just need to lost a few more lbs, labs just need to be a little more critical etc when in reality I should be focusing on bettering all of the above. I'm sorry you're struggling with this. I hope we both make healthy decisions this weekend.

I'm falling through the cracks in the system. What's the point of trying?

Not really good, but I'm trying not to worsen it even more.

Been eating a decent breakfast, protein bar for lunch and a real dinner. I wonder what my dietician will have to say about my weight on Wednesday. I know I am pretty close to the number we agreed would be unsafe for me to go under and yet I crave to be under it. The one thing that sucks is that I am unable to work for the next 2 weeks due to tendonitis in my wrist, so I am not as active as I would be.

Normal exercise . . . What's that???

I don't know, but I wish I could figure it out. I as well tend to go from 0 to 100 in like two weeks. It's frustrating. The only thing that's worked for me in the past is working out with someone (someone reasonable) and only working out when with them. I think that's the only time in my life, except when I've been hospitalized, that I've gotten a "normal" amount of exercise. Let me know if you come up with any bright ideas.

Have you been able to find any additional help? I don't know where you live or what your insurance situation is like, but have you looked at partial hospitalization programs or even inpatient/residential programs? It sounds like you'd at least meet criteria for a PHP.

Definitely struggling and no where to talk about it. Feeling isolated and lonely. Got home late from work and realized I'd eaten less than 50% of what I'm supposed to. Made it up to 60% and just can't do any more. I didn't mean to get back to the place of not realizing I'm restricting. And yet... the allure of maybe finally losing some weight again... I'd be lying to say it's not there.

I fear I am in pre-lapse mode pretty hard-core. The intention isn't there for relapse, but I'm dancing on the line. What happens when the music stops and I'm over the line? Afraid. And yet, I know that I'm far too good at hiding it when I struggle and there is NO ONE in my life right now that knows how to see me the way I need to be seen. :/

Eating, eating, eating.

My dietician suggested that I use an app to remind me to drink (water or juice preferably). I found an app that is for folks who have eating disorders and are trying to recover. I need to figure out if I can make some adjustments on how many meals/snacks are in a day. Right now it has 4 meals and 3 snacks. I also don't know how it is going to work for me when I am working. As for my weight, it has stayed about the same which is a good thing.

Haven't done too well today food wise. Had a protein bar for breakfast and some crackers and a banana for lunch. Just not hungry today. Tonight we are having spaghetti and meatballs. Need to remember portion sizes.